Damaged
by bazzer
Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going to Baltimore with Kyla and Aiden would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.
1. Prologue

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: First SoN fic, so I don't know how well this is going to turn out, but I promise to try if you all let me know how I'm doing. This is rated for dark themes that will be addressed later and, as the site says, 'minor suggestive adult themes' which will appear later as well.

PS: If you are reading my HP fic (which I don't know why you would read that and this, seeing as how they are completely different media) I'm working on that. And I'll finish the next chapter after my MCAT next Thursday.

* * *

Ashley stared down at the impossibly dark waters that churning beneath the furthest back railing of the cruise ship. It was rare that her mother had good ideas and even rarer for her to pick up on her only child's mood and do something nice for her. And this little act of seemingly good intentions just went to prove how off the mark the woman could be.

She had apparently noticed how sullen her dark-haired girl's mood had been, took note of how the scrumptious little boy that often trailed behind her offspring had been absence from her home, and decided to include the girl in her fun time. What she hadn't done was bother to ask what was wrong, or think to spend time with her own genetics once they had boarded to ship. Instead, she had Ashley shown to her room and told her to ring if she wanted to catch brunch one day.

Not for the first time, the brunette vehemently swore to never treat her children the way her mother treated her, she would be there for her kids. She would be able to tell when they were going through something. Tell when they were pregnant at fifteen.

Tell when they miscarried three months later.

Ashley pressed one hand against her own flat stomach and the other across her face, bravely biting back a fresh wave of tears. She leant over the railing, feeling like she would be sick once more and figuring that this would be the safest place to do so without getting in anyone's way.

The cruise liner rolled over a wave in the middle of the night and the brunette tightened her grip against the railing, lest her foot slip and she be lost overboard. Yet, as she looked down at that deceptively silent water, she entertained a thought of leaning just a little further over, of just slipping away like a flash of light.

Would it really be all that bad? All that tragic?

Would anyone notice until she did not show up at the limo at port in three days time? Would her mother notice even then?

She leant further across and glanced down. Tilting her head to one side she judged the distance and wondered if the fall would kill her outright or whether she would have to wait to drown. The metal of the guardrail bit harshly into the soft flesh of her belly and she was reminded that the action hurt her alone and no entity growing within her.

She stepped up on the next rung of the rail.

"I really hope your not thinking of jumping."

Ashley jumped at the soft, feminine voice causing her foot to slip and for a brief second she thought that this was it, she was gone, but instead of falling into the harsh water so many yards beneath the ship it was into the strong, steady hands of the girl on the deck.

She was shocked for a second until this latest failure hit her and she cried out, "Why?" flailing her arms and contorting her body so the new girl had to wrap her arms around Ashley's thin hips to prevent an accident.

"Looks cold," the girl shrugged, allowing the brunette to twist in her hold and bring them face to face, "and I'm not a big fan of being cold."

Unexplainably angry about the nonchalant answer she pounded her fists weakly against the interloper's chest, sobbing silently and pushing, pushing, pushing, wanting that oblivion and silence and just to not _hurt_ anymore. But no matter how much she struggled the girl did not let go and took what ever was doled out until Ashley just went limp and cried heartbreakingly into her shoulder.

She felt strong arms come up around her shoulders and across her back, pulling her into an effortless embrace that had her feeling safer and warmer than she thought possible. They stood there for what seemed like hours until Ashley felt her knees give out a little from the strain of her life finally catching up. Without so much as a word the stranger holding her shifted to slip an arm under the brunette's knees and pick her up carefully. Ashley tightened her hold on the front of the girl's hoodie and felt more than anything when the girl's back hit a wall and she slid down to a sitting position, with Ashley cradled preciously in her lap.

There were gentle hands in her hair, kisses to the forehead, and a simple rocking motion that brought forth a new round of tears to her chocolate brown eyes. This was exactly what she had needed; she just never knew it because she had never had it before.

In sentences punctuated with shuddering breaths and sobs, she told her story out loud for the first time. She explained to a complete stranger everything that was wrong with her, cried about how broken she was and fiddled helplessly with the girl's fingers and the strings of her sweatshirt. In the silence that followed, as she picked at this girl's chipped blue nail polish, Ashley finally asked her why she would jump off a cruise liner after a complete stranger, fully convinced that this girl would have.

"Everyone is damaged," she explained in a scratchy tenor that did weird things to the brunette's concentration, "But not everyone is broken." She pressed the hand Ashley was playing with flat along the brunette's stomach, "You're not broken. I promise one day you're going to realize that."

Ashley tried to get a good look at the girl but the moonlight whitewashed everything, making her appear pale and bright and it was hard to see through the tears in her eyes. It didn't seem to matter though, as it was the presence of her savior that Ashley figured she would always remember.

"What's your damage?" she asked, tracing bitten nails along dried tear tracks on the stranger's cheeks. Beneath her fingertips the girl offered a hollow smile that reflected the empty light in her bright eyes.

"I want to be as ugly on the outside as I feel on the inside."

Ashley frowned at the confession and rested her warm palm along the sad girl's cool cheek, blinking heavily when she turned to kiss the exposed skin at inside of the brunette's wrist. Ashley bit her bottom lip as she slid her hand to cup the back of the girl's head and pulled her down just far enough to brush their lips together.

She pulled back slowly as the girl's eyes fluttered open and Ashley was struck but how intensely blue they were. "I think you're absolutely beautiful," she declared assertively, curling further into herself so that she could tuck her head under the girl's chin. She fell asleep listening to her wonderfully strong heartbeat.

When she woke up in the morning it was in a chaise lounge next to the on deck pool, alone, but wrapped in a dark blue hoodie that smelt like peaches, felt like safety, and had the letters SC sharpied on the tag.


	2. Dirty Little Secret

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: So, yay! for positive reviews, which I love by the way. And if this bombs I'm deleting this chapter and reposting as a oneshot, just saying. Um, thanks again to all who reviewed again.

PS: Once again, if you are reading my HP fic (which I don't know why you would read that and this, seeing as how they are completely different media) I'm working on that, I swear. And it's not that I love this fic more than that one, it's just that smaller chapters are soo much easier to deal with. Yeah.

* * *

Ashley tucked her nose in the crook of her elbow and took a deep breath. The scent of peaches had long since been washed out of the faded navy fabric but the comfort she derived from the soft material had only increased in the year or so that she'd been in possession of the hoodie. She tilted her head to one side and watched herself draw little music notes in the corner of her notebook with half-lidded eyes.

Across from her two other brunettes, one male and one female, sat with their heads bent over a science book. The girl was Kyla Woods and she had only been in LA for just under two months. The boy on the other hand, Aiden Dennison, had lived there for nearly his entire life. Subtly (or as subtle as she thought she was) Kyla glanced over the lip of the book, which had gone on for at least three pages on the differences between meiosis and mitosis, and watched her half-sister with a curious frown.

For as long as she had know the girl, and for honesty's sake it hadn't been that long, she had always dressed in a manner that screamed 'you know you're jealous of this body and let me show you why' but today she was dressed in an oddly familiar hoodie and light denim jean skirt.

It was a habit of the younger girl, one that her best friend back home often called her fatal flaw, to notice what another person was wearing first, form an opinion and then acknowledge the person. She argued (often) that she couldn't help it, as fashion was kind of her thing. Another thing she couldn't help but to do was comment on said fashion.

"What is she wearing?" she whispered conspiratorially.

Her sister's best friend didn't even bother to glance from the book, "That's her comfort hoodie."

Kyla frowned, "Her what?"

Aiden sighed but again did not look up from his studying. Instead he tipped his head closer to her and lowered his voice so as not to be overheard, "It's like a security blanket. Whenever she's feeling stressed or sad or something she puts it on and it makes her feel better."

"Really? Why?" she asked eagerly wanting some insight to the closed book that was Ashley Davies. It wasn't that the older girl was cold to her exactly; at times it actually felt more like indifference. Kyla knew it couldn't have been easy for her to find out that her dad, her idol, had kept something as big as another daughter from her. Hell, Kyla was more shocked by the fact that she had a sister out there in the world than by the revelation of who her father was.

But what was the hardest thing to figure out was the fundamental difference between the two half-siblings, the thing that had Kyla reaching for some sort of connection and had Ashley shutting her down at every advance.

For the first month it was just the silent treatment, wary glances and snide remarks from the older girl. But in the last month when she realized that Kyla probably wasn't going anywhere (and likely due to the prodding of her best friend), Ashley slowly allowed her into the circle on a probationary term. The younger, however, was dying to let her curious nature break through.

No matter how much she wanted to know, the boy couldn't offer more than a shrug, "No idea. She never told me."

Kyla harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest in a pout. Across from her Ashley's amorphous doodles began to form letters and she sighed against the pulling of her thoughts. "I can hear you, you know."

Aiden flipped her off absently while the younger girl blushed. She opened her mouth to apologize when a noise from her bag distracted her and caused a wide grin to split her face.

_Let me know that I've done wrong_

_When I've known this all along_

_I go around a time or two_

_Just to waste my time with you_

She clicked the 'accept' button on her cell phone giddily, "Hey there, sexy!"

Next to her, Aiden drew back with a frown and Ashley watched them both with raised eyebrows.

"No, we're at lunch right now, but I do have class here in a few." She switched the phone to her other ear, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers, "Would it matter? You know I'll always make the time for you." She paused to listen then covered her mouth to repress a snort of laughter, "Yeah, even in the middle of a screamin' good one. 'Cause I would know it's you," snicker, "Shut up, it's not creepy. You were the one to bring it up."

She rolled her eyes at Ashley like she knew what was going on in the conversation. "Ok, so instead of wondering at the depths of my dedication to you, which is, like, totally cataclysmic by the way," she paused again, "whatever. Just tell me your amazing news. Um, because the only time you call me midday is when you are so excited you forget you have texting? Duh, I know you."

After a pause she clapped her hands and shrieked happily causing her tablemates to cover their ears and the closer occupants of the quad to look in their direction. "Seriously?! Oh, congratulations, babes! I so knew you could do it! Um, because you're amazing on the field?" she laughed openly, "moving on now. When's the big game? I am so there."

She frowned at whatever was said back. "What do you mean you didn't think I was going to come? Oh, don't pull that crap with me, I can go to prom next year, you loser," she rolled her eyes with a fond smile. "My baby's going to States and you think I'm going to miss it for a stupid dance with people I barely know? Please."

She laughed quietly then, "Yeah, well, tell your girlfriend to kiss my ass because you were mine first." Ashley and Aiden shared a look over the top of his book, frowning together at the shy smile on Kyla face, "Yeah, I love you too. Alright, babes, I'll call you after I get home and talk to my mom. Bye, gorgeous."

She grinned softly at the device as she slid it shut and looked up to find the other two watching her closely, "What?"

"Do we have to have the secret boyfriend talk?" Ashley teased, closing the cover of her notebook and slipping it into her bag.

Kyla's frown deepened, "The what? What are you talking about?"

Aiden closed his book as well. "I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend back in Baltimore," he added with a little wounded look that had both sisters looking at him oddly.

"I don't," she glanced down at the phone still in her hand. "Are you guys talking about this?" she asked, shaking the object a little, "That wasn't even a-"she scoffed, "That was my best friend, most definitely _not_ my boyfriend, who's lacrosse team just went undefeated in tournament and is going to States next weekend. To whom I promised that if that ever happened, I would be right there for." She snickered to herself, "Can't believe you guys thought- Jesus!"

"So you're going back to Baltimore this weekend?" the boy asked, finally closing the science book in front of him.

"Oh, yeah," she grinned, stroking the phone a bit reverently with the back of her finger.

"And you're not going to prom?" Aiden prompted as he avoided Ashley's laser glare.

"I guess not," she replied lightly, like the thought didn't bother her, "but, I mean, we hadn't really talked about it, had we? Are you guys going to go?"

"No, I don't even have a date," he shoved the rest of his books in his bag, "And Ash doesn't do school sanctioned events."

The girl in question slipped the strap of her messenger bag over her shoulder and raised a fist in a power gesture, "Going three years strong."

Kyla laughed at her silliness and threw the remnants of their lunch in the garbage. As she was tucking her cell back into her purse she stilled suddenly and grabbed a hold of her sister and her friend before they could walk away to their English class, "Oh my God, brilliant idea!"

Ashley glanced down at the hand on her arm until her sister sheepishly let go and Aiden laughed at her enthusiasm, "Well, what is it?"

"You both should totally come with me!"

The two California natives glanced at each other, one hopeful and the other wary. "Yeah," Ashley adjusted the strap of her bag, "I don't think that's going to happen. Come on, Aid, you know how Mullins gets when we're late."

"Ashley," he called watching Kyla's crestfallen face, but the elder just walked away. He sighed but tried to offer the younger a smile, "I think it's a great idea, Ky, I'm in."

She smiled at him, but he could tell it was forced and that she really wanted to share her home city with her sister. "Don't worry," he pressed a hand to her shoulder, "I'll get her to come."

She smiled brightly then and Aiden was stunned by it until the warning bell rang and they separated for class on opposite sides of campus.

He caught up to his best friend and ex-girlfriend just outside of Mr. Mullins classroom, "Ash, wait up."

She paused just long enough to give him a bored look, "What?"

He frowned at her, not at all impressed with her attitude, "I really think we should go with Kyla."

"And I really think you should stop flirting with my sister, it's disgusting and I've asked before," she growled, scaring a passing classmate.

"Before you start making demands, I think you should start acting like it," he rumbled back, shifting to allow another student into the class.

"I don't have to act like it," she flicked him in the nose, "because it actually makes me physically ill, no acting required."

"I meant that you should start acting like her sister, because right now? She's the only one making an effort."

They were caught up in glaring at one another when their English teacher approached from inside the room, "Ms. Davies. Mr. Dennison. Perhaps you would like to join us?"

Ashley's nostrils flared as she shouldered past her best friend and took her seat. Aiden sat at the desk next to her, as he did in nearly all the classes they had together, but choose to ignore her for the first fifteen minutes of class. His best friend fidgeted in her seat, angrily took notes and generally fed the dark cloud that was forming over her head. Finally she hissed at Aiden, "If I do this, if I go, you have to stop pushing me to get to know her. After this I'm done."

Their English teacher leveled a glare at the both of them but Aiden managed to mutter, "Yeah, whatever."

She turned in her chair to poke him in the shoulder, ignoring Mullins' warning, "And you have to stop flirting with her."

"Sure," he smirked, sinking lower into his chair, "whatever you say." Even as he nodded absently, he whipped out his cell and fired off a text to Kyla.

**She's in**

Less than a minute later his phone buzzed in response.

**You have no idea how awesome you are :)**

On the other side of the school, in her French class, Kyla Woods bounced in her seat, unbelievably happy. Just as she was about to slip her phone back into her bag it buzzed once more in her hand. She wondered what Aiden could possibly respond with as she glanced down and saw the picture of her and a brightly smiling blonde girl flash across the screen of her phone.

**Dear Kyla Woods. I miss you. I am glad you are coming home soon. There is no sunshine without you. And no one will make me brownies :(**

A wave of homesickness passed through her as she typed back, pleased to be going home to see this girl.

**Dear Spencer Carlin. I miss you more. I need a big bear hug. No one here lets me in the kitchen.**


	3. Are We The Waiting

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Again, I love the reviews, so please re-enforce my ego. Now, a couple of people have pointed out that my first chapter bears a striking resemblance to a scene in James Cameron's Titanic and I have to admit that it was purely accidental. I actually haven't seen the movie in over a decade and when I was told I watched said scene and said 'well, fuck, that is kind of what I was going for' just with more talking and lighting. So my apologies and, yeah, that was weird.

Another thing, and go ahead and skip this if you're getting anxious because it's not that important, has anyone actually considered the fact that Kyla left her whole life behind her. Friends, family, home, school, everything? I just think it's kind of weird that no one talks about it. Ok, maybe not considering the fact that Ashley and Spencer are generally always central characters but come on!

* * *

Kyla tossed the last of her bathroom products into her bag then placed the bag in her suitcase, which sat at the end of her bed in the guest room at the Davies Mansion. She sighed tiredly as she glanced around the room, trying to figure out if she had forgotten anything important. Nothing caught her eye, however, and she was satisfied that anything that may have been missed couldn't have been all that vital in the first place.

The clock told her it would be a couple of hours before she was on a plane back to the East coast but her whole body told her it was way past time for it. She could actually feel herself buzzing with anticipation at being able to watch the sun rise rather than set over the water.

She carelessly flopped down on the bed and reached for the picture frame that sat close at hand on the bedside table. It was the typical off centered, held-at-arms-length photo that seemed to be all the rage with people these days, but to Kyla it was special as they all seemed to be to someone. She and another girl, a bright blue-eyed blonde that the brunette had called best friend since she was seven, were pressed cheek-to-cheek and smiling so widely you could count teeth. Spencer Carlin had been something special from the moment they'd met and during the weeks preceding the picture they had been in a fight that had been the greatest test in their friendship, but they had come out stronger on the other side of it.

Kyla was sure that she would never have survived for as long as she had without Spencer and leaving the girl on the other side of the country had been harder than leaving her own mother. But she would see her again soon and that thought alone was able to dissipate the negative energy that was gathering behind her eyes.

She set the picture back on the table just as a knock sounded at the door and Aiden poked his head in, "Hey, are you almost done in here?"

"Yep," she chirped, sitting up and closing the top of her suitcase, body back to vibrating excitedly.

"Wow," he grinned stepping all the way into the room, "you are really keyed up to get going, aren't you?"

"Oh my God, yes! You guys can meet my mom and Spencer and we're on the Harbor and we're only, like, an hour from DC. I can take you guys to my old school and-!"

Aiden held up his hands and laughed wholeheartedly, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, Mario Andretti."

She flushed hotly in response, but continued to bounce on the balls of her feet, "I'm sorry, there's just so much I want you to see and so many people I want you to meet."

"And we will," he steadied her by placing his hands on her shoulders, "but we have to get there first, so let's start by getting your stuff in the car."

She curled her fingers around his wrists and they smiled at one another until a door slammed somewhere in the house and they jumped apart, Kyla fiddling with the charm on her necklace as Aiden zipped up her suitcase. He picked it up easily and shot her a shy smile as he made his way to the door.

He was already in the hall when she called: "Hey, Aiden!" and then winced at how much her voice carried.

A second later his head reappeared, "Yeah?"

She twisted the chain around her fingers, "Can I ask you a question?"

His face lit up momentarily, but he smoothed out his features and left her baggage in the hall to enter her room once more, "Sure."

"It's about Ashley," she warned and watched as his face fell a little. She honestly felt bad because the boy wore his heart on his sleeve like no one she'd ever met before and she did genuinely like him, but there were just too many other factors to consider. When he nodded for her to continue she crossed her arms over her stomach and asked in a rush, "Does she hate me?"

"What? No!" he glanced back out the door to see if his shout had attracted anyone and when he was satisfied that no one would come running he crossed the room to stand in front of the girl, "What would make you think that?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, tilting her head to avoid his eyes, "it just I've had people hate me before and it feels a lot like that."

"First of all, I totally don't believe that anyone could hate you," he tipped her chin up, "And you have to believe me when I say that Ashley definitely does not." However, her sad smile told him that she did not believe him and he sighed, "The thing you have to realize with Ash, is that she doesn't trust easily. She used to, but about a year ago something happened that put her in this really dark place."

Kyla frowned and pulled away slightly. "What happened?" she asked glancing once more at the picture on the bedside table.

"It's not really my place to say." He scratched the back of his head, "but the important thing is that she barely survived it. I mean, she did, obviously, but she was so different afterwards. A bit more reserved, a lot more jaded, she was, I don't know-"

"Damaged," Kyla offered, her mind far away in memory.

He frowned then as well, surprised by her word choice, "Yeah that sounds about right." He waved his hands a bit, trying to get back on his course of thought, "So, after that she's got this really small circle of people that she can trust and in that circle is her dad and while he's not winning any parent of the year awards, as far as Ash is concerned, he'd never lied to her. And then you come along."

"Representing every lie he never told her," she muttered, pressing the heels of her hands into her temples.

Aiden wanted to comfort her, but realized he didn't really know what to say to make everything seem alright. He settled on, "It's not that she hates you, exactly. You just made her world that much smaller, so, maybe she resents you a little bit. But she's not a bad person," he rushed to add, "and I promise that she's worth it. You just have to give her time to adjust, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed and Aiden was relieved by the smile on her face.

"Okay," he repeated and catching sight of the clock on the table he jutted his thumb over his shoulder, "Are we good to go then?"

She nodded resolutely, "We're good to go."

Down the hall and around the corner they found Ashley waiting for them at the top of the staircase. She looked up from her notepad with a suspiciously raised eyebrow, "Took you long enough."

"Cool it, Rock Star," her best friend shouldered the bag he was carrying, "let's get going before Bosco decides to make us walk to LAX."

They piled into the car and each thanked Ashley's mother's driver for taking them to the airport at such a late hour. In the back seat, Kyla read over her plane ticket once more. It had taken surprisingly little coercion to get their parents to agree to let them leave Thursday night and skip school on Friday, but Kyla suspected that her mom really wanted to see her and all Aiden had to do was pout and his parents folded like a house of cards. Ashley, on the other hand, didn't even bother asking, seeing as none of her parents or step-parents were even in California at the time and wouldn't be back for another week or so.

The plane was taking off at close to eleven and by the time the sun was rising over the Atlantic Ocean she would be home. Content with that knowledge, Kyla settled in listening to Ashley and Aiden bicker over the radio.

When they touched down on the other side of the country both California natives were bleary eyed and craving caffeine IVs. Their younger traveling companion, however, seemed so high on life that they thought the structural integrity of the plane might be compromised from her fidgeting.

She led them off the plane and through the Baltimore Washington International Airport to baggage claim like an expert and it wasn't until they were nearing the pick-up area that Ashley began to wonder who Kyla's mom had sent to pick them up. Would she go with the Christine route and send a driver? Or the Raife way and just hail a taxi when they got there? Hell, she half expected one of Kyla's doting friends, perhaps the Spencer guy she had heard so much about, to be waiting for them outside.

What she did not expect, and was actually what ended up being true, was the dark haired woman in jeans and a white tunic shirt.

"Mom!" Kyla shouted, dropping her bag and darting forward to wrap the woman in a tight hug that was equally returned.

Ashley was taken aback but their enthusiastic greeting and turned to Aiden, who was watching with a sickeningly fond smile, "Her mom came to pick us up?"

He shrugged even as he stepped up to gather the excited girl's discarded luggage in his free hand, "Guess so."

Before them Kyla and her mother were talking rapidly with matching bright smiles and Ashley was struck by how alike they looked. "Have your parents ever picked you up from the airport?" she asked Aiden from the corner of her mouth.

"Not since I was in grade school," he confessed as they finally reached the reunited pair.

"Mom," the corner of Kyla's lip turned up in what they were beginning to recognize as a nervous smile, "I'd like you to meet Ashley."

Eileen Woods resisted the urge to rock in her thin heeled boots nervously. She was an open person by nature but there were a lot of warning signs telling her that she should definitely _not_ hug this girl. Instead she offered the tiny brunette a warm smile and a hand, "It's nice to finally meet you, Ashley."

The girl in question, however, didn't quite know what to say. This woman, this woman standing before her, had slept with her father. She had slept with her father while her parents were still married. She had slept with her father while her mother was pregnant with Ashley herself (she wasn't stupid, she knew what it meant to have birthdays seven months apart) and she was standing there saying that it was _nice to finally meet her_?!

She felt that infamous Davies temper beginning to flare but just as she opened her mouth to give that- that homewrecker a piece of her mind Aiden dropped a suit case on her foot. "OW!" she shouted, pain jumping from her toes up her back as she bit her tongue to stop a curse. She glared at the boy, but rather than take the bait he slid smoothly in front of his best friend and took Eileen's pre-offered hand, "Hi, Ms. Woods, I'm Aiden Dennison, Kyla's friend from LA. You're going to have to be patient with Ashley for right now because she's not that articulate or friendly before her morning caffeine fix."

The older woman glanced over his shoulder at her ex-lover's eldest daughter and recognized introduction for what it was, "Of course, I can completely understand. Mornings aren't meant for everyone."

Ashley continued to glare at the back of his skull but knew that anything said at this point would seem childish and petty, which were two things she did not want this woman to be able to hold over her. Fortunately, Kyla saved them from any further awkward silence but tugging on her mother's arm to get them moving. "Speaking of morning people," she glanced around quickly, "you didn't tell Spencer, did you?"

"No," Eileen rolled her eyes but there was a smile on her face. "I said you weren't getting in until this evening, just like you told me too. Seven times."

Behind them Aiden frowned and Ashley fought the urge to smirk at the woman's exasperated tone, as she was too exhausted to continue to be obstinate.

"Awesome," Kyla clapped as they all approached a black Range Rover, "Do you think you could drop me off at Pikes?"

"What I think," she reached over and drew her daughter into a one-armed hug, "is that we should take your guests through a Starbucks and then drop your stuff at the house. Maybe after that, if you don't all choose to grab a couple more hours of sleep, you can surprise Spencer."

Kyla looked back at Aiden, who was struggling against a yawn, and her sister, who looked deep in thought or half-asleep as she walked, "Yeah, maybe you're right. It can wait a little while longer."


	4. Say My Name

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Just so we're all aware: my computer is a piece of junk. Thought you should know that.

I didn't have to work today, which meant I should be studying. I did this instead. And I did yard work for my mom because she has no sons. But that is less relevant to you all.

* * *

It was some time later, after a long power nap and two trips through Starbucks, that Kyla was finally able to convince Eileen to let her take her guests to visit her old high school. It took a little more convincing to get Ashley to go along, but with her best friend and younger sister tag teaming her she eventually slumped into the backseat of Kyla's Jeep Wrangler.

In the time it took for Ashley to flip through the fashionista's vast collection of music (the girl had a disturbing amount of boy bands and Kelly Clarkson) they had pulled into the parking lot of a stereotypical high school. It differed from King High in that, while the California school had spread the classes over a wide campus, Pikes High had gone and placed the same number of classes right on top of each other. It was a single building in a giant rectangular shape that was four stories high and while there was nothing special about it outright, there was definitely something that had Kyla giddily skipping ahead of them.

They approached through a tree lined walkway and just before Ashley could step through a set of double doors a cool wind picked up and she paused to bury her hands in the front pocket of her dark blue hoodie. Aiden and Kyla, already in the building, stopped and glanced back at her. "You okay, Ash?" the young girl asked, bouncing on her toes and eager to move forward.

"Yeah," she frowned as she glanced around, "Are we going or what?"

Kyla led them into a wide atrium that split into three halls and was surrounded by glass cases filled with pendants, trophies, student art work, honor roll lists, photos of outstanding students, and anything else the school could claim pride in. In one pseudo-corner, flanked on either side by two halls, was a bronze-like statue of a ferocious looking bear. Or rather, it would have looked ferocious had it not been for the brightly colored Hawaiian shirt, multiple leis, and wide straw hat it was sporting.

"You have to love school pride," she joked at their amused looks, "Go Grizzles." After a moment of indecisiveness she began to lead them once more down the hall directly in front of them, when a shout came from the hall on their left.

"Kyla Woods?!"

It was a tall girl with blonde hair who was wobbling precariously on two crutches. She was dressed in basketball shorts and an ugly t-shirt that had 'Pike High PE' written across the front and her left leg was wrapped in a cast from foot to thigh. Standing next to her was another girl, tinier with dark hair and black rimmed glasses, that was similarly dressed and carrying a small stack of books and notes.

"'Rissa! Val!" Kyla bounded over to them and drew them into a heartfelt, if not awkward, hug.

The girl on crutches pulled back first, "What are you doing here? Spencer said you weren't getting in until tonight!"

"It's supposed to be a surprise," she grinned, but seemed to finally catch on that the girl was injured. "And speaking of surprises: what happened to you?"

The blonde flushed. "It's actually a very boring story," she began to explain but the other girl cut her off.

"Yes, a boring story that involves Valerie, a convoluted game of truth-or-dare, Donny's bike, a homemade ramp, a fifth of Jack and a whole lot of 'I told you so's," she rolled her eyes at Kyla, trying to hold an exasperated look on her face.

"I agree, sounds like a terribly dull story," the brunette nodded, sounding completely serious.

The blonde, Val, gently whacked the smaller girl in the back of the knee with one of her crutches. "I know you both want to laugh at me," she pouted, which immediately caused the other two to dissolve into giggles. "Yeah, whatever, laugh it up," she groused, but was smiling at the both of them.

The girl in the glasses wiped at her eyes, "I can't believe Spence didn't tell you about it."

Kyla immediately frowned, "Neither can I."

"That's actually my fault," Val sheepishly raised her hand, "I had enough people on this side of the country calling me up and telling me what an idiot I am, plus I didn't want you to worry about me, so I asked Spencer to keep it on the DL. Sorry, Ky."

"Oh, I guess I can forgive you this once," she grinned, slipping an arm around the taller girl's waist in a one-armed hug. The action, however, turned her just enough to bring Ashley and Aiden into her line of sight. They were standing back, looking a little dazed and out of place, and Kyla instantly felt like a heel.

"I'm such a terrible hostess!" she groaned as she jumped from her two friends and pulled at the California natives until they were all standing in a circle in the middle of the hall. "Aid, Ashley, this is Valerie Hart and Marissa Lauder, two of my favorite girls on the East Coast. Val, 'Rissa, I would like you to meet my friend Aiden Dennison and Ashley Davies, my sister."

The two girls exchanged a quick, indiscernible look before greeting the two visitors. They all shared the necessary pleasantries for a few minutes before Marissa bounced the palm of her hand off her own forehead, "Damn." She gestured between her and the blonde, "We seriously need to get back to the gym. We told coach we were only going to our lockers and we've been gone for like fifteen minutes."

"But gym sucks when you aren't allowed to do anything," Val whined, "why can't we go see Spencer with DQ?"

"Don't pout at me, she's your coach," she flicked at the other girl, "And don't call her that."

Kyla pushed the blonde playfully, "I don't mind. I know she can't waste precious brain cells trying to figure out new nick-names."

The injured girl waved a crutch around threateningly and muttered, "If I weren't crippled," causing a fresh round of chuckles.

"We should hang out tonight," Marissa pulled Kyla into another hug, "Call us when you get a free minute and we'll figure something out."

"Definitely," Kyla grinned as she turned to hug Valerie.

They called out goodbyes and began to go in their separate directions when the blonde called out over her shoulder, "You may want to check Miss Langley's class first!"

"Thank you!" Kyla waved but her friends were too far away to respond at that point. "Come on," she turned to her guests once more, "Miss Langley is in Art Room C."

They followed her down the hall, past several closed doors that had the hum of people behind them, and when they approached a door with a stick figure in a skirt Ashley was sharply reminded of the three cups of coffee she'd had that morning. She informed her companions that she needed to make a pit stop and Kyla danced hesitantly from foot to foot, "Do you want us to wait for you?"

But she was tugging at the chain of her necklace and rocking on her heels and one look from Aiden pretty much had Ashley knowing what she should say, "Nah, go ahead. I'll catch up."

"Okay!" she responded brightly, slipping a hand around the bend of Aiden's elbow, "See you in a bit!"

Ashley absently smiled at how the boy stumbled to keep up with her sister, but wiped the fond look from her face as soon as she recognized it. When she was done she continued down the hall that Kyla and Aiden had gone down, but the hall dead ended into another one that went two different ways.

She peeked down both, but neither looked like they lead to any art classrooms. Frustrated, she looked back down the hall behind her and groaned when she saw that there was no one to ask for directions, "Why is everyone in class? What kind of school is this?"

She pulled out her cell to call Kyla, and groaned, "of course there's no service." She waved it about but the screen didn't change. "This is like some bad horror movie," she muttered, angrily clicking at the call button.

"I think in horror movies the building is usually abandoned."

Ashley jumped with a little yelp and clutched her phone to her chest. She spun around to find another girl standing behind her looking seconds away from cracking up. "What the hell is wrong with you?" the brunette hissed, "You don't go sneaking up on people when they're talking to themselves about horror movies!"

"My bad, I'll remember that next time," the girl's grin widened and lit up her entire face, distracting Ashley for a long moment. She was barely taller than the brunette, dressed in light jeans that were ripped at the knees and threaded strategically across her thighs, a tight black baby doll tee and black and silver etnies. Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders in waves and Ashley had to blink to stop from staring at the girl's smiling blue eyes. "Hi," she breathed and mentally smacked herself.

"Hello," the girl tilted her head to the left and flicked her eyes up and down Ashley's body.

'Is she checking me out?' the brunette thought as she felt the back of her neck heat up in embarrassment. Is she had known that there would be some incredibly hot girl at this school giving her the once over then she would have actually tried to look good before she got into Kyla's Jeep.

The corners of the girl's lips turned down, but the look was more curious than anything else, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"That's really unlikely," Ashley allowed her own gaze to travel the expanse of the blonde's trim figure, "and I think I would definitely remember meeting you."

"Same," the girl smiled once more, but Ashley was taken by the way her eyes didn't quite catch it. "Anyway," she gestured with her free hand (the Californian noticed her holding a think pad of paper in the other) towards the mobile that was forgotten in her own hand, "That's not going to work in here. The school board dropped quite a bit of coin to research and apply methods to legally block reception in the building."

"That's … awesome," Ashley groaned, shoving the phone back into the pocket of her jeans, having forgone a purse that morning. "Well, maybe you can help me out," she grinned suddenly as she shifted her feet to lean against a locker.

"I'll certainly try," the blonde replied, mirroring her position.

"I'm looking for Art Room 3, Miss Langley's class. Do you know where it is?" she glanced down and bit her bottom lip, 'am I flirting with this girl?' She looked up to find those blue eyes watching her fingers weave in and out of the pull strings, 'if I'm not I'm certainly going to start now!'

"Today must be your lucky day," those blue eyes lifted to meet Ashley's and she tucked a strand blonde hair behind her ear. "I'm on my way there right now. Follow me."

She pushed off the locker and took the hall that branched to the right. A couple of step in she turned and began to walk backwards so that she could see as well as talk to the brunette, "So, where are you from?"

"How do you know that I'm not from around here?" Ashley asked instead of answering, slowing down so that the blonde had to slow down as well.

The girl shrugged and shifted the pad from one hand to the other, "We'll call it a hunch and leave it at that."

"LA," she confessed and returned with her own question, "why are you so late for class?"

"How do you know I'm late?" was the playful response, accompanied by a grin. She paused then to squint at Ashley, "Are you stalking me?"

Ashley scoffed and continued walking past the blonde, "You wish."

"Oh I do," the blonde nodded seriously, rushing to catch up, "I have fantasies about having hot, Californian stalkers."

On the right they passed Art Room A and it was Ashley who turned to watch the blonde this time, "Well, maybe it's a lucky day for both of us."

"I certainly hope so," she waggled her light eyebrows causing the brunette to laugh as Art Room B was passed on the left. "I never got your name," she pointed out, gesturing with the notepad.

The brunette considered teasing the other girl, but realized the walk was at an end. "I'm Ashley," she claimed just outside the doorway of Art Room C.

The blonde didn't halt until she was less than a foot from the other girl, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ashley." She held out a hand, "I'm-"

"Spencer!" there was a flurry of dark hair and all Ashley could register was the blonde's shocked face splitting into the most genuine smile that she'd ever seen before her sister was wrapped around her guide.

"Kyla!" the blonde dropped the notepad she was holding and wrapped both arms around the enthusiastic girl's waist, hugging her back just as tightly. Laughter bubbled up from the both of them as the blonde picked her up and spun them around once. When both of her feet were back on the ground Kyla leant back but didn't relinquish her hold on the blonde's neck, just as the blonde settled her hands on the fashionista's hips, "What are you doing here? Your mom said you weren't getting in until tonight!"

"I wanted to surprise you!" Kyla laughed, pulling the taller girl into another hug.

Ashley blinked at the scene before her, not even registering Aiden standing slack jawed in the doorway of the classroom, and waved her hands, "Wait a minute!" Kyla pulled back and frowned at her.

The blonde looked between the two of them twice before it dawned on her, "Oh, wow. You're _that_ Ashley. You're Kyla's sister!"

"I am," she confirmed, but frowned uncomfortably at the title, "Who the hell are you?"

"Ash," Kyla stepped back a step so that she could easily slip an arm around the blonde's waist, "Aiden," she looked at the shell-shocked boy just as the blonde rested her own arm across Kyla's shoulders, "This is my best friend. This is Spencer."

The two just sort of stared in response as people began to poke their heads out of nearby classrooms to see what the commotion was. Spencer sighed as she squeezed Kyla to her side, "Did you forget to mention that I was a girl? Again?"

The brunette shrugged sheepishly, "Whoops?"


	5. Come Spirit, Come Charm

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Not so excited about the last chapter? Yeah, me neither. I want you all to know that this chapter did not want to be written. It was a struggle, for reals. There was a fight; punches were thrown as well as the good china, I may never be the same again. I know where I want to go with this and it gets better, but I have to set things up before I can get to the fun stuff. So, bear with me, please.

* * *

"Are you quite done making a spectacle of yourself, Miss Carlin?" an unnecessarily tall woman with frizzy auburn hair manhandled into a bun appeared in the doorway behind Aiden. She swept a low glare around the hall that caused the unwanted audience to shuffle back into their classes and everyone else to feel a little more like idiots.

"Oh, you know I'll never be done making a spectacle of myself, Miss Langley," Spencer grinned, hugging Kyla to herself once more and apparently immune to the look she was receiving.

"I see," she cast her gaze around the group of teens before her eyes settled on the blonde once more, "I take it I've lost you for the rest of the period."

The blonde looked down at smaller girl next to her goofily, "There's a very good chance of that, Ma'am."

Miss Langley pursed her lips and held out a hand, "Well, let see if you've earned it."

There was a bit of shuffling as Spencer bent to pick up the notepad she had discarded readily moments before and Ashley couldn't help herself as she followed the motion. Her eyes stayed focused on the blonde's form until Aiden appeared next to her and sharply nudged her in the side, "You're staring."

"Am not," she rasped back, just as the teacher flipped though several pages.

Kyla watched apprehensively as a silent conversation happened between her best friend and former art teacher over the top of the notepad. Finally Miss Langley flipped the book shut and handed it back to Spencer with a small smile, "Final projects are due next Wednesday and I am expecting great things from you, Spencer."

"I know, Ma'am, thank you," she replied, taking the notepad.

She waved it off and leveled her look at Kyla, "I'm sorry to see that you've not kept up with you art, Miss Woods, but it was nice to see you again."

"You too, Miss Langley," the young girl blushed at the small admonishment, "and maybe I'll try and start up again."

"See that you do," the woman nodded finally and without another word swept back into her classroom, shutting the door behind her.

The four teens in the hall were silent for about a second before Spencer turned to fully face Kyla, "I can't believe you're here." She opened her arms and her brunette best friend just sort of sunk into them, burying herself in the blonde's warmth, "I can't believe how much I missed you."

To the side, Ashley and Aiden watched a little awed at the look of absolute relief on Kyla's face as she circled Spencer's thin waist. "But you're okay, right?" she tilted back to watch the blonde through her eyelashes, "You sounded kind of weird on the phone the last couple of times we talked and -"

"Kyla," she interrupted, flicking her eyes to where the other two stood and back, "I'm good." She grasped the smaller girl by the shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes, "I'm better than good, okay? I swear."

The brunette bobbed her head once but raised her own hands to trace along the inside of Spencer's wrists, causing the girl to frown, "Okay. I just worry, you know?"

Spencer nodded and Ashley wondered if anyone else caught the sad shadow it cast, "I know." She took a deep breath and squeezed Kyla's shoulders once more, "We good?"

"Better than good," Kyla grinned.

"Good," she mimicked, tipping her head to touch her forehead to the shorter girl's, "Cause your friends are starting to get antsy."

There was some more lamenting on Kyla's part about what a terrible hostess she was, but eventually every one was introduced and Kyla happily announced that they were kidnapping Spencer for the rest of the day. It wasn't until they were once again piled in the Jeep, with Spencer in the back with Ashley, and on the road that the younger brunette actually thought about it, "You aren't going to get in trouble for skipping your last class are you?"

The blonde shrugged as she handed her friend a cd from the collection, "Maybe with one or two people, but no one that can cause any permanent damage."

The driver slipped the disc into the player, abruptly cutting off Justin Timberlake and causing a relieved sigh to echo from the three other occupants of the car. When the voice of Hayley Williams joined the instrumental Kyla frowned at Spencer through the rearview mirror, "I don't understand you like this and hate Kelly."

But the blonde was watching Ashley's closed eyes and contented smile when she responded, "I don't hate Kelly, baby girl, I went to her concert with you, didn't I?"

Ash's eyes snapped open and she flushed when she caught blue eyes staring at her. In the front Kyla snickered, "You only went because they were floor tickets and you think she's hot."

It was Spencer's turn to blush and Ashley felt an intrigued smile curve her lips upward. "Cute," she defended, "I said Kelly is cute, hot is more like Liz Phair."

"Liz Phair?" Aiden asked incredulously, turning in his seat to frown at the girl.

Spencer crossed her arms and sunk into her seat petulantly. The brunette next to her raised her eyebrows in a question and Kyla grinned in the mirror, "She's got this thing for chicks that play guitar."

There was a second of silence that had Spencer wondering how they would react to Kyla outing her but Aiden just shrugged and turned back in her seat, "That's respectable, I guess."

Ashley grinned mentally and, having found an opening, she flashed a flirtatious smile and informed the blonde, "I play guitar, you know."

The girls in the back seat settled into a light conversation about music and artists while Aiden watched how Kyla frowned and kept a cautious eye on the way they laughed together from the front seat. They were in the middle of arguing the greatest artists of the 80s (Ashley staunchly supporting Tom Petty while Spencer argued the merits of U2, Bruce Springsteen and The Police) when the blonde's phone rang.

_C-A-L-L-I-N-G now, I'm calling you,  
Calling you now_

"Hey, Annie," Spencer frowned as she answered, giving Kyla the 'one minute' signal when she shot her a confused look. "I will not. What's going on?" She rolled her eyes once and mouthed something to the brunette driver that caused her to roll her eyes as well, "Yeah, I figured something like that would happen. Alright, thanks for the heads up." She chuckled somewhat humorlessly at the reply. "I'll call you later when things are settled. Are you going to be at the house later? Okay, see you then."

When she flipped the phone shut Kyla resisted the urge to turn in her seat, "Who's Annie?"

"Marissa," she replied absently, flicking her cell onto silent.

"Why Annie?" she asked, looking over her shoulder to insure that she could take the off ramp safely.

Spencer looked a bit sheepish, like she knew that whatever she said wasn't going to be received well, "She's small, looks good in red, and has a sugar daddy and no parents."

"Spencer!" Kyla's jaw dropped and even Aiden and Ashley looked at her a little weirdly.

"What?" the blonde looked indignant, "She called me Mary Lennox first." She received three blank looks in return and rolled her eyes heavenward, "Je-_sus,_ read a frickin' book. She's the main character from _The Secret Garden_, you heathens."

Kyla frowned at that and without taking her eyes off the road reached back and asked, "What was she warning you about?"

"Hmm," Spencer slipped her phone into Kyla's outstretched hand, "Guess."

"Is she going to be a problem?" she handed Aiden the phone and pointed to the glove compartment. He glanced back at Spencer, who nodded once and with a shrug he placed the device in the glove box.

"Who knows," she shrugged and dug through Kyla's purse, which had been discarded earlier to the floor of the back seat, "It's like that Buckcherry song, she's a -"

"Crazy Bitch?" Kyla laughed and Spencer grinned in response. She finally pulled Kyla's phone from her purse, set it to silent and handed that to Aiden as well. "Sorry," she apologized to her two guests, "there are certain people in Spencer's life who are not fond of me and are likely to be very pissed off that she kind of dropped everything to hang out today."

"But it doesn't matter," the blonde leant forward and settled her hands on Kyla's shoulders, "Because I'm exactly where I want to be." She and her friend shared a smile through the mirror just as Kyla pulled into a half full parking lot.

They all exited the car and Kyla welcomed them to Inner Harbor, an apparent must for all first time visitors of Baltimore. She explained that it was kind of touristy, but still had a lot of cool stuff to do. They walked around for a while, checking out shops and the tourist attractions, getting ice cream from a vendor in a park, grabbing dinner near the water and generally acting like kids for a few hours. There was no rush or heavy topics of conversation and Ashley found herself just appreciating the calm way the two East Coast girls approached spending time together.

It also gave her plenty of time to observe her younger half-sister. Back in LA, Kyla had been overly cautious and a sensitive, like she was afraid to be too much around her newly found sibling. It was like a watered down version of who the younger girl really was and it annoyed Ashley because she wasn't fragile and didn't need to be treated as such. But here, on her coast, Kyla was in her element: loud, boisterous and infectiously happy. And Spencer was an added bonus, because, let's face it, the girl was hot. There was just something weird about the relationship between the two girls.

It wasn't hard for the eldest daughter of Raife Davies to see how close the two other girls were. It showed in almost every motion, look and word and Ashley was beginning to wonder just _how_ close the two were. She also began to feel a small niggling of jealousy at the back of her consciousness, although if it was from the fact that Kyla had someone so devoted to her or the fact that it was this specific person that was so devoted, Ashley couldn't say.

Spencer was one of those people that seemed prepared to do anything to make the people around her happy, she was pretty well versed in mediating between Kyla and everyone else, making the whole experience as painless as possible, and she was unfailingly polite, as if every negative thing thrown at her just rolled off. The California girl was also delighted to find that the blonde was a natural flirt and took every opportunity presented to her (with all three of her companions), taking special interest in Ashley and drawing her into some of the most outrageous innuendo wars that had her feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

But then there was the way that she would sometimes catch the blonde just sort of watching her, with her head titled slightly to one side and an almost lost look on her face. There was just something about her eyes that made Ashley feel like she both belonged to the world around her and was, at the same time, just outside of it.

Close to sunset, Kyla and Spencer led the two visitors to the "Top of the World", which was the observation deck of the Baltimore World Trade Center. When Aiden and Spencer began talking about sports, Kyla huffed and drew Ashley to one side and began pointing out some on the sites that were visible from the deck.

"So what's going on between you two?" the blonde asked when she was sure they would be overheard by the brunettes.

"What?" Aiden asked, eyes widening at the girl's tone and abrupt topic change. "Nothing," he told her, glancing at the siblings and inching further from where they stood. Spencer gave him a look that said she didn't believe him and he shook his head resolutely, "I'm serious. We're just friends. I mean, at one time I thought there was something, but now I know. We're just friends." The blonde gave him an unconvinced look, but seemed prepared to let it drop when he rushed to add, "Besides Ash is gay."

Spencer chuckled then and the boy was beginning to wonder if all girls were this prone to mood swings or if was just the ones he knew. "That I could definitely tell," she patted him on the arm, "What I meant, and maybe I should have been clearer, was what's going on between you and Kyla."

"Oh!" he flushed and couldn't stop himself from looking at them once more. He sighed, "Answer's still the same I guess: nothing."

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow and followed his line of sight, "That's weird."

"Why?" he gushed excitedly, "Did she say something about me?" But then he jerked back suddenly, waving his hands in front of himself, "Wait, don't answer that." Spencer's jaw snapped shut and he offered an apologetic grin, "It doesn't matter, Ash would kill me for even thinking it."

"Okay," she shrugged, "Suit yourself." She was more than willing to change the subject once more because she had already gotten what she needed.

Across the way, Ashley used the lull in her and Kyla's conversation to ask about something that had been bothering her since the car ride there, "Why did you and Spencer leave your phones in the car?"

Kyla blinked, like she hadn't been expecting the action to be question, and then laughed a little, "It's kind of a habit now, actually. Like, a year ago Spencer had this girlfriend, Amy I think, that would flip out and call a hundred times if Spencer was out with just me, so we started leaving them in the car to avoid that whole mess. They lasted less than a month, but it was a good way to ensure that we would get some quality best friend time in, so we just, kind of, kept doing it."

Ashley nodded, but couldn't quite understand cutting herself off like that for any reason. There were few people that she would drop everything for to pick up a call from, but her phone was like a lifeline and a constant. But then, maybe there was no one in the world more important to Kyla and Spencer than each other so the phone was unnecessary. She wondered if Kyla's mom knew that they left their phones in the car and that she wouldn't be able to get a hold of them until they were on the way home.

And that thought lead to another, "But won't Spencer's parent freak when they can't get a hold of her. No one knew we were coming early."

The younger girl shot her a weird look, half confused, half pitying and entirely sad. She glanced over Ashley's shoulder where Aiden was waving his hands and Spencer was looking confused and she sighed, "Have you ever actually read _The Secret Garden_?"

Ashley blinked at the non-sequential question, "What?"

"_The Secret Garden_," Kyla repeated, "Spencer mentioned earlier that 'Ris had called her Mary Lennox, who was the main character."

"Okay. So?"

"So," Kyla rubbed at the back of her neck, an action she had apparently picked up from Aiden, "The thing about 'Ris is that she's very particular about the things she calls people, she likes to be specific and descriptive. It's why she reacted that way when Val called me DQ, Drama Queen," she explained at her sister's blank look.

"What does this have to do with leaving you phones in the car?" Ashley was beginning to her lost and it showed in her voice.

"It has to do with the fact that Spencer's parents aren't going to freak," she looked past Ashley once more and her entire face softened noticeably, "Mary Lennox is actually a really good description of Spencer for a lot of reasons, but most notably because, well," she sighed heavily once more, "because neither have parents."

Ashley felt like the world tilted once more to the left and she wavered a little in her stance, "You're saying that-"

"I'm saying that Spencer's an orphan, her parents died in a car wreck like ten years ago."

* * *

_Don't kill me! _


	6. All Downhill From Here

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Sorry this took so long, my life is just madness right now and it's not showing any signs of getting better. But I did want to get this out, if just for one person who was a serious boost to my ego when I needed it. Danke.

Just so you know, I take my MCAT in less than two weeks so until that's done I'm giving up my computer and, apparently, my social life. I hope all is well for you all out there and to everyone who's going back to school: good luck!

* * *

_Ashley felt like the world tilted once more to the left and she wavered a little in her stance, "You're saying that-"_

"_I'm saying that Spencer's an orphan, her parents died in a car wreck like ten years ago."_

Ashley rocked back on her heels like the news had come as a physical blow. Her head whipped around to glance at where the blonde was standing with Aiden and gave her another once over, as if looking for some obvious sign of tragedy, but could see nothing different about the girl.

Beside her, Kyla tipped her head to one side and waved the two athletes to join them. "It's not like it's a huge deal, Ash," she shrugged and caught her sister's eyes, "I'm just saying."

Then, like she was used to switching rapidly between emotions, Kyla's face split into a smile just as the other two joined her and Ashley. The young fashionista talked animatedly about one thing or another as they watched the sun set on the city and then as they left the building, but her sister found the conversation didn't quite hold her attention and instead choose to stand a little ways back and just observe. If her behavior was noticed or found odd, it was not commented on, but Aiden had sent her several confused looks.

They made it back to the parking lot and piled into the Jeep, but before they were able to leave the area Kyla noticed that she was nearly on empty and pulled into a gas station before they hit the Interstate. As she slid the Jeep into park next to a pump she eyed the shady looking boys on skateboards hanging out around the entrance and pouted at Aiden until he volunteered to accompany her inside.

Kyla twisted in her seat as the boy was slipping out of the Jeep and addressed the two girls in the back seat with raised eyebrows, "Want anything from inside?" Spencer opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a flip of her friend's hand, "I know what you want, hun, I was talking to Ashley."

The brunette in question glanced between the two of them with her lips drawn in a line. Without meaning to she caught the matching smiles on their faces, even though neither was looking at the other, and shook her head slightly, "I think I'm good."

With a bob of her head, Kyla jumped out of the car and followed Aiden into the station's small mart with a skip in her step. Her sister watched until they were no longer visible and then turned to find Spencer's bright blue eyes staring at her intently. "Jesus!" she jumped, pressing a hand to her heart as the blonde's head tilted slightly to the left. "You really need to stop that," the girl admonished.

But Spencer chose to ignore the statement with a small frown. "What happened?" she asked softly, looking away slowly to watch the boys attempt tricks in front of the store.

Ashley blinked as the other girl appeared almost shy, something she had never even thought to connect to the blonde from the first moment they'd met. "What?"

"You keep looking at me, like you think I'm going to break. You weren't doing that earlier. Something changed and I would like to know what it is," Spencer requested, somehow sounding both resigned and exasperated.

The brunette drew back, just a bit embarrassed that her behavior had been that obvious. She felt her eyes travel the profile of the blonde, and felt like even though she'd been looking at her the entire day this is the first time she saw her. The sky in the window behind the other girl was darkening rapidly and the iridescent lights of the gas station made her appear pale and sad resulting in a weird clenching sensation in Ashley's stomach that she's never experienced before.

There was a moment where Ashley thought very seriously about ignoring the information that had been playing on repeat in her mind since the moment she'd received it and going back to the way things were less than an hour ago. She considered the facts that she did not know this girl, did not owe her any piece of herself and certainly did not care about the tragedies of the blonde's life. She recognized in that moment that this girl was no different that the countless ones she'd left behind in LA, whose stories were their own and meant nothing to Ashley.

But then Spencer turned those big baby blues on her, and the brunette found is suddenly hard to breathe and near impossible to lie. "Kyla told me about your parents," she confessed with a cringe, fully aware of how hollow it sounded in the backseat of Kyla's Jeep.

Blue eyes narrowed at the same time the corners of her lips quirked down, "What exactly did Kyla tell you about my parents?"

Ashley resisted the urge to draw back at the flat tone of her voice. "She told me, uh," she faltered then as she realized she had never had to vocalize the misfortunes of another's life. She backpedaled in her own mind, synapses firing to find a safe way to change the topic, but it was the shade of blue that had the brunette continuing in a small voice, "that you don't have any."

Spencer stared hard into Ashley's chocolate brown eyes as if searching for something tangible and, after a second that felt so much longer, she broke eye contact and waved a hand. "Of course I have parents," she replied in a flippant manner that didn't quite fit the subject matter.

Ashley jerked and slid her gaze sideways to follow Spencer's line of sight, both watching the storefront to look for their companions but only one set stayed there. "But Kyla said…" the brunette drifted off, trying to organize the thoughts and information in her head.

_Hadn't Kyla said -? Had Kyla lied to her?_

"Everyone has parents, Ashley," Spencer explained in a manner the brunette was tempted to call condescending as she slumped into her seat. "Mine just," she sighed and there was a flash of that heartache that Ashley was looking for earlier, "Mine just aren't here anymore."

"Oh," Ashley reddened a little for no reason that she could understand except that she had just met this girl and she already felt like a fool.

Beside her the blonde sighed, causing some of her hair to flutter and catch the artificial light. She then bit her bottom lip in thought and rolled her neck to look at her companion without having to turn her shoulders, "Kyla told you I was an orphan?"

"Yeah," she breathed in response, wanting to bury herself in the soft material of her hoodie, "Are you upset that she did? 'Cause, I mean, I know that we just met and it's really not any of my business-"

She waved her hand dismissively much like Kyla had done to her earlier, "I'm not upset. It's a matter of public record and not something that I try and hide."

Ashley felt she must have had some sort of amusingly confused look on her face from the way Spencer started to laugh. "I'm not upset," she repeated as she reached out to pat the brunette solidly on the knee for reassurance. "I'm just surprised," she explained, "Kyla's pretty protective of me and tends to play the tragedies of my life close to her vest so. To hear that she trusts you with this, it's big and I was just surprised. Okay?"

The brunette was more than a little distracted by the way the girl's fingers tapped an unconscious beat on her knee, warming her entire leg even through her jeans. Somehow she was able to nod once, "Okay."

It wasn't hard for Spencer to see how Ashley's attention was effected and she smirked, quite proud of herself. Slyly she leant in a little closer, squeezed Ashley's knee once, and spoke quietly, "There must be something incredibly special about you, Ashley Davies."

Ashley forced her attention from the hand on her knee to the smile on the girl's lips and then to her eyes. She recognized the glint in them, acknowledged that it was probably familiar to her own eyes, and felt her gaze lower once more to wear the fabric of the blonde's shirt pulled tight, perfectly visible from the position they found themselves in.

_Click-click_

Ashley jerked back as the automatic locks went off and Spencer's laughter filled the space of the car. Her jaw dropped when she finally looked at the other girl's face, split openly in merriment. "You did that on purpose!" she accused. Reaching across the space she shoved the blonde on the shoulder, which only got her laughing harder. Ashley found herself starting to grin widely and when Spencer looked up to wipe at her eyes she began to laugh as well.

They settled into silent chuckles by the time Kyla opened up the driver's side door and gave them both a very clear 'what the hell' look, "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, baby girl," Spencer grinned as her best friend offered her a large can of some energy drink. Ashley looked away and out the window behind her to find Aiden giving her a look similar to Kyla's as he pumped the gas. In response, she rolled her eyes and flipped him off.

Back on the inside of the Jeep Kyla had reached across the center console to pop open the glove box and grab the cell phones from inside. "Ready for the results?" she asked Spencer as she handed the girl one of the two devices.

The blonde groaned even as she took it from the brunette, "Yeah, might as well get it over with." She tapped a button on the side of Kyla's phone and lifted her eyebrows, "Four missed call, two from your mom, one from Val and one from Isaac, and three texts, all from Scott."

From her seat, Kyla frowned, "Why is he texting me?"

"Dunno," she shrugged, "Want me to beat him up?"

"Oh yeah," her friend rolled her dark eyes skyward, "'Cause that worked out _so_ well last time."

Ashley lifted an eyebrow in question, which Spencer caught and flushed slightly but did not expand on the obvious question. "Moving on," she set the phone back into Kyla's purse, "What's the verdict?"

Kyla slid open the phone in her hand and let out a low whistle, "Oh you definitely win." She clicked a few buttons and laughed almost humorlessly, "Twelve calls, nine from Juliet, one from my mom, and two from Chris and seven texts, one from 'Ris, one from Donny, one from your coach, and four from Juliet." Spencer grunted once and smacked her head against Kyla's headrest which caused the girl to snort and slap the phone into the blonde's waiting hand. "Possessive much?" she groused.

"Don't remind me," she replied, tapping the phone lightly, thinking about texting back, but ultimately deciding against it as she shoved it into her back pocket.

Kyla twisted in her seat to fully face her friend and caught Spencer's eyes for a moment as Aiden finished outside and opened his door. "Where to next?" he asked unaware of the tension that had risen in the Jeep.

The brunette in the driver's seat sighed as she turned and started the car, "Back to the house, I guess. Spence, you want to call my mom?"

Spencer nodded with a tight smile as she pulled her phone out once more and held down the number 4. Kyla changed the radio station and seemed entirely prepared to drop the matter, but Ashley, who had never done well with not being in the middle of things, was rather inclined to know what the hell was going on. "Not to be rude or anything," Aiden snorted in the front and Ashley kicked the back of his seat, "But who's Juliet?"

"My arch nemesis," Kyla deadpanned, but then sighed at Spencer's pleading look and amended, "and Spencer's girlfriend."


	7. I Will Show You Mine

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: My life is turning upside down and this makes me happy.

* * *

Ashley sighed somewhat petulantly and leant back further into the backseat of Kyla's Jeep. In the front seat, Aiden and her sister were having a conversation that was mostly drowned out by the music pouring from the radio but appeared to involve a lot of light touches and shy smiles. She opened her mouth to ask them, in a manner that was likely to be crass, to crease with such behavior, but Aiden's shoulders were relaxed in a manner that was not often seen and Kyla's smile was just enough to force the musician to bite her tongue for now.

Besides, it would be a little hypocritical of her to get angry at her sister's and best friend's flirting when all she wanted to do was flirt with her sister's best friend. That option, however, was currently closed to her.

Almost as soon as she'd finished talking to Kyla's mom Spencer received a text that had her rolling her eyes and ducking under her friend's inquisitive gaze. This lead to a fast paced texting conversation that had the blonde scowling and slouching more with every one received, and Ashley had to content herself with silently indulging herself on Spencer's looks alone.

For the moment she was okay with this.

With a low groan that came out almost growl-like, Spencer slid her phone shut and braced her forehead with her free hand, like she was warding off a headache. Her shoulders were tight even in the way they were slouched forward and it was painfully obvious how upset this person was making her. Ashley didn't know what to do, seeing as she hadn't been in a position like this since she'd been friends with Madison Duarte. Comforting people was not her strong suit.

Sensing her discomfort, Spencer turned to offer Ashley an apologetic smile. "Sorry I-" but whatever she was going to say was cut off by the device in her hand lighting up and vibrating. She groaned once more, slipped further down the seat, and opened the phone.

Ashley figured she should be more pissed off, considering she was being virtually ignored by all people in the car, but she bit her tongue once more. She cast her eyes around for something to distract herself but was continuously drawn back to the girl sitting next to her.

It was because she was hot; Ashley tried to convince herself, not because the way her lips pouted made her want to brush her thumbs across them. Her blue eyes were stormy and dark and Ashley didn't even know that so many shades of blue could exist, but she was convinced that the blonde's eye covered the whole fucking spectrum.

She blinked heavily, trying to force herself to stop those thoughts before they could even get started, and looked at other places that tended to inspired not so poetic thoughts. The blonde had slipped down the seat in such a manner that her shirt had ridden up, revealing a thin strip of tanned stomach that proved to be a perfect distraction. Curiously, she noticed that on the front of Spencer's right hip were several dark spots that disappeared under the line of her jeans and Ashley found herself frowning as she tried to piece out what they could possibly be.

Spencer, on the other hand, was completely over the conversation she was trapped in. With a kind of finality that had been the feel of every conversation with her girlfriend over that last week and a half she tapped out a message with her thumbs.

**For the last time you know that's not true. She's my best friend. And, oh yeah, she's straight.**

She felt the fine hairs on her arms stand in a way that often meant she was being watched and turned slightly to find Ashley staring intently at her lap. The back of her next grew hot with a blush until she looked down herself and realized what the brunette was probably staring at. Smirking, because the other girl seemed to bring it out of her, she turned her hips just slightly so the waistline dipped a little more. Ashley's throat moved in a swallow and Spencer felt her heart beat a little faster at the very subtle compliment.

Her phone went off again, but her attention was already firmly taken from the argument. Absently she flicked the message open.

**Is that the only thing stopping you?! What if she wasn't? Then what would you do??!**

Ashley looked up to find Spencer's blue eyes shining in amusement and realized she's been caught staring. She fought hard against a blush and forced herself not to turn away in embarrassment; in stead she raised her eyebrows in a challenge. Spencer's answer was to widen her grin, tap out a quick reply, and put her phone away.

Keeping eye contact, the blonde slid her thumb into the waist of her jeans and winked, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

The brunette's eyes flicked down to see that the dark spots weren't spots at all, they were the tops of several shaped etched into Spencer's skin. Her answering smirk easily matched Spencer's, "Is that a tattoo?"

Some miles away, another girl was glaring angrily at her own phone. Her face was flushed and her heart beat a pattern against the inside of her ribcage, but this was no euphoric feeling. She took one more look at the words on the screen but they didn't change.

**You need to get over this stupid jealousy and just trust me. I'm done talking about this.**

She clenched her teeth to stop herself of crying in frustration and dialed a different number with shaking hands.

!!

Less than fifteen minutes later they pulled into the driveway of a two story house that was definitely not the one that they had left from earlier in the day. Aiden eyed the two cars in the driveway and four more in the street before asking the obvious question, "Whose house is this?"

"The fo-rents," Spencer quipped, her mood having improved dramatically during the last leg of the drive.

Ashley unfastened her seatbelt and exiting the car as everyone else did, "Fo-rents?" She had directed the question at the blonde but it was Kyla that answered.

"Spencer's foster parents," she smiled weakly, snaking an arm around her best friend's waist in a supportive manner as they walked to the front door. Her smile strengthened as Spencer moved to rest her own arm across the dark haired girl's shoulders.

Aiden looked at the three girls he was with but quickly realized he was the only one who was one step behind in the story. "You live in a foster home?" he asked, speeding up his steps to fall in line with the others.

"Yeah," the blonde glanced at both California natives over the top of Kyla's head as she answered the boy's question, "My parents died when I was young and I was sent here to live with my Grams, but she passed a couple months ago and because I'm only seventeen I have to live in a foster home until the courts can decide what to do with me."

"Oh damn," he caught her eye briefly, but could tell she didn't want to hold the look for too long, "I'm sorry to hear that."

She shrugged and hugged Kyla a little tighter to herself, "Thanks."

Aiden felt his fingers twitch and he slowed his steps just a tad to fall behind the girls, but they didn't seem to notice. He watched them for a moment, confused, and then jogged to step through the front door with them.

A small boy with dark hair rushed quickly through the foyer they found themselves in, wriggled between Kyla and Spencer, and hid himself behind the blonde's leg, "'Tect me, Spinner!"

"Dominic, what the -?" but she cut off when another boy, only slightly bigger, hurried in after him.

"Give it back Dom!" he shouted, pivoting to try and get around Spencer but at the last second she reached out and grabbed him around the chest, lifting and turning his kicking legs away from the others. "Let me go, Spencer! Tell him to give it back!"

"Take a breath, Jacob," she instructed, tightening her grip marginally as he kicked out one more time. He quickly figured out that he wouldn't be able to break her hold, though, and forcibly relaxed his body. "Tell me, without shouting, what the heck is going on."

"He took my monkey," Jacob grumbled, sounding embarrassed to have to say it aloud, especially to the older girl and her friends.

She set him down then, but did not let him go, choosing instead to rest her arm across the front of his collar, "Is that true?" she asked the younger boy.

The boy in question, Dominic, realized that all eyes were on him and glanced down at the stuffed toy in his hands, instantly his lower lip trembled and his eyes grew bright. "But I can't find my Bunny!" he shouted, gasping the monkey to his chest.

Spencer sighed and the other teenagers could see the weariness around her moth and eyes. She gave Jacob one gentle squeeze, silently asking him to back off, before she knelt before the other crying little boy. "I understand that you're upset, Dom, but you can't just take things that don't belong to you. This monkey is important to Jake, like Bunny is important to you, and when you take it away from him it makes him very sad. You don't want to make him sad do you?" she spoke very gently to him.

He clenched his jaw tightly but looked both Spencer and Jacob in the eyes before looking down and shaking his head 'no'.

"Okay then," she stood back up and reached to set a hand on each boys shoulder and nudged them to come face to face, "Dominic, give Jacob back his monkey and apologize."

With his chin to his chest the smaller boy held out the toy and mumbled, "Sorry, 'Acob."

Jacob snatched the object from his hand and held it close to himself, looking relieved to have it back. He was content to let the encounter end at that but was prompted by Spencer's stern look and raised eyebrows to pat Dominic on the shoulder and offer, "I can help you look for Bunny if you want, Dom."

This brightened the younger significantly and together they ran out of the foyer and further into the house. The blonde girl set her hands on her hips and blew out a breath.

"Not bad, kiddo."

Spencer nearly jumped out of her skin, and then flushed brightly at the looks she was getting from Ashley, Aiden, Kyla and the new woman.

"Je-_sus_, Chris, you scared the hell out of me!" she hissed, hand clutching the front of her shirt.

From near the doorway Ashley sniggered unhelpfully which prompted Spencer to flip her off with a grin and Kyla to glance confusedly between them. Chris pinched her face into a disapproving look but a smile was very clear in her eyes, "Watch yourself, girlie."

The blonde swung an arm around the older woman with a laugh, "You got it fo-mom."

Chris rolled her eyes good-naturedly and poked Spencer in the side, "Why don't you introduce me to your friends, fo-daughter."

Spencer gestured to the shorter girl, "I'm sure you remember my best friend, Kyla?" The woman nodded a hello and the blonde girl motioned to the other two, "And this is her sister, Ashley, and friend, Aiden, from LA."

Spencer's foster mom was a good looking woman with light brown hair and dark green eyes, barely taller the Spencer herself she had a smile that lit up her entire face and an energy that made her whole body vibrate. She shook hands with Spencer's guests and then turned to face her foster child, "Don't stay up all night, okay? And don't be late for your game. Do you want me to call you in the morning to make sure you get up on time?"

Spencer shook her head, "I'll get Kyla's mom to wake me up."

"Ok then," she hugged Spencer briefly, "Good luck tomorrow and I'll talk to you after the game. Marissa's upstairs in your room with Valerie and you should say goodnight to Dom and Andrew before you leave." The girl nodded and Chris grinned at Kyla, Aiden and Ashley once more, "It was nice meeting you all."

They all said their goodbyes and she walked to the left of the nearby staircase while Spencer led them to the second floor, down a hallway and into a room located on the right hand side.

There were two beds in the room, one neatly made with a half-packed duffle bag and lacrosse stick on top and the other occupied by the small, dark haired girl from earlier surrounded by several books. Marissa looked up from her notes and nodded at them, "Hey Ky, Aiden, Ashley," and with a smile she winked at the blonde, "Mary."

"Annie," Spencer faux-collapsed on her bed, right over her open books, and sighed, "I'm getting tired of those ones, let's come up with something new. Where's your girl?"

Marissa tilted her head to a door on the other side of the room, which Ashley assumed lead to a balcony of some sorts, and replied, "She got a call about twenty minutes ago." Spencer raised her eyebrows but Marissa just shook her head, "I didn't ask."

Spencer frowned but pushed past it with a wave of her hand around the room, "Take a seat, guys, and make yourselves comfortable."

The three guests found various places around the room and made small talk with Marissa while Spencer gathered up some clothing and miscellaneous items and placed them into the bag on her bed. For a moment Ashley was so caught up in the surreality of the moment, sitting there talking and laughing with people she barely knew that she almost missed the sliding of the door as Valerie wobbled into the room to join them. But nothing could have stopped her from noticing the way the blondes immediately snapped to look at one another, the way Spencer glanced evenly at the phone in Val's hand, or the look of distaste they shot at one another.

Yet Ashley must have been the only one to notice, because the injured girl smoothly inserted herself in the conversation with a laugh and no one said a word about it. Spencer, on the other hand, just grew quite and just finished packing.


	8. Friday Night The Click Five

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: ummmmmmm…. hi? So legitimately there is no excuse. My world was turned on its head and I'm just know finding my footing again. If there is anyone out there still interested in reading it's here. Sorry I took so long to find my way back.

* * *

Spencer finished packing in a rush and set the duffle down next to her equipment by the door as Kyla and the two Californians stood from their varying positions. For a second the girl looked unsure as she flicked her bright blue eyes around the room but shrugged and jutted her thumb over her shoulder towards the hall, "I'm going to say good night to some of the others and I'll be right back."

As soon as she was cleared from the door way Kyla dropped the smile from her lips and crossed her arms at the only other blonde in the room, "What the hell is going on?"

Ashley blinked as the tone of her half-sister's voice and was slightly impressed by the fact that the younger girl had also caught onto the tension between the two, not that she'd admit it aloud that is.

Valerie opted for the clueless response by dropping her arms and shooting a bewildered look at Marissa, "Huh?"

The dark-haired girl shook her head with a frown and Valerie immediately hunched her shoulders in a defensive posture that all but screamed 'busted'. "Don't worry about it, Ky," she said while lifting one shoulder and jamming her hands in her pockets, "Spence has got a lot on her plate right now, and it's just causing some stupid drama with the group, you know? We'll work it out like we always do."

From the bed Marissa rolled her eyes where Val couldn't see and Kyla's crossed arms went from aggressive to protective with a shift of her feet, "What do you mean a lot on her plate? What's going on? Val? 'Rissa?" she pressed, her brown eyed gaze touching both girls.

The blonde glanced at the other girl, but Marissa refused to meet her eyes and before she could try and explain Spencer breezed back through the door immediately picking up on the tension of the room. "Whoa, who put the freeze on in here?" she asked in a forced light-hearted tone glancing around but none of the three East Coast girls would look back. Aiden just looked confused so Spencer looked to Ashley and for a second their was a flash of … _something_ there but it was gone just as the brunette shrugged in her own confusion.

Aiden, who had been surrounded by female friends for the better part of his life and was thus fairly well versed in shifting an awkward silence, clapped his hands and slipped into an easy going grin, "Well, I think we should probably be getting back to Kyla's house. It's getting late and we wouldn't want her mom to worry."

"Good thinking, man," Spencer agreed reaching to pick up her stuff by the door, "It'd be a bad idea to get on Mama Woods bad side, especially considering.." she gave a non-too subtle look between him and Kyla which caused Kyla's jaw to drop as she swiped at the blonde and Aiden grin to turn sheepish, everyone else in the room to broke into half-hearted shows of amusement.

"Uh yeah, so, leaving now," Aiden stumbled through as he ducked out the door followed by Kyla and Ashley but Spencer was stopped in the doorway by Marissa calling her name as she climbed off the bed. Ashley paused along with the blonde but the other two were already half way down the stairs so she was the only one who saw the shorter dark-haired girl offer Spencer an envelope before reaching up to wrap her arms securely around the blondes neck in a tight hug.

"Good luck tomorrow, sis, and be careful," she leaned back far enough for Spencer to offer a slight smile in return, "Forget everything for a bit, the world will work itself out, just enjoy the next couple of days, okay?"

There was a moment where it looked like Spencer was going to say one thing but at the last second her eyes changed and she grinned through a, "Only because you asked so nicely, little one." Marissa wrinkled her nose at the endearment and slipped back to tap the blonde on one cheek only to place a sisterly kiss on the other.

Over their shoulders only Ashley seemed aware of Valerie's clenched jaw and level stare.

!

After a short drive back to Kyla's home, during which the younger daughter of Raife Davies and Aiden would neither speak nor look at one another without turning a light shade of pink, the teenagers gathered on the front porch just as Kyla's mother stepped out onto it.

"Finally," the older woman grinned through an exasperated sigh and drew her sweater tighter against the chill of the nighttime spring air. She glanced between her daughter and the blonde for a second, wide smile spilling beautifully over her face and opened her arms in expectation.

Immediately the two looked at one another and Spencer shoved Kyla's shoulder with her free hand, "Go on then, girlie, give your mom a hug."

"Oh no," the brunette dipped under her hand to put both of her own on the blonde's back and push, "That's totally a good luck hug for you."

"Come on, Ky, you've been gone for two months! She missed you!" Spencer protested as she dropped her bag and shifted to bring Kyla ahead of her.

Despite the way they were bickering about who had to hug the woman, Ashley was near shocked to see her smile grow brighter and watery at the same time as she stepped forward and solved the problem for them by wrapping one arm around each girl and sinking into them, "Oh, my girls."

They both rolled their eyes but it was the matching grins on their faces that was more telling as they hugged her back for a few seconds before Kyla patted her mom on the back, "Okay mom, you love us, we love you. Now can you please let us go? You're totally making a scene in front of the cool kids."

Aiden and Spencer chuckled as Eileen let go to wipe at her misty eyes with the palm of her hand before they all moved to go inside. Kyla peaked back over her mother's shoulder in time to see Ashley standing still on the porch, brow furrowed, lips quirked down and a lost expression in her eyes.

!

"Truth or dare?"

For the moment the four teenagers were gathered in Kyla's room. Spencer and Kyla opted to lay on their stomachs, side by side on the bed while Ashley claimed the swivel chair at the computer desk which left Aiden with a wide expanse of floor. It was barely past nine in the evening but jetlag and an early next day had them deciding to put off going out for tomorrow night, which left them floundering for something entertaining to do.

From her spot next to Kyla, Spencer grabbed the pillow she was lying on and used it to smack her best friend, "No. Bad Kyla."

The brunette rolled to avoid the offending object from a second hit, nearly falling from the bed, but caught herself at the last second, "What?"

"That's a bad game," the blonde groaned and sat up to catch Ashley's stare and smirk at her, causing the California brunette to stick out her tongue. But to the conversation, she poked Kyla in the side which received a squeak and a smack in return, "bad things happen with it, you know that, baby girl."

Kyla rolled back into her previous position on her stomach and glanced at the blonde through her eye lashes, "like what happened to Val?"

Spencer frowned immediately and opened her mouth to reply, but seemed to change her mind when she noticed all eyes on her. She shook her head and shrugged, "that was her own damn fault."

Sensing a deeper meaning, but willing to give Spencer time to come to her on her own, Kyla changed the topic, "How about another game? How long has it been since you guys have played monopoly?"

"Ashley can't play monopoly," Aiden supplied under the glare of the girl in question, "twenty minutes in she'll pitch a fit, flip the board and not talk to anyone for days."

The East Coast girls turned and gave her similar raised eyebrow looks which caused her to flush hotly and mutter, "It's a stupid game and Aiden cheats."

The boy just rolled his eyes and offered another option, "How about just hanging out and watching movies."

Kyla leant up on her elbows, "That could work, but Spencer isn't allowed to pick movies."

"Just because you don't like horror movies," the blonde scoffed then added, "but that sounds like a good idea. What do you say Ashley? Want to be boring indoors people on your first night in Baltimore?"

Ashley thought for a second about what she would be doing if she were back in LA. Friday nights were generally reserved for alcohol, parties, clubs and random hook-ups and while she knew it would probably be a lot worse had she never gotten pregnant and miscarried, she never spent the night just hanging out and being comfortable. She glanced at the people in the room, Aiden had a look that bordered on a wince like he was just waiting for her to argue, Kyla had a hopeful look and Spencer was just watching her with her head tilted slightly to the left again.

She thought about it. About hanging out as she was, comfortable in her own skin, not trying to force some kind of connection or impress people with not enough clothing and a fake smile because she was hanging out with people who _already_ liked her.

She thought about it then she smiled, "That actually sounds perfect."


	9. Caught Up In The Moment

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: OMG! It's been less than a year! Thanks for the reviews and for the excellent questions posed they will be answered, actually quite soonish. And what perceptive readers I have :)

* * *

It was after copious amounts of junk food and _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ (during which Spencer and Aiden quoted pretty much the entire thing to many eye rolls by the half sisters and Kyla's mother) that the matron of the house announced her retirement for the evening while muttering about the unfair nature of teenage metabolisms. She kissed both Kyla and Spencer on the foreheads and offered a wide smile and pleasant 'good-night' to her daughter's guests.

"So what next?" Kyla asked, uncurling her body from its position on one end of the couch.

Spencer jumped up from her spot next to her and grabbed a movie from a row on a nearby bookcase.

Kyla frowned at her, "No. I don't know what it is, but no." The blonde flashed the cover of _The Hills Have Eyes_ and her best friend wailed, "Noo!"

"We'll put it to a vote. Aiden?"

The boy looked back and forth between the two, caught Kyla's pleading look and Spencer's raised eyebrows before he shrugged, "Sounds cool to me."

Kyla glared at him half-heartedly and crossed her arms over her chest. Spencer, on the other hand, grinned, "Score." She turned fully to the La-Z-Boy that Ashley was currently seated in, "Looks like its up to you, oh great guitarist."

The brunette in question, not wanting to appear like the wuss she actually was when it came to horror movies in front of the blonde, just nodded her head with as little reluctance as she could muster. She figured that if worst came to worst it was dark enough in the room that she could hide under the blanket she was currently wrapped in and no one would notice.

"Sweet! Majority rules, Ky," Spencer waved the movie in her face before turning to set it in the DVD player.

As she was moving back to her spot on the couch Kyla abruptly stuck her legs out to prevent the blonde from sitting down. "Nuh-uh, you've been banished to the floor," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone and pointed to the ground. Spencer rolled her eyes with a grin but sat down on the floor in front of the middle of the couch. "And no being an asshole and grabbing my feet during the scary parts!" so the blonde moved further down the couch away from her best friend.

Fifteen minutes into the movie and before anyone had actually died, Spencer jumped up and headed out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Kyla cried sitting up straighter, "You don't get to put the scary movie in and then make us watch it without you!"

"Chill out, spaz," Spencer waved her off, "I'm getting something to drink, is that all right with you?" Kyla just glared and settled back into the couch. "Would anyone else like something?"

Kyla muttered darkly to the negative, Aiden shook his head with a grin as he pulled Kyla's feet into his lap from his spot on the far end of the couch and Ashley was morbidly too drawn into the TV to answer.

She came back just as the action was getting started to find Aiden had moved closer to Kyla and Ashley sitting with most of her head covered by her blanket and only her eyes peaking out. Figuring that the boy could handle the fasionista, Spencer settled a hand lightly on Ashley's shoulder only to have her jump several inches in the air, which from a seated position was quite the feat.

Based on the way the blonde had been teasing Kyla, the brunette assumed she would laugh at her or something, so she wasn't really prepared for the concern in those deep blue eyes that caused an intense pulling sensation at the bottom of her chest.

Spencer crouched down closer to Ashley without alerting the other two in the room to what was going on, "You okay, Ashley?" The response was a shrug followed by a cringe for the action on the TV. "Look, if it freaks you out we so don't have to watch it, I just put it on 'cause it messes with Kyla."

"No, I'm good," she responded around another wince.

The blonde bit her bottom lip in hesitation, momentarily distracting the other girl, "If you're sure…?"

"Spencer, I'm fine, I promise," she reiterated, slightly put off but mostly touched by the concern of the athletic blonde.

"Okay, but I'm going to be sitting right there," she pointed to the floor at end of the couch closest to where Ashley now sat, "and it gets awfully lonely down there by myself, so you know, if you want to join me, that would be cool."

"Okay," she shrugged, resolutely watching the movie so the other girl wouldn't see her blush.

"Okay ," she nodded and took her place where she had indicated.

By the time the next killing took place, barely five minutes later, Spencer found a shaking brunette huddled by her side, simultaneously pulling the blonde's arm around her own shoulders and slipping the blanket over their laps. "I'm not scared," Ashley explained, "You said it was lonely and I thought that would suck, so I decided to sit next to you. So, you know, you wouldn't be alone."

The brunette was glad Spencer didn't turn to look at her, and figured it was done purposefully so as not to embarrass her further, but a smile did creep slowly across her face as she nodded and squeezed the other girl once, "I appreciate it."

From the corner of her eye she caught a matching smile on Ashley's face despite the gruesome scene on the TV and over her shoulder Kyla shot her a confused look from where she sat against the armrest and her knees bent over Aiden's lap. Spencer shook her head slightly, speaking silently in a way that her best friend always seemed to understand, that it was just friendly and nothing more.

She frowned in doubt as a response by Spencer had already turned her attention back to the movie, and she was distracted herself a moment later by Aiden's hand on her shin and a shy smile on his face. They spent the rest of the movie and the next, a romantic comedy that Kyla choose in revenge, in the same spots.

!

Floating up into the blissful state of semi-consciousness Ashley had a fleeting thought that she must have fallen asleep sometime during the movie but it was lost almost immediately in the deeper recesses of her sleep-heavy mind. She wondered what had pulled her from the warmth of sleep when she noticed a slight jostling of her own self and a bracing under her knees and shoulders. Instinctively she rolled into the solid strength of a person then curled into the decidedly female body.

There was a chuckling somewhere above her and a male voice asking, "You sure you have her?"

The husky tenor of a female voice, that tugged incessantly at a memory that would not permeate the warmth of her current position, answered as Ashley folded her hands against the other girl's chest, "Yeah, man, she's really light. You got Ky?"

There was a hum to the positive and something else said but Ashley felt herself being moved away from the noise and moments later settled onto a soft surface. She felt herself relax and lulled further into sleep by familiar fingers threading through her hair and just as she felt herself slip over the edge, a voice straight from half-remembered dreams whispered, "I told you you'd end up okay, didn't I?"

!

When Ashley woke up it was several hours later and she was in the bed of an strange room, alone, and with no idea of how she'd gotten there. It took her a second to reconcile it with the guest room in Kyla's house on the other side of the country, where she had stashed her stuff the previous day. The ticking face of the wall clock told her it was just past seven in the morning and for a second she felt surprised, it was rare that she slept that well at home and never at an unfamiliar location. The sticking sensation under her eyelids informed her that she'd slept in her contacts, so she quickly fixed that and sat back down on the bed.

She considered trying for a few more hours of sleep, knowing that Aiden would be dead to the world until at least 10 and, if the past two months worth of weekends were any indication, so would Kyla, but decided that whatever tiredness she felt could be dissolved by coffee and so she made her way quietly out of the room and down the stairs.

Down the hall and to the right was the living room where they had watched movies and where Aiden was currently sprawled out on the couch, snoring lightly into a pillow. She shook her head with a small grin and turned to walk into the kitchen only to stop short in the doorway by the sight in front of her.

Her half-sister's best friend was there, obviously awake, with a water bottle in one hand and headphones on dancing around the space like a maniac. The brunette crossed her arms and leant one shoulder against the wall as she analyzed the situation.

Spencer was just back from a run, evident by her tennis shoes, shorts and sweat dampened tank top, completely oblivious to the audience she now had. Her long tanned legs and carefree demeanor had Ashley mesmerized as she continued on with her eyes closed and body bouncing along with whatever song she was listening to. There was no doubt about it in Ashley's mind: this girl was gorgeous.

And a complete spaz.

"Oh!" Spencer stopped her movements abruptly as she finally tuned in to the brunette's presence. She cringed, realizing how loud she might have been, and tore the buds from her ears. "Oh," she repeated softer. There was a pause as she worked her mouth around whatever she was trying to say, then a self-deprecating grin as she explained, "I'm so not used to people being up at this hour in this house." Her voice sounded steady and unruffled, but Ashley could see her embarrassment in the rapidly spreading blush across her cheeks.

There was a moment where the California native considered teasing the other girl but she remembered what she had done for Ashley last night during the horror movie and changed topics without so much as a hesitation, "I was just wondering down here for my morning caffeine fix."

"Yeah, there might be a problem then," she raised an arm to rub at the back of her head, "Mama Woods only drinks tea so I don't think there is any coffee in the house."

"That's … fantastic," Ashley sighed, feeling a withdrawal headache come on just from the knowledge that she'd have to wait.

"But, I mean," Spencer gestured with her hand causing droplets of water to fall from the water bottle, "I was going to grab a shower and head over to Starbucks myself. I could bring you back something, or you could come with, I mean, if you want."

She blinked at the offer, wondering if this girl was for real, like _actually that nice. But deeper thought was null as her mind was stuck on those blue eyes and the prospect of coffee in the near future. _

"_Okay."_

* * *

_No lie, I can repeat almost every line in Monty Python. And I do when I watch it. It drove my ex insane._


	10. Girlfriend Avril Lavigne

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: You know what sucks? Adult jobs, family drama, break ups and getting sick. In the order. You know what doesn't suck? WICKED and new tattoo concepts. Also in that order.

Now, enough about me and on to the reason you all are here.

* * *

It didn't occur to Ashley to think about how they were going to get there until they were in the garage, but next to the tan SUV, which she assumed belonged to Eileen, was an older model Mustang that the blonde immediately gravitated to. At the brunette's confused look Spencer grinned and introduced her to Caroline, originally her Grandpa Quinlan's pride and joy and now her own.

The car had obviously been kept in excellent condition as interior was completely refurbished, including up-to-date dash and brand new radio faceplate. As soon as the key was turned Blink-182's _What's My Age Again?_ began pouring through the speakers, halfway through, and Ashley leant back and let the music wash over her.

When they pulled into the parking lot of a Starbucks fifteen minutes later Ashley was only momentarily surprised, but all sorts of pleased, when Spencer parked and exited the vehicle with a wave for Ashley to do the same, rather than go through to drive thru. The blonde even held the door open for her with a slight grin that matched the one on Ashley's face.

"Hey Spinner!" a tall boy with sandy blonde hair shouted from behind the counter where he was working a shiny machine. "I thought I recognized that old scrap yard heap of yours," he offered with a wink and a grin.

The girl working the register, a tiny brunette that looked younger than both the guy and Spencer, slapped him lightly on the arm with the back of her hand, "Don't make fun of Caroline, David, she's a classic."

The two girls approached the counter and Spencer leaned forward to rest folded arms in front of the register, "See, Davie, this is why I like her way more than you." At the boy's scoff, Spencer turned a flirtatious smile onto the girl, "Hey there, Michelle, how are you on this fine Saturday morning?"

She was rewarded with a bright blush across the girl's cheeks and atop her ears. "I-I'm good, Sp-Spinner. The u-usual?" she stammered out, already fumbling for a large cup.

"You know it," Spencer threw her a wink that nearly caused her to drop the sharpie in her hand and David to bark out a laugh on the other side of the space, "and whatever my new friend Ashley here would like." Ashley, who had been waiting patiently with a smirk on her lips put her order in before the blonde paid.

As they waited at the end of the counter the brunette musician nudged Spencer playfully, "Are you this popular at every coffee shop in Maryland? Or did you bring me to this one specifically to impress me?"

Spencer's eyes lit up in a way that was a bit of a distraction as she slipped her hands into her front pockets, tugged her shoulders up and gently bumped Ashley back, "Depends on whether or not it's working."

She felt her cheeks heat up but was saved from having to respond by Michelle presenting them with their drinks and a "have a nice day" for Ashley and a "good luck at the game" for Spencer.

The blonde made her way to a table on the floor and gestured for Ashley to take a seat before sitting herself, so her back was to the counter and the door. Before taking a sip of the still too-hot coffee Spencer leant forward and confessed, "I work here."

"That explains that, but now I'm more curious about 'Spinner'," Ashley whispered conspiratorially, leaning forward to match the blonde pose and was rewarded by a light blush.

"Uh," Spencer flipped her free hand back and forth, "it's nothing important, just an old nick-name that seems to follow me everywhere."

"Oh," the brunette pouted and watched the way it drew Spencer's attention to her lips, "Well that's disappointing, I was hoping for an embarrassing story to go along with it."

The athlete blinked distractedly before meeting Ashley's eyes and offering a mock pity frown, "You might want to get used to that disappointment then."

"Maybe," she took a careful sip of her coffee and waited for the blonde to do the same, "or maybe I just need to ask Kyla about it."

Her cheeks flared brilliantly and Ashley felt the thrill of victory strum through her stomach. Spencer laughed fitfully around an awkward swallow, "Now why would you want to go and do something like that?"

The brunette answered with a coy look that had Spencer cracking a smile before they both gave way to laughter. Ashley, from where she was seated facing the door, was momentarily distracted by a very pretty girl with unnaturally dark hair walking through the entrance. She looked like the type of girl that Ashley would chat up at a club back home, but as soon as the thought was there it was gone. The California native had no desire to stray from the company she held at this exact moment.

From her peripheral Ashley saw her walk to the counter with a strut that proclaimed she _knew _she was hot shit. From behind the register, Michelle almost visibly shrunk back and turned a smile so fake it made Ashley wince and wonder what had happened to make the girl who had greeted Spencer so enthusiastically act like that.

Noticing Ashley strayed attention, her blonde companion turned to find out what she was looking at and immediately turned back with a muttered, "well fuck."

The brunette felt her eyebrows draw into a confused look. "I take it you know her?" she asked, using a hand to motion at the girl by the counter.

"Oh, you could say that," Spencer slumped in her seat, reminding Ashley of the day before in the back of Kyla's Jeep. "I'm just going to apologize now."

"For what?" she looked back at the girl who must have felt someone's eyes on her person and looked up to catch Ashley's gaze in her own bright green eyes. The girl twitched her lips into a smirk and gave the brunette an appreciative once over that two days ago would have been a total green light but today was just mildly disconcerting. She then glanced at Ashley's table mate, or rather the back of her head, and based on the way her eyes narrowed to focused points and turned a look back onto Ashley that could have frozen magma, the girl recognized Spencer as well.

The Californian hadn't known that the _click-click-click_ of heels on tile could sound furious until that moment, but her blonde companion must have learned that lesson a while back because her shoulders instantly tensed and her hands tightened around her cup. Just before the girl reached their table Spencer visibly forced herself to looked relaxed and nonchalant.

"Hello sweetheart," the newcomer all but purred in a deceptively sweet voice, like honey in tea, as she slid a hand over Spencer's shoulder.

The blonde twisted her neck to face the girl with a placating look, "Now, Jules-"

But she was soundly ignored as the dark-haired girl turned that piercing look onto Ashley. "And hello to you as well, strange girl whom I've never seen before in my life having coffee with my girlfriend."

Ashley jerked back a bit in surprise and looked to Spencer for confirmation that this was actually happening, this girl was actually getting in her face. In response the blonde offered a half-hearted smile and rolled her baby blues behind the newcomer's back. She tried once more to interject, "Juliet, please, just let me-"

Try being the operative word as 'Juliet' now rounded on her, "Just let you what, Spencer Carlin? Explain? Explain how we are in the middle of a fight because you completely blew me off yesterday for that, that," she paused and realized her mistake of almost insulting Kyla in front of Spencer before moving on with her rant. "And now I find you here? In the morning having coffee with some hussie?"

This time it was Ashley that had the blonde snapping her jaw shut as she suddenly felt she'd been quite for far too long, "Excuse me? Who do you think you're calling a hussie, Miss Priss? And who the hell uses the word hussie any more?"

That brought her attention back onto the brunette as she whirled around and leant forward with a smirk, "Why don't you stay out of this, _hun,_ while I have a conversation with _my girlfriend_."

Ashley would have stood to match her height and force her to back off, but the sight of Spencer propping her elbows on the table and dropping her head into open palms, obviously embarrassed by the display, had her thinking twice about making this physical.

That by no means meant she was going to back down.

She let her voice take on a condescending tone, "I have a better idea. Why don't I stay in here with your girlfriend while you go outside and remove that stick from your ass?"

"Ashley-" Spencer started, torn between being amused and exasperated.

The green-eyed girl was having no such dilemma, however, "Bring it on, bitch."

"Okay," the blonde athlete finally hit her tolerance level and pushed herself into a standing position. She gently grabbed Juliet's shoulders and pulled her back out of Ashley's personal space and into her own. While Spencer slipped her hands down to rest on the girl's upper arms with just enough pressure to say she wasn't playing anymore, Ashley took the moment to notice that she had some height on Juliet as the top of her head was just on level with the blonde's nose. "Why don't I clear the air a bit before I end up having to take one of you to the hospital. Ashley, this is Juliet Callister, my ill-tempered girlfriend who tends to jump to conclusions. And Jules, this is Ashley Davies. She's Kyla's … friend, from California, who's only in town for the weekend."

The hesitation was only noticed by the brunette as Juliet forged ahead.

"Of course you'd be a friend of Kyla Woods," a sneer marred her face before she could sensor herself, apparently forgetting that she was dating said girl's _best _friend. "Well, there is no accounting for some people's taste I suppose."

A protective feeling like she'd never felt before suddenly roared inside Ashley's chest, and was only spurred on by the hurt look on Spencer's face. She realized, however, that she'd dealt with girls like this before and getting loud and in this girl's face was not going to work, so there would have to be another way.

"Actually, Kyla's my sister, so I'd appreciate it if you would watch what you say about her," she expounded in a forced calm voice as she crossed her legs at the knees, folded her hands and sat back like a civilized person.

The look of shock on Juliet's face was only a fraction of the reason for the euphoric feeling of victory, as the rest definitely came from the absolute pride on Spencer's.

"Sister?" she questioned, turning as the blonde dropped her arms from the loose hold to look up at her for confirmation.

"Half, through their father," she intoned lowly. But then something changed in her eyes, the shine went out and they hardened perceivably, "And dammit, Juliet, you promised me."

Her voice was neither raised nor harsh, in fact her tone was only sad, so it was probably the deadened quality of those normally vibrant blue eyes that had the smaller girl flinching, "Spencer…" The look they gave one another implied silent conversation and Ashley instantly felt like the intruder. Finally Juliet dropped her shoulders and after a slight hesitation she slipped forward to hug the blonde around the middle, "You're right."

The still sitting brunette wasn't sure why she was so surprised (and a little hurt) to see Spencer lift her own arms to hug Juliet back. After a beat the dark-haired girl leant back but kept her thumbs hooked through the belt loops at the back of Spencer's jeans. "Come see me before the game so I can wish you good luck?" she requested in what Ashley was almost positive was supposed to be a demure voice.

"Of course," the blonde lifted the corner of her lips and tilted her head slightly to the left. If Juliet could see the way none of it touched those blue eyes she gave no indication, but it had Ashley wondering how many times they'd done this little song and dance.

There was another moment of hesitance and a quick mental conversation before Juliet rocked up on her toes to press a quick kiss to the corner of Spencer's mouth, "I'll see you later."

The blonde nodded once and her girlfriend turned to face Ashley, but paused when they caught each others eye. The brunette didn't know what Juliet saw, but based on her frown and quick glance at Spencer and back, she didn't like it one bit.

She then turned on her heel, plucked two cups of coffee from a frazzled looking Michelle, offered a haughty look towards a hovering David and walked out the door without so much as backwards glance. With a heavy sigh like steam from a release valve Spencer slumped back into her seat and took a sip from her still mostly warm coffee.

Ashley blinked at the change that had come over her host and tried to think of something to say that would bring some light back into her eyes, but all she could think of was '_how the hell did that bitch end up with Spencer_?'

Spencer barked out a laugh and Ashley feared for a moment that she'd spoken out loud before the blonde shook her head with a smile, "Did you know you and Ky have the exact same look when you're trying to think of something nice to say but can't get your minds past 'what the fuck just happened?'?"

The brunette shook her head and floundered for a minute before she was sure her voice wouldn't come out incredulous, "So that's your girlfriend, huh?" Spencer nodded and tilted her head as a means of permission for Ashley to speak her mind. She wanted to say something nice, there _had _to be something nice to say, right? If the blonde had chosen her out of god-knows how many people (and Ashley got the feeling there had to be at least dozens, 'cause, come on, Spencer was sweet and funny and _hot) _then there had to be something.

But, bam!, nothing came to mind, "She's uhh…"

"You can just say she's a bitch," Spencer laughed with an eye roll and Ashley got the feeling that it was more at her expression that the subject matter, but at least she was laughing, "Kyla does it all the time."

"Wait. What?" Something about that didn't make sense. "Kyla doesn't like your girlfriend?"

"Uh, no," she shook her head with a fitful smile, "didn't you hear her yesterday?" She paused as realization set in, "you thought she was kidding." Then she shrugged, "I admit it's a little over the top to call someone an arch-nemesis, but in their case it's really not that far off. They can't stand each other. At first it was kind of funny, now it's just tiresome."

"So then why date her?" It was only after the question was out in the open that Ashley realized how rude it was. Fortunately it was Spencer, who never seemed to be offended by anything, that she was talking to.

"It was different when we started out," she looked down and played with her cup. "Jules needed someone to be there for her, and Kyla saw that I could be that person so she tolerated it. And Jules realized that if Ky ever gave the word that she didn't like the way Jules was acting that I'd call it off so she toned it down a lot, but with the stress of things and Kyla going to and from Cali things have sort of flared back up lately."

"Oh." And there was really nothing else to say. The mood from earlier had been officially ruined and Ashley fought the urge to pout. That had totally not gone the way she had hoped it would.

* * *

Probably didn't go the way you all were hoping it would either. Ah well, what's life without a little drama, right?


	11. Situations

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

This feels rushed to me. I'm sorry if it feels that way to you as well.

* * *

With the mood effectively ruined it didn't take long for Spencer to indicate it was time to be going. They stopped by the counter once more to say bye to David and Michelle and to grab a coffee for Kyla, and Aiden after Ashley admitted that it probably would be the nice thing to do.

The atmosphere in the car was no better despite the music and Ashley, who was known to have quite the silver tongue back home, suddenly fond herself grasping at straws on how to make it fun again. It wasn't even for herself this time, not entirely anyways. She just wanted Spencer to be okay again, wanted her to be happy and light and she wanted to see her smile, but all she could think of was bits of some stupid pick up line a guy had tried on her months ago. What had it been? Something about being a dentist and a great smile?

It took an insistent honk from the car behind them for Ashley to realize they were stopped at a green light as Spencer was too busy watching the brunette with intense amusement mixed with confusion shining in her eyes, "Are you- are you whispering pick-up lines to yourself?"

"What?" And to her horror, Ashley realized that she _had _been whispering and it _had _been just audible enough. Caught in the act she could only resort to her father's attorney's fist line of defense 'deny, deny, deny'. "Um, no."

_Smooth, Davies, really smooth._

The blonde's eyes were back on the road as she eased her way along but the smirk remained, "Um, I think you were."

"I think not," she responded petulantly, face heating up as she looked away resolutely.

"I think so," Spencer mocked back.

For a moment there, Ashley felt herself getting seriously upset. She did not like to be mocked, least of all by people she didn't really know and she opened her mouth to let the other girl know how much she did not like it when she caught her eyes. Behind the amusement was the light that the musician had been shooting for and when she caught sight of the look on Ashley's face Spencer's eyes flashed uncertainty, but through every layer there was only kindness, not malice.

Spencer wasn't making fun, she was having fun. Just bantering with Ashley.

The anger deflated leaving her feeling a little light-headed as she realized she didn't mind being the butt of a joke, so long as Spencer was the one laughing. Light-headed, indeed.

"I think hearing voices is the first sign that you're going crazy," she replied instead, then stuck out her tongue to take the sting out of her words and posture.

The blonde waved her hand in a tilting motion, "It's like the third or fourth, but really, who keeps track?"

Ashley chuckled which earned her a smile from Spencer that lit up for eyes even as they were pointed straight forward. And just like that the lines were open and Ashley began to feel comfortable again.

!

Spencer kept her car parked in the driveway and locked the car door with the key as she continued the conversation that she was having with Ashley. They had gone into a discussion about pick-up lines which had led to stories about clubs and hangouts which had Ashley complaining about all the effort that a girl had to go through to look good causing Spencer to scoff and Ashley to ask for an explanation.

All this lead to the blonde shrugging as spun her keys around her finger and stated in a matter of fact tone, "I'm just saying that I can't imagine that it takes much effort for you to look good. Face it, Ash, you're just naturally beautiful," she paused at the look on Ashley's face and wagged a finger in her directions, "And don't act like you don't hear it a hundred times a day."

But it was like someone had hit pause for Ashley. Beautiful? Sure, she had heard all sorts of compliments. Hot and sexy and the like and they had all felt good to hear, but she had not know the way _beautiful _would feel when spoken with such open frankness.

All the sudden it was too much, too soon and much too fast. She panicked and immediately reverted back to a comfortable position she'd been sharing with the blonde for past day and a half. She made it a joke. "Oh my God!" she reached to lightly push Spencer's shoulder in a teasing manner when she passed the blonde in the doorway, "You're such a player!"

The athlete's confused look didn't last long, you weren't Kyla Woods best friend for twelve years and Juliet Callister's girlfriend without being able to realize when someone was trying to hide something behind a fake smile.

"Please," she rolled her eyes and played along, "You expect me to keep this pure awesomeness to _myself_? That would just be selfish, Ashley."

Ashley's resulting laughter echoed down the hall as they approached the kitchen where Eileen was standing at the stove, Aiden was seated at the kitchen table with his head resting against folded arms and Kyla was pacing in the open space. Immediately Kyla's eyes snapped up, "Where have you been? Mom has been worried sick."

Eileen waved a hand without turning from the what was on the stove, "I wasn't worried."

Kyla leveled a flat look at her mother's back while Spencer glanced at Ashley, but the other girl was also confused by the smaller brunette's ire so she shrugged. The blonde handed her best friend the cup in her hand as an explanation rather than verbally respond.

Kyla looked down at it like she didn't recognize what it was for a second. At the table Aiden also watched the logoed cup with a longing look which made the way his face lit up like a five year old at Christmas time when Ashley set his own cup in front of him that much better. "You remembered me!" he all but squeaked before taking a long pull from the lid.

"Not likely," Ashley rolled her eyes to hide her fond look and shrugged one shoulder before throwing a wink over her shoulder at Spencer, "You have Spinner over there to thank for that."

The blonde responded by pinching her face and sticking out her tongue, which earned a similar look from the brunette before they both started laughing. Kyla felt the corners of her lips turn down as a confused furrow appeared between her eyebrows.

"Spence," she started out hesitantly, drawing the attention of the other two teenage girls, "you think you could help me figure out what I'm going to wear for the game?"

Spencer tilted her head to one side and had that silent conversation thing with her best friend that had Ashley wondering if the girl was actually telepathic and no one had bothered to mention it to her. After a beat, the blonde offered a hint of a smile, "Sure thing, baby girl."

The wondered out of the kitchen together as Eileen called out, "Breakfast in twenty!"

!

Kyla entered her room first, making a beeline for her closet while Spencer opted to lean against the now closed door, shoulders hunched and hands in her pockets.

"I was think about school colors, but-"

"Kyla," Spencer sighed.

"- I don't think I kept anything with the school's actual logo one it, maybe-"

"Kyla," she stated in a firmer voice that stopped the fashionista mid-sentence. She rolled her shoulders and looked off to one side, "just say it."

Her best friend, the one person in the world who knew her inside and out, finally stilled by the closet and turned slowly until they were facing one another. "Spencer, it's not," she winced when blue eyes found her own brown ones, "This thing, whatever it is or whatever it might become, with Ashley," she stood up straighter to show she was being serious, "I need you to put a stop to it now."

* * *

Dun dun dunn

Oh noes! But good things coming soon (ish).

On another note, much love to everyone who reviews. Seriously it makes me feel tons better to know people actually like this. I'd do shout outs but I just know I'd forget someone and then feel absolutely terrible about it so to save myself the heartache I'll just offer one big THANK YOU! And if there is something specific you want address PM me and I'll see what I can do. M'kay?


	12. Still On Your Side

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: chapter is down there, so you can skip this, unless you'd like to read my apology/rant.

Since the last time I updated, I have had to deal with an unhealthy amount of OT at my job, being sick to the point of severe exhaustion, and being DD to my idiot, drunken friends and their confessions about feelings that, honestly?, I could die contently never having known. Not that I don't like most of my friends, but I really don't need crying chicks in the backseat of my car. So after many moons of being in a generally bad mood my bestie (bless his bald little head) comes over and gives me a long speech that can be summed up thusly: get over it. I'm ordering pizza. We're watching Sin City.

I did (mostly), he did (I paid and it was delicious), and we did (it was glorious).

Sorry this took so long and for…

* * *

"_Kyla," she stated in a firmer voice that stopped the fashionista mid-sentence. She rolled her shoulders and looked off to one side, "just say it."_

_Her best friend, the one person in the world who knew her inside and out, finally stilled by the closet and turned slowly until they were facing one another. "Spencer, it's not," she winced when blue eyes found her own brown ones, "This thing, whatever it is or whatever it might become, with Ashley," she stood up straighter to show she was being serious, "I need you to put a stop to it now."_

Spencer felt her upper body jerk in surprise as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "Kyla, what are you talking about?"

Kyla wavered for a second, but she steeled her back and crossed her arms, "Don't try and make me think that I'm seeing things or making it more than it is. Please, Spence, I need us to be on the same page for this one."

"We're not even reading the same book, Ky," the blonde shook her head, "I'm just bein' friendly here."

The look the brunette offered her was tinged with sadness, "I think sometimes you forget how well I know you."

They stared at one another for a moment, gauging the situation before getting into the heavy stuff, hoping for a way to avoid the conversation. But Spencer's genuinely confused and slightly hurt look told the brunette more than what she was saying, "You've never asked me to back off before, not even for Jules and I know you thought that was a bad idea from the very beginning."

Kyla shrugged her shoulders somewhat distractedly. "This is different, Spence. Ash is, she's my," she cut her eyes from her best friend, "She's my sister. She's been through a lot, I just don't want her to get hurt."

"By me?" the blonde's question was stilted, like the words felt foreign in her mouth. "You think I'd hurt her? Ky, I know she's your sister, I know she's important, I wouldn't-"

"Not on purpose," Kyla said overtop the athlete's words, eager to stop the crushed statements, "but I know how this would go, Spencer, and so do you."

Between the two of them Kyla had never been much of a planner. She was very much a go with the flow kind of girl, who wore her heart on her sleeve and took what was offered at face value. She liked to be involved in the thick of things and was often more than willing to take both control and center stage. Spencer, on the other hand, had been tempered by early tragedy into being more cautious, preferring to work from the background where she could see the whole picture. It was her tendency to look at a situation from multiple angles and points of view. It was her tendency to try and see how everyone was involved that made her so hard to offend.

It was something of a testament to how important this was to Kyla that she'd put serious thought into how the situation would play out before the blonde did. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Ashley's been through some shit, Spence, and you know you're oddly drawn to people with some sort of damage." Spencer opened her mouth as if she was going to refute the fact, but one of Kyla's 'serious' looks, complete with one raised eyebrow and a forced downward turn of her normally smiling lips, had the blonde clamping her jaw shut.

"You step in and try to fix everything, always with the best intentions!" she rushed to add before Spencer could try and interrupt again, "but you use it as a excuse not to deal with your own problems, then things build up, they lean too heavily on you, and when you collapse underneath it all, people are going to get hurt. I just… don't want Ashley caught up in that fallout." She finished without being able to face her best friend, instead choosing to frown thoughtfully at the lamp on her bedside table.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Spencer's blonde eyebrows draw down in thought and her arms drop as if the weight of crossing them was suddenly too much. Her eyes flickered unseeingly as the thoughts raced behind them, taking in everything that had been said and unsaid. Finally she murmured lowly, "When?"

"What?" Kyla leant towards her without taking a step, face open in a question.

"You said when," Spencer gazed turned down, and then held one hand in the other, fiddling with a ring on her left thumb. It was a sign of insecurity that Kyla had never seen used around herself. "You said _when _I collapse, not if, which- makes it an inevitability not a possibility. You, um," she swallowed hard and looked up to stare Kyla in the eye, "You don't think I'm better, do you?"

She felt the breath catch in her throat at the sight before her. Almost as a rule, they never talk about it directly. It was all tied together and packaged neatly in the past, where both were content to keep it.

Or, if not content, both adequately frightened of what opening that can of worms might mean.

But the question was posed in open honesty, by _Spencer_, so the thought of lying never even crossed her mind.

"No," they both winced simultaneously, "No, I don't."

!

After downing his coffee in record time, Aiden announced his retreat to take a quick shower before breakfast would be ready, leaving Ashley alone in the kitchen with the ex-lover of her father.

Awkward.

The brunette watched the older woman flit around the kitchen, humming to an oldies station, with an energy that her daughter had definitely inherited. They were so much alike that Ashley felt an quick stab of fear that people might think the same thing about herself and Christine, but the thought was gone when she remembered how many times she'd been told that she was her father's daughter through and through.

Still. Was that really any better?

She idolized her dad, but he had so many faults (ones she'd discovered on her own and ones her mother told her about around a sneer and a glass of wine) that the man couldn't be mistaken for anything more than just another person in the world.

Not for the first time that weekend, Ashley wondered how she would have turned out if she'd had a mom like Eileen. A mom that watched movies with you on a Friday nights and made breakfast on Saturday mornings. One that picked you up from the airport and knew what was going on in your life, what was going on in the lives of your friends

There was a clatter as a plate was slid in front of the seat Ashley had taken, startled she looked up to Eileen's smiling face, "Last one to abandon me gets the first plate. I hope you like pancakes. Or I can make you some eggs if you would prefer?"

Her smile was genuine, Ashley could tell that right off the bat, but a little strained around her eyes like she was unsure of how to proceed. But she was _trying _and the effort she was making had Ashley feeling, without really wanting to, somewhat endeared to her.

"Pancakes are fine," she replied with her own strained smile, "Uh, thanks, Ms. Woods."

The woman hummed in response while the tension loosened a bit around her eyes. Ashley was just beginning to wonder when the last time she even saw her mother in the kitchen was when a glass of juice was set down next to the plate, "You look like you're thinking hard about something. Everything okay, sweetie?"

There was a twitch of the older woman's eyebrows, perhaps the only show of her panic at maybe overstepping her bounds, that just made Ashley like her more. Completely against her will.

But her thoughts were her own, so she let her gaze drift over Eileen's shoulder to the fridge where several pictures were proudly displayed under magnets. One caught her eye, a little Kyla and Spencer grinned out of the glossy cover with matching ice cream smeared smiles. "They're are really close, aren't they?"

Eileen turned to see what picture had prompted the question and let a soft smile turn her lips, "Like twin peas in a pod, those two." She laughed brightly, "From the very first day they just clicked. Kyla finally had someone to go along with all her mad, little schemes and Spencer," her face darkened slightly in memory, "Well, she had someone who didn't act like she was a toy too broken to be played with."

Her eyes took on a shiny quality as her smile turned slightly nostalgic and Ashley was a little lost, trying to picture Kyla and Spencer as children. Kyla being just enough of an outcast as a child with no father to speak of and too much imagination and energy to get along with other children, and Spencer, a kid that was tampered by tragedy and sudden emergence into a place without the people she knew best, but a kid nonetheless.

The kettle on the stove whistled which pulled them both from their thoughts and Eileen back to that side of the kitchen with a suddenly all too sad smile. Ashley wasn't sure why she felt responsible for the change in the woman but she desperately wanted to ease the tension that had built up at the topic, as much for her own benefit as anyone else's.

"I've never seen Kyla ask for help with an outfit before, so I guess that must be true." She felt herself grin before she could control it at the laughter that seem ripped from Eileen.

"Oh honey," the woman poured hot water into a cup and dunked a teabag into it before returning to the table and sitting opposite Ashley, "Spencer was cursed with a body that looks good in anything, and if she could get away with it, she'd wear jeans, flip-flops and a tank top every day for the rest of her life. Kyla, on the other hand, might actually burst out in tears if she was forced to wear an outfit she hadn't planned at least three days in advance."

The younger brunette's look prompted another laugh, "Sweetheart, that whole ordeal wasn't about an outfit," she reached a comforting hand out and placed it on the girl's wrist, "that was about you."

!

The smaller girl watched her friend's eyes begin to dull as she withdrew into herself. It was a defense mechanism that the blonde had used for years, a way to isolate herself from every bad thing that threatened her by simply shutting herself off. Kyla had only had it directed at herself once before and that had been followed by the worst two months of her life.

"Oh no!" she shouted as she all but lunged from her spot to grab at Spencer's shoulders and draw her physically back into the world, "You don't get to do that to me, you don't get to run away like that. Dammit, Spencer, I _need _you right now!"

"Why?" rather than respond by matching Kyla tone and aggression she just let her shoulders fall, "Ky, what could you possibly need me for? You don't even think a whole person anymore."

She sounded so broken that Kyla wanted to cry, this was not the way she had planned on this conversation going, but then reading and predicting people had always Spencer's thing. "That's not true and you know it," she slipped her hands down to hold onto the blonde's. "Listen to me, okay? I need you. I need you because you're my best friend. You're the sister that I _chose_, okay? You're my Spencer and I need you to be okay. That isn't going to happen if you keep ignoring your own problems to take care of other people. So, _please_, just- just be on my side for this."

Spencer swallowed hard and stared down at the way Kyla's fingers curled around her wrists, thumbs unconsciously moving along her forearms and over thin white lines that had faded to the point where you could only see them if you were looking for them, if you knew they were there. She did that a lot, the blonde knew, ever since she'd discovered them.

For a second the blonde wondered if that was all her best friend saw when she looked at her.

But she pushed it aside, like she always did, and forced herself to see things from Kyla's eyes. For all the brunette's insights into Spencer, the blonde knew the other girl just as well, perhaps better, so she knew no matter what was being said, there was so much more held inside.

This was about Ashley, Kyla's _sister_, their relationship and how things needed to play out. No matter what Spencer knew about either girl, knew what to do or say or how to act, it shouldn't be her doing it. It was going to be hard though. There were precious few people in the world that Spencer didn't have to think around, people that she just reacted to on instinct. But it was what it was, and in a few days time Kyla and Ashley would be back on the West Coast, were they would (hopefully) have one another (and Aiden, she supposed) and Spencer, well, Spencer would be wherever the courts decided to stick her until her eighteenth birthday.

"I get it," she said finally, "I really do. And you know I'll always be on your side, baby girl."

"Promise?" she let go of Spencer's wrists only to raise her right hand with pinkie extended.

The blonde shrugged one shoulder and rolled her eyes around the tense moment, "Section 18, subset C of the friendship agreement says I can't do anything with her anyways, being a sibling and whatnot." But she twined her pinkie with Kyla's anyway, "Although to be fair we should have added a hot, gay, half-sibling clause but, eh, what can you do?"

Kyla threw her arms around the taller girl's neck with a half-laugh/half-sob, sure that she wouldn't stumble and let them fall. "Thank God," she emphasized, "I hate it when we fight."

"Fight?" she squeezed the brunette once before letting go and stepping back, "That wasn't a fight, if it was some random third party person would be bleeding."

"That's true," the girl laughed as she wiped at the moisture gathering in the corner of her eye, "I'm going to get ready, meet you downstairs for breakfast?"

"Actually," Spencer rubbed the back of her neck and gestured to the door with the other hand, "I remembered coach wanted me at the field early, being the captain and all, so I'm going to take off. But I'll see you at the game?"

"Of course," Kyla smiled softly, glad to be back on even footing and familiar ground.

The blonde responded with a half smirk and moved to the door, stopping before she could grasp the knob. She hesitated before curling the floating hand into a fist and rapped her knuckles against the wood twice. "You're wrong though, about me." She kept her back to Kyla, so the brunette wasn't able to see the look on her face, but it was obvious enough in her voice, "I am better, Kyla."

The pressure from the fist caused the lines are her forearm to jump out at her, emphasized by her memories of them, "I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect, but I'm not broken, not completely. Just a little cracked around the edges."

Kyla shuddered through a breath and tucked her hands under her chin to stop them from shaking, thinking about everything her mother had told her, consoled her through about this, "I know, Spence, but..."

"I know, people don't just _get over _it," she grabbed the handle and pulled the door open in one smooth motion, "_I_ just need for _you _to know you're wrong about me, about this."

"I really," but the blonde was already gone, "really hope so."

* * *

Um, yeah, that bad mood I mentioned? Might not be completely over it. But before people get concerned, this was a part of the story (in my head) from day one, so…

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! They were a major combatant for the black cloud over my head.


	13. Constant Static

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

Honestly? I have no excuse. I started this right after I posted the last chapter, and finished the last three pages in the last twelve hours, and I just wanted to post _something_ so I didn't reread it. Honestly I've stared at it so much for so long, I don't think I'd notice the glaring errors if they were wielding neon signs and yodeling, but I'm sleepy so here:

Spencer jumped the last three stairs, seized the banister to aid in the spin, and ended up facing down the hall towards the front door. She grabbed her keys from the small table in the hall and was four steps from her escape when the sounds from the kitchen caught up with her.

Eileen's bright laugher was a near constant and always welcome noise, but Spencer had heard the shower earlier and knew that it was very likely that the older woman was alone in the kitchen with Ashley. Having spent more than half her life in the company of the Woods family, the blonde knew that both women, Kyla and her mom, were insanely friendly, naturally energetic, and could sometimes be (for someone new to their environment) entirely too much. Spencer had years of experience as an automatic filter between Kyla and other people so she knew that going into the kitchen would probably put Ashley more at ease, just by putting another person in the room with her and Eileen.

She hesitated, however, as her most recent conversation filtered through her innate desire to try and take some of the pressure off the brunette and just be around her. Between Spencer and Kyla there had always been as much unsaid as there was said, and no matter the smaller girl's reasoning, Kyla had made her position on the matter abundantly clear. Mind made up, she took another step to the door.

"You better not be sneaking out without eating something, or saying good-bye."

Spencer's shoulders immediately tensed at the stern voice and the face she knew without looking would accompany it. She knew she had hesitated just a second too long before leaving as Eileen was now standing in the hall by the doorway into the kitchen, one hand on her hip and the other shaking a spatula at Spencer's slowly turning body.

"I was, uh, making sure … all my stuff was ready?" but her lilt at the end of her statement made it sound like more of a question. A ridiculous one at that, based on the look she was receiving. They both knew Eileen had made her check last night when she set it by the door, before the mom had checked it herself. The older woman's crossed arms and raised eyebrow told her to try again. "And I did eat," the blonde replied sheepishly, forcing herself not to fidget, "before my run and, _and _I had coffee."

"A granola bar and _coffee _do not count as breakfast, young lady, now march your little rear end in here," she gestured haphazardly into the kitchen with the spatula.

Ashley's head poked through the opening looking much more than slightly amused and Spencer floundered around a blush of embarrassment. Desperately she gestured to the door, "But coach wanted me-"

"Oh yes, please, let's call Anne Marie and see want she has to say about her captain sneaking off to play a championship game on an empty stomach, I'll get my cell right now."

"I-" Ashley hid a snicker behind her hand, and Spencer glanced back at the empty stairwell. "I really should get going, Mama W."

Eileen's returning smirk was full of mock pity, "It's cute how you think that was a request."

Spencer pursed her lips and thought about it, knowing there really was no saying no to Eileen, besides Kyla was probably in full fashionista mode and wouldn't be ready for another half an hour and Aiden looked like a guy that could probably spend a while in front of a mirror, so it was like killing two birds with one stone. She dropped her shoulders in defeat, "alright, fine. You win, but," she punctuated it with a stern wag of her finger, "that's totally cheating."

Eileen snagged her around the shoulders with one arm as she passed by and pressed a kiss to the side of her head, "I'll take it."

The blonde stuck her tongue out at Ashley, who's form was still shaking lightly with repressed amusement, only to have the brunette repeat the gesture back playfully. Spencer stuttered her step like she wanted to retaliate but changed her mind, so she just dipped under Eileen's arm and grabbed an orange from the bowl on the table.

When Ashley retook her seat at the table to continue on her pancakes, Spencer bypassed the furniture to hop up the on the counter by the stove with a frown on her face, both brunette's marginally taken aback by her abrupt change in behavior. She kept her eyes cast downward as she dug her thumb into the skin of the fruit a bit harder than was probably necessary. The hunch of her shoulders had Eileen frowning so deeply, a look that seemed so inherently wrong, that Ashley felt compelled to look again. But before a comment could be made the woman twisted her look into a forced smile that could have passed for real. Lightly she stepped forward to Spencer and tagged the blonde with the flat end of the spatula.

"That's unsanitary," the athlete grimaced.

Eileen chose to ignore the comment as she gathered the peel from Spencer before tossing it into the trash, "Everything copacetic, shortstack?"

The blonde's jaw dropped and she looked genuinely offended. "What did you just-? Shortstack? Seriously? I've got, like, half an inch on you, so other than the Y gene upstairs I'm the tallest person in this house, _Little Mama_. Honestly, though, shortstack," she trailed off into a mutter, popping a slice of orange into her mouth. But the spark was back in her posture, which had Ashley thinking that was the point all along if the genuine smile on Eileen's face as they spoke was anything to go by.

!

Kyla entered the kitchen with a smile on her face, which didn't really reflect what she was feeling but she figured she only had to fake it for a couple more days before the pressure would ease dramatically. The smile faltered momentarily, however, when she took in the sight of the kitchen.

Aiden was seated at the table, a stack of pancakes half eaten in front of him talking animatedly with Spencer who was perched on the counter next to her mother at the stove. They appeared to be discussing sports, not surprising with Spencer's game that afternoon, but both wore the smiles of fast friends. Ashley stood on Eileen's other side while the woman poured more batter onto a sizzling griddle and spoke in tones that were easily overtaken by the athletes', but their smiles were also easy, if not a bit shy.

They all just seemed to fit.

Spencer looked at her first, as she always seemed to do, and that was all the warning Kyla got to adjust her smile before Aiden's eyes were on her as well, bright look only noticed in passing. Eye to eye, Spencer nodded once, smile turning forced and hopped off the counter, "Looks like its that time."

Eileen glanced at her first before turning to find her daughter in the doorway, "So soon, Spencer? Kyla only just joined us."

The blonde shrugged one shoulder but kept her gaze locked with Kyla, "I should have left a while ago, I just didn't realize the time 'til now."

The mom frowned at the charged look between her two favorite girls, which prompted Ashley to look a bit more closely, noticing a tension that hadn't been as prominent the day before. With a jerk of effort Spencer broke contact with her best friend and offered the two at the stove a quick smile, ruffled Aiden's perfectly gelled hair as she passed him at the table (he swatted at her hand with an indignant "_Hey!"_) and briefly pressed the flat of her palm against Kyla's shoulder, her smile now hidden from everyone but Kyla and sorely apologetic.

For a second the brunette felt horrible about earlier because no matter who was on the other end, this was Spencer. The only person other than her own mother that had always been by her side, done what she'd asked even when it was the last thing the blonde had wanted to do, and had fought for her when she hadn't deserved it.

Spencer hand slid from her shoulder as she walked by and Kyla suddenly didn't want the contact to end, didn't want to leave it like that. She grabbed at the blonde's wrist before it could fall to her side and turned as she tugged her back. As easily as she had for years Kyla threw her arms around Spencer neck and pressed her face into the hollow of her throat. Her heart nearly broke at the tension in Spencer's shoulders and the hesitance in her return embrace.

She'd never hesitated before. Not even when she first began dating Juliet who would pitch a bitchfit ever time they showed any sort of physical affection for one another.

"You, um, you kick ass out there today, okay?" she offered as a means to break the silence.

Spencer spoke softly against her hair, "You got it." She squeezed her once before letting go completely to walk out the doorway and down the hall without looking back.

Kyla watched her go, feeling a little bit light-headed and not in a good way. She forced a practiced smile onto her lips as she turned back to her mother who was watching with a neutral expression.

"Everything okay, sweetheart?"

"Of course," Kyla moved to take the seat next to Aiden, "Why wouldn't they be?"

Eileen blew out a breath that ruffled her bangs and realizing there was only one other person she'd hadn't asked that of that morning, wielded the spatula in Aiden's direction she asked, "What about you, boyo? How's tricks?"

Aiden looked up in surprise at the question and glanced at Kyla, who just rolled her eyes and told him to ignore her mother. By the stove Ashley laughed, knowing she was the only other one to get it.

!

After a moderately subdued breakfast, an hour of wasting time, and a forty-five minute drive to the stadium on the other side of the city, the youngest of the foursome all but threw herself from the backseat as her mother pulled her SUV into a parking space.

"Oh don't be so dramatic, Kyla," her mother huffed, frowning petulantly, "My driving games aren't that bad."

Aiden shrugged, stepping out at a much more leisure pace from the other side of the back, "I thought they were pretty cool, Ms. W."

Kyla scowled at him, "That's because you won, like, every round of I Spy."

"That's because he was the only one playing," Ashley sniggered, shutting the passenger side door as she jabbed the boy in the side.

"You're both just jealous of my mad car game skills," he pouted, crossing his arms.

Eileen laughed at the interaction before waving them all forward, "Come on, now, so we can get good seats."

As it turned out, however, that didn't seem to be a problem. The game was still being played at a high school stadium, just one that didn't belong to either team (to eliminate a home field advantage) and was nearly equidistant from both, so the area wasn't vast and as was the trend (unfortunately) with most female sports teams, the fan base was limited. The student section was decent though which Kyla explained was probably due to the fact that it was the only championship game the school had made it to that year, the second year in a row for girl's lacrosse, and they were playing the same team that had beat them last year.

After paying for tickets at the gate (which Aiden had offered to buy, but Eileen had beaten him to as he was going for his wallet) they were halfway to the stands when they noticed a group of five teenagers that included the petite form of Marissa and Juliet, Spencer's girlfriend. The others were made of two guys, one with dark hair and the other with light, and a dark-skinned girl, who had her arm around the waist of the dark haired boy. Marissa immediately brightened up and nearly bounced over to them before slipping a hug around Kyla, "Oh thank God."

The boy without the female hanger-on, tall with sandy blonde hair and slightly hunched shoulders, gave a low whistle as he looked Kyla up and down, "Damn, Woods, California looks good on you." Aiden scowled as Kyla blushed prettily while Ashley rolled her eyes and Eileen coughed, none to subtly, at the boy's blatant ogling of her daughter which caused him to turn his gaze on her, "And _Ms_. Woods, looking fabulous as always."

She pressed her lips and hummed in response when Kyla stepped from Marissa to give the boy a hug, "How are you, Scott?"

He squeezed her tight and over her shoulder smirked at Aiden's flared nose, "Devastated, you never texted me back yesterday."

She shrugged semi-apologetically, "Sorry, we were hanging out with Spenc-"

"We should go sit down, Scott, the match is about to start in a few," came the highly articulate, and increasingly annoyed, voice of Juliet over Scott's shoulder. Kyla ground her back teeth as she stepped back and looked over, expecting to find her nemesis' heated glare directed at her, but was nearly blown away to find it was aimed past her and at… Ashley? Who was glaring back just as fiercely.

Juliet offered a polite nod and smile to Eileen, baffling the three teens with the woman, before turning on her heel and heading in the opposite direction. The dark-skinned girl with Juliet watched the proceedings with an unimpressed stare, while the boy with her kept a neutral look, both nodded to Kyla carefully as she addressed them, "Angela, Donny," but followed the retreating girl almost immediately.

Scott bowed slightly at the waist while taking a backwards step, but his eyes lit up and her clapped his hands once enthusiastically, "There's a party at my place tonight! You all have to come, I'll even save a dance for you Ms. Woods."

Her smile was tight, "I think I'll pass, Mr. Duncan."

"Suit yourself," he shrugged it off easily, "But I totally expect the rest of you to be there, it's in Spencer's honor, so, you know, you should at least make a guest appearance." He didn't give them a chance to respond as he held a hand out to Marissa who was now standing behind Kyla and between Eileen and Ashley, "Coming, 'Rissy?"

There was a flash of annoyance at the nick-name, "I think I'm going to sit with Kyla, if that's alright."

He waved a hand at her in a 'whatever' motion, "Do what you gotta." But he was already turning into a jog to catch up with the other's as he threw an exaggerated wink over his shoulder at Kyla.

The young fashionista offered her arm to Marissa, who locked elbows with her and they both followed Eileen into the stands. Aiden distracted himself from the dark feeling of jealousy by lightly slapping Ashley on the shoulder with the back of his hand, "Oh my God."

She batted his offending limb before turning to punch him as hard as she could in the arm, "What?"

"How many scorned women are there in the world from your Friday Night Festivities that they're starting to pop up on the East Coast?" he rubbed at his shoulder where she'd hit him, but her baffled look (twinged with hurt and overlaid with irritation) had him clarifying with in a low hiss, "When, between the time we landed and now, did you find time to meet and piss that chick off?"

She jerked her fist making the boy flinch over-exaggeratedly, "I didn't _do anything to her. That's Spencer's girlfriend, Juliet, and I met her this morning, when we were out getting coffee."_

"_I-" his eyes went wide and he grinned, "Okay, yeah, that totally makes sense then."_

_Ashley narrowed her eyes and stopped walking even when he didn't, "What do you mean by that? Aiden? Aiden!"_


	14. If You Only Knew

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: I'm ALIIIVE! (-ish)

Much love to everyone who reviewed, you guys make my life complete :) You may notice, if you know anything about lacrosse, that I don't know anything about lacrosse. I watched a couple of games when I was in high school (more than a couple of years ago) but, yeah. Please don't cite me on things about the game that I probably got wrong, or do, if you want, I get bored at work and could use a nice conversation ;). As always, please review because I get super excited about them.

Also, I suck.

* * *

Sports, almost as a rule, were not something Ashley did. She was a cheerleader for, like, a day (okay, so for a whole year, but she's mostly repressed those memories), she'd only ever been to four games voluntarily, all of them being Aiden's in the last year and she can't actually recall a gym class that she didn't spend on or behind the bleachers.

In fact, Ashley was fairly certain she hadn't been in the her school gym since freshman spring formal, not even for assemblies and pep rallies.

And it wasn't that girls' lacrosse was anything special, although the fact that both teams were playing in skirts was a nice touch. So Ashley wasn't even attempting to be delusional about what had her constant attention on the field.

Spencer Carlin was fuckin' hot.

The skirt, Marissa told her it was actually called a kilt, was longer than the shorts she'd been wearing earlier when Ashley had seen her after her run, but there was just something about the blonde in a skirt, no matter the fact that it was athletic apparel, swishing hypnotically around her tanned thighs, that made the California native's eyes follow it with undivided attention. But it was more than just the physical aspect that had Ashley flushing in the warm Spring air, the blonde on the field just had this _presence _that could be felt, even hundreds of feet away in the stands.

Marissa, so obviously proud of her foster sister, was more than willing to answer any questions Kyla's guests had, as the fashionista herself was too focused to really pay that much attention. And while Ashley was sure that what the smaller girl and Aiden were discussing was _interesting _she just a bit too distracted to pay them any attention.

"Spence is an attacker, second home," she frowned somewhat, "Val usually plays first home." The boy sent her a semi-confused look and Marissa shrugged, "Attackers are players that are always on the offensive, there are three, called homes. First is mostly the scorer, second is the play-maker and third," she pointed out another girl that stood a little further up the field from Spencer, but still on the other team's side, "Mandy Palmer, is the main transition from middy to attack. When Val broke her leg Jessica Wyatt took her spot, she's good but, man," she smiled wistfully at the field where her foster sister and two other girls skillfully passed the ball around before a red-headed Jessica took a shot that was ultimately blocked by the goalie, "I wish you guys could've seen Spence and Val play together. Now _that_ was fun to watch."

The ball was recovered by Pike's middies and passed sharply to Mandy who took a particularly hard check from a defender causing her to drop the ball during her fall and the spectators to wince. The defender was quick to turn to the recovery but before she could get her stick to the ground Spencer was right there dipping low to scoop up the ball and managing to cause the offending girl to trip over her own feet. The blonde girl passed the ball to an open middy before stepping over the defender and pulling Mandy up in one smooth motion. Laid up by her cast, Val sat on the bench and whistled so loudly Marissa winced around a laugh.

The game continued on, but both teams were obviously there for a reason so the give and take was even enough for the score to be tied two to two at the half. Kyla and her mom made there way down to the restrooms and Aiden mumbled _something _before following their path. Marissa spent the next few minutes explaining the finer points of the lacrosse, but without her favorite visual aid Ashley felt her attention begin to wander. Several rows ahead and slightly to the left was Juliet's group, huddled together and laughing at their own conversation. Ashley could see Juliet fiddling with her phone and seconds later, the injured blonde on the bench moved to check her own device without being seen by her coach.

"What's the deal with Val and that Juliet chick," she asked over the other girl's soft voice, but low enough not to be over heard by neighboring groups.

Marissa felt her neck jerk a little, though from the interruption or something else she didn't know. She blinked to process the question, glancing over at Juliet who was smirking down at her phone and then down to Valerie who sat on the outer most ring of the team huddle, phone held behind her back. "There is no deal," she replied slowly and somewhat guardedly, "They're best friends. A lot like Ky and Spencer."

Ashley's brow furrowed a bit. "Except they're both gay," she tried to clarify.

Marissa gave a wavering hand gesture, "Sort of."

"Sort of? How are they sort of both gay? Juliet's with Spencer and you're dating Val, right?" she asked, trying to remember all the information that passed between her half-sister and Spencer last night, when the blonde had caught the other girl up on the 'need-to-knows'.

Marissa looked immediately defensive, and the California native realized her tone was rather sharp and she was dealing with someone that knew players on both sides of the field, not just Kyla and Spencer. "That came out way wrong," she explained instead of apologizing, "what I meant was…"

But the bespeckled girl was already waving it off, which was good because Ashley honestly had no idea how she was supposed to rephrase herself without coming across as a total bitch, "It's okay, I guess, some people don't really know how to handle that sort of waffling when it comes to sexual orientation, especially those who are so strongly invested in the topic in an emotional level." Ashley blinked and Marissa flushed, "Sorry, I tend to ramble."

"S'ok," the girl blinked again.

The smaller girl smoothed her palms against her jeans, "What I meant by 'sort of' was that Val is gay, like I don't think she's even acknowledge guys if she didn't have to, but Juliet still claims to be straight, you know, like she's just gay for Spencer or whatever."

Ashley thinks back to the moment in the coffee shop that morning when the black-haired girl gave her the once over and has her doubts about that statement, and based on Marissa's tone she can tell the other girl isn't one hundred percent sold on it either. Marissa looks down to the field where the teams were finishing up their half time and Spencer was straddling the bench next to Val who was wrapping tape around the other blonde's wrist. That odd tension from the day before wasn't apparent from the distance, and Ashley wondered at the back and forth of them, curious about Spencer in a way she hadn't been about anyone else before.

"They never hooked up, for the record," Marissa gestured vaguely to the field, "They're just friends, kinda in the same way that Kyla and Jules aren't." It made sense, in a way. From the stories she'd heard Kyla and Juliet were both heavily into theatre where they were constantly competing against one another for leads, while Spencer and Val were athletes, more often than not, on team sports who were supposed to trust one another and build each other up.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering at the line she was toeing, seeing how far she could dig at a stranger about people she didn't really know just to get at a girl she may never see again. But then eyes that she couldn't see from there, but that she knew were blue, found hers and Spencer smiled at her and it was all kind of a moot point after that.

"You mind if I ask about the weirdness in your room yesterday?"

'Rissa sighed and raised one hand, "Kyla and Spencer," she raised the other, "Juliet and Val." She shrugged and dropped both hands, "when it comes down to the divas, Spence and Val aren't allowed to _not _pick sides and things can get a little… weird."

"That's got to suck for you," Ashley blow out a breath that ruffled her colored bangs, picking up on the strain in her voice.

Marissa chuckled for a second almost out of surprise, "Yeah. It oddly got a lot easier when Spence and Juliet started dating, that girl can mediate like none other."

There was a hollow feeling that sucked a bit of her breath from her. Up until that point Ashley had only seen people disapprove of Spencer's relationship, so it was easy to disregard it as something real or good. "Oh," she hummed, rubbing her palms together and glancing at Kyla as she, Aiden and her mom made their way back to the seats, "So they're good together then, Spencer and Juliet?"

"They're a high school lesbian couple, good or bad depends on the day of the week," she shrugged but let the amusement blossom on her face when realization set it, "Oh! Oh wow, you suck at subtle."

Ashley felt her face heat up, "Who said anything about trying to be subtle?"

Marissa clapped once, before blinking and catching sight of Kyla over Ashley's shoulder. Behind her Juliet's voice rang out over that of her friends and on the field Spencer bumped fists with Val before taking her spot to begin the second half. "Look, Ashley," she laid a hand on the other girl's bouncing knee, "You seem okay, sweet even, and Spence has this way of seeing someone for who they really are rather than what they portray themselves to be. But just… be careful with her, she doesn't need any more drama right now." She patted her knee once more and raised her voice, "And that's way I don't think you'll ever be a professional ice dancer, sorry, Ashley."

Her eyebrows were knit in a confusion that lifted as soon as Kyla resumed her seat next to Marissa, and Ashley was glad for the abrupt change in topics. Playing along she pouted exaggeratedly and crossed her arms, "You're kind of a dream killer, 'Rissa, anyone ever tell you that?"

Kyla's look of skepticism was overlaid by Aiden's confusion and Eileen's smirk, but Marissa skillfully tuned it all out as she withdrew her hand and turned back to the game, which Ashley gratefully copied.

!

At three minutes 'til the end the defender that had been glued to Spencer's side the entire second half stuttered around Mandy's close-by and fast paced foot work, leaving the blonde open for a pass from a midfielder that was sharply turned around for an all-too-lucky potshot at the goal.

The people around her erupted into a cheerful roar that shook Ashley from her semi-daze, because no matter how good the eye candy was, sports were still not her thing. The brunette felt something she associated with pride at the sight of Spencer touching the end of her stick with Mandy's, wide grin unmistakable. But it was a combination of Kyla shaking Marissa's shoulder excitedly while the other girl laughed mixed with Juliet's (annoyingly impressive) wolf-whistle that reminded her that she didn't actually have any claim to pride.

The goalie flung the ball as hard as she could reminding everyone that there was still time left, but the damage was done. Pikes had gained a second wind from the goal that seemed to come directly from the lungs of their opponents and as the seconds ticked by slowly (wa-ay to slowly for Ashley's taste) the back and forth play that had predominated the game took over again until the final whistle blew. On the field, Val's red-headed replacement dropped her stick and launched herself at Spencer who caught her mid-air around the thighs, spinning wildly until Mandy jumped in knocking them both over and starting a massive Pikes High dog pile.

"Look like you might have some heavy competition, Juliet," Scott's teasing voice carried to Kyla's group, "Blondie down there has girls literally throwing themselves at her, you might have to step up your game tonight."

Angela rolled her eyes and Donny punched Scott on the shoulder, "Not cool man."

Juliet's response consisted of a single finger and "Puh-lease, my girl is so in knots over me every one knows she doesn't even _see _any one else."

Her tone was so condescending and over-confident that it set Kyla's teeth on edge, so the fashionista was surprised when her raven-haired nemesis' gazed flicked to her own group's retreating backs, glare settling on Ashley before slipping into an uneasy look and following her friends down the stands.

!

Kyla's group caught up to the team in the open area inside the stadium gates just in time to see Juliet duck under Spencer's arm with a laugh, "Gross! You're all sweaty!"

"You know that don't matter to me, Spence-a-licious, I'll take her lovin'," Scott waggled his eyebrows at the blonde athlete.

Spencer, dressed in track pants and her jersey, took a step back to match his advancing one and held up her hands in a 'stop' gesture, "Uh, you don't get to touch me."

The people around her laughed like it was some sort of inside joke, but the California natives and Kyla caught the very serious undertone. Marissa ignored the tension and bounced right up to her foster sister, "I'll take it then," and threw her arms around the other girl's neck, hugging her tightly with both feet in the air. "You were absolutely fantastic out there, Spence!"

Spencer squeezed her once and set her down, blushing she mumbled, "Trust me that last shot was all luck."

Her right knee buckled from Val tapping it with the end of her crutch, "Don't listen to her, babe, Hotshot here's been planning the dramatic win for months now."

Spencer rolled her eyes but happily bumped fists with the other blonde. The member's of Juliet's group split so that Eileen could wrap the girl in a quick hug with a light, "I'm so proud of you." And even Aiden snuck in there for a high five. In the distraction of celebration Scott managed to pop up almost unnoticed next the Kyla, "You aren't going to say anything?"

The brunette shook her head with a slight smile and Ashley was confused until she realized that through most of the exchange with every one else the two best friends had held eye contact, identical smiles in place and that her half-sister wasn't saying anything because she simply didn't _need _to. It was endearing, and kind of intimidating.

Eileen excused herself to pull the car around and the groups chatted for a moment with several other member's of the team that had wondered over, when Ashley found herself side-by-side with Spencer with Kyla distracted by Aiden and Angela and Juliet preoccupied by Marissa, Val and Mandy. Marissa had told them all earlier how Juliet had promised both Spencer and Val that she'd be on her best behavior for the rest of the, and apparently she was being true to her word.

Ashley tucked her hands into her front pockets and nudged Spencer's shoulder with her own, "You were pretty amazing out there," she intoned softly.

"Yeah?" she asked, the tips of her ears turning pink. Then she was leaning to bump the shorter girl in return, "So it was my other hot, Californian stalker falling asleep in the stands during the second half?"

Ashley felt herself battle a blush at the athlete's teasing grin, "Hey now, you had my attention for the entire first part of it and that's kind of a big deal for me, just ask Aiden."

Spencer widened her grin and looked across the group at the boy in question who was at the moment telling a story with large, sweeping gestures to Kyla, Donny and Angela. Donny responded in kind, while Angela stood stone-still and stoic despite the light in her eyes, and Kyla gazed up at the Californian boy somewhat dazedly.

Spencer's looked turned pensive and she lowered her eyes to Ashley, "He's a good guy, right? I mean, he looks like a good guy, and I want him to be a good guy, but Ky, she's been burned in the past and she's honestly not _that _great of a judge of character."

The brunette's chuckle cut her off, "What are you talking about? She picked you for a best friend, didn't she?"

Blue eyes widened in mock horror, "Oh my God, you're right! It's so much worse than I thought!" She slapped her own forehead with an open palm and Ashley laughed openly, if quietly.

They grinned at each other for a moment before the musician glanced over at her friend and half-sister, "But to answer your question, yeah, he's a good guy," she winked at the blonde, "As good as a guy can be anyway."

"Good," the blonde breathed out, looking relieved, "Good."

Her attention was drawn a little to the left where, over Ashley's shoulder, Juliet was wrapped under Scott's arm and holding court in a manner that would make Madison Duarte jealous. The brunette felt her heart break a little at the frown on the other girl's face, who took Juliet and Scott's position for the warning it was. At that moment, there were so many things Ashley wanted to ask but she floundered around a way to keep the conversation going. Spencer solved her problem for her by turning a sad smile in her direction and asking, "Going home tomorrow, huh?"

Her surprised nod to the affirmative was lost when Kyla approached them with Aiden in tow and phone in hand. "Mom just called and she's waiting out front." Ashley nodded that she had heard and her younger half-sister turned to the blonde at her side, "You're coming back to the house right?"

Spencer caught the way Juliet was watching them and smiled thinly, "Jules and I are going to get something to eat, but I'll be over some time after that."

Kyla nodded once and, as if seeing everything going on in the other girl's head, patted her light-haired best friend kindly on the cheek, "You did good, kid."

Spencer's face scrunched up and Ashley found another similarity between Kyla and Eileen in the way they were so adapt at getting Spencer out of her own head. With a laugh, the blonde dipped forward and grabbed Kyla around the middle and lifted her clean off the ground.. She set the girl down, offered a quick smile to Ashley and tapped her fist to Aiden's before the trio made their way to the gates.

Behind them the others in the group found something, anything, else to occupy their attention when Spencer smiled softly at Jules, "Thank you for that."

The green-eyed girl's answering smile was just as soft, if touched by something akin to guilt. Instead of verbalizing her thoughts she reached across the space between them and offered her hand to the blonde.


	15. Art in Me

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: so I got a little ADD and had to relieve a little tension with a Glee fic, but no worries I knew and as one very nice reviewer (you know who you are :) ) reminded me, I needed to 'get back to it'.

* * *

Eileen drove them back to the house but before anything could be decided about what to do with the free time between then and the party at Scott's later she received a call from work. Apparently there was some minor emergency at the office that required her attention, which left the three teens on their own for a moment.

After a bit of indecisiveness and several "I don't care, what do you want to do?"s, Kyla decided to take her guests to Lexington Market for a bite to eat and a look at the "real" Baltimore. Walking around the large main building, Ashley finds herself actually having a pretty good time visiting the different vendors and watching Aiden run around like a three-year-old on a sugar high trying to make sure he sees everything there is to see is an added bonus. They're munching on Berger cookies from DeBaufre's when Ashley notices Kyla hanging back a step and checking her phone for like the eleventh time in the last half an hour, the corner of her bottom lip caught between her teeth. The musician kind of hopes that Aiden would notice and say something so that she wouldn't have to, but the boy is too distracted by a man selling fresh fish to be much help.

She pauses for Kyla to catch up and shifts her balance from foot to foot as a means of minor distraction. "Every thing okay?" she clears her throat uncomfortably.

Her half sister looks up in a bit of shock, eyes wide and Ashley isn't sure what to make of the overt reaction, but she lets it go when Kyla looks away, "Sure, everything's fine."

She nods once and is fully prepared to move on except almost immediately Kyla's biting her lip again and tapping the nail of her thumb against the screen of her phone. Ashley smirked, because if that is her 'fine' face then they should play poker some time because she's pretty sure she could take the younger girl for all she's worth.

"You sure? You look pretty … worried," she asked again, recognizing the younger girl's body language just before she called her out on it.

Kyla's lips twitched like they couldn't decide between frowning and smiling and she shrugged, "Sorry, its kind of a default setting anymore."

Ashley did frown at that, but before she could question the smaller girl further Aiden came bounding up, "Hey guys, Spencer just called me and said she would be at the house around four and to tell Kyla to stop being a Debbie Downer."

Kyla's eyebrows rose in time with Ashley's, "What do you mean Spencer just called you?"

He frowned down at the smallest brunette, "Just now, on the phone," and waved his still lit phone for emphasis, "Said to buck up and she'll see us later."

"Since when do you and Spencer talk on the phone?"

He shrugged one shoulder, "Since now I guess. Hey can we get crab cakes?" And he was off again before she could even reply.

She stomped her foot with a huff at his seeming indifference. "Okay, seriously?" she turned to Ashley, who was torn between amusement and her own curiosity. She smiled anyway and offered her own one shoulder shrug before following Aiden down the row. Kyla threw up her hands in frustration, but hastened to catch up to the two Californians.

!

At half past three Kyla and Ashley tried to wrangle a hyped-up Aiden back to the car park, which was apparently much harder than they thought it would be considering he was supposedly nota four year old. Eventually they succeeded and thankfully made their way back to the house. They pulled up closer to five than four only to find Spencer and Eileen sitting on the front porch steps, heads bent over a stack of papers, which were shuffled away when the engine of Kyla's Jeep cut off.

"I've been meaning to ask," Aiden leant over the center console to unbuckle himself, "What does your mom do?"

Kyla blinked at the random question and answered, "She's a psychologist. Why?"

He shook his head, "No reason, just curious."

They exited the vehicle as Eileen stood, "What took you guys so long?"

Both approaching girls turned mock glares on Aiden who crossed his arms defensively, "What? It was cool. I was excited."

Eileen rolled her eyes and Spencer grinned, "Did you get any Bergers?"

"Dude…" Aiden took the seat that Eileen had vacated and the two athletes chattered on about the wonders of the Market.

Kyla let her mom slip an arm around her shoulders in a half-hug. "I have to run to the mall to pick up a gift for your Aunt Maggie," she turned a questioning smile from one girl to the other, "would you ladies like to join me? Maybe get something for your little party tonight?"

The girl under her arm scoffed, "Have I ever turned down an offer for the mall?"

Eileen laughed, "What about you Ashley?" With the mother/daughter tag team of puppy dog eyes on her she found herself nodding before she even realized it. "Excellent!" the mom released her daughter and clapped. "What about you two over there? Feel up to a trip to the mall?"

Aiden glanced at the blonde who panicked just a tad at the prospect of shopping with Kyla and laughed, "If it's cool with you Ms. Woods, Spence was just telling me about a park down the street and I think there may have been a free-throw challenge in there somewhere."

"Not that the mall doesn't sound like an absolutely fantastic time, mind you," Spencer threw in hurriedly, "But the boy seems to think he can kick my ass, and we all know I can't let that go on for too long, it'd be a disgrace to my gender."

"Of course," Eileen smiled indulgently and brushed the back of her knuckles against the blonde's temple, "Take your key with you in case you get bored before us and remember not to incite any more gang wars."

Spencer threw her hands up, "I maintain I was perfectly within my rights, he was simply over-reacting."

Kyla rolled her eyes at Ashley's intrigued look, but Aiden just laughed, "Man you guys are hilarious." Eileen and Spencer offered him dead-pan looks and his grin faltered for a second, "You are kidding right?"

The blonde patted him on the shoulder, "Sure, buddy."

!

"Hey I got a question for you," Aiden announced randomly, sharply passing the ball to the blonde and watching her make the easy lay-up. They had played one-on-one to twenty by two and Aiden had won at 36-34 and probably only because of his height advantage. He was used to playing on a team and being able to use his feet skills to pass and weave in and out of the other team, but one-on-one had him at the disadvantage as he was by himself and had to rely more on ball handling, which was apparently Spencer's strength.

"Shoot," she replied, retrieving the ball and serving it out. He took a couple steps back before grabbing up the ball and jumping into a shot, smirking at the _swish_.

He motioned for it back and she passed it solidly. "Those tats of your," he gestured vaguely with the ball, "What do they mean?" He made another shot.

That brought her up short, stunned for a moment. She cast back her memory to figure out if anyone other than Eileen had asked her that, but couldn't recall. Most everyone, Kyla and Juliet included, just assumed they were a form of teenage rebellion, never wanting to scratch to far past the surface to see what may be found. They ball rolled past her ankle and Aiden took the necessary steps to pick it up from the grass. "Who says they mean anything?" she counter-asked.

The boy shrugged and spun the ball in his hands, "Shouldn't they mean something?"

She watched him warily and he got the feeling she was seeing more than just the surface. Finally she sighed and hooked her thumb into the waistband of her long shorts revealing the hollow of her right hip where 11-19-00 was inked in formal script with diagonal ovals encircling the two dashes. Aiden smirked to himself because gay or not, the girl was still smokin' hot.

"That's the night my parents died," his face immediately went stark, "the halos are for the lives lost." The corner of her lips lifted in a sad smile at the quickly changing expression on his face. She pulled up her shorts to cover the ink only to reveal the other side where, almost in the exact same spot, was the outline of simply decorated wings of the traditional angel. "And this is for my gaurdian angel."

"Like a legit angel? With the halo and the wings and the harp? Or is it like 'pulled you from the wreckage' in the metaphorical sense gaurdian angel?" he rubbed at the back of his head and frowned.

"Both, I guess," she let the side of her thumb brush against the smooth ink-stained skin before hiding it once more. "I mean she is real, she exists, and she saved my life or maybe convinced me that life was still worth it," her eyes developed a far away look for a moment before she bodily shook herself, looked back at Aiden and forced a smirk, "Any more incredibly personal and invasive questions?"

He was still frowning at her but forced some joviality into his expression before hard-checking the ball to her, "You and Ash should totally hook up. It would be wicked hot."

Her blonde eyebrows scrunched in confusion as she rested the ball against her popped hip, "Is that supposed to be a question?"

His grin takes on a for real amused sheen, "Please?"

Spencer doesn't think she's laughed so hard in months.

!

Finally back at the house, the musician lets out a long sigh. Now she understands why Spencer was so quick to pass up the mall. She knows she can be pretty into shopping, when a certain mood strikes her, but the Wood ladies are on a whole other level of hardcore. Ashley reaches back to rub at a kink that had developed in her neck and happens to glance out the living room window where she could see Aiden and Spencer walking back from the park. The blonde was walking backwards dribbling a basketball, but the boy was clearly visible, as were his wide grin and overt hand gestures. "What do you think they're talking about?" she asked Kyla as she was joined in the room.

The smaller girl shrugged. "Spencer's never really hangs out with guys, so I'm now sure. Sports? Girls?" she guessed, glancing over Ashley's shoulder. But then she was back to her bags, "What do you think about that yellow top for tonight?"

Ashley rolled her eyes at Kyla's short attention span, "It looked good in the store, but what would you wear it with?"

There was a 'hmm' in response, which meant that she wasn't really paying attention or asking for advice. A month ago that would have pissed her off, but now she just let it roll off her back, accepting if not particularly fond of Kyla's odd quirks.

Outside Spencer hard-checked the ball into a laughing Aiden chest before her own bright laughter cold be heard. "Hey I think I'm going to lay down for a bit," the musician sighed again, dragging her fingers through her hair.

Kyla's eyes darted up to her sister, "You okay?"

"Just a bit of a headache," she answered, pinching the bridge of her nose.

The other girl bit the corner of her lip and glanced back at the front door where her mother was poking out her head and asking the two athletes outside a question. "You might want to take my room upstairs then, it may be quieter than your room here on the first floor. And you can take the bags up with you."

She opened her mouth as if to argue, but changed her mind when she considered the offer, "Sure. Thanks, Kyla." The smaller girl waved her gratitude off with a hand and wondered into the kitchen.

!

Ashley set all the bags down next to the closet door and climbed onto the bed, settling back against the headboard and absently picked up an old edition of Cosmo that laid on the bedside table. The corner of the magazine knocked against a picture frame emblazoned with the title of 'Friends' and showing the smiling faces of her sister, Spencer, Marissa, and Val sitting side-by-side on a low wall with arms slung over shoulders.

She smiled at the captured faces for a moment before turning back to the Cosmo. There was only so much she could take of the shades of perfection that Kyla's life seemed to be made of: perfect home, perfect mother, perfect friends. So what if the girl had an enemy at school that seemed determined to hate her. People don't hate you for no reason, that is there has to be something about you that makes you stand out, something you had that made others jealous. At least that was how Ashley rationalized the way people back at Kings High felt about her, any way.

Truth is, Ashley admits to herself only in the comfort of her isolation, she thinks she may be just a bit jealous of the younger girl, and maybe even a little incredulous at how Kyla doesn't seem to appreciate exactly what she has. She thinks that if she had a life like Kyla's, a mom like Eileen and a friend like Spencer, she wouldn't move to the other side of the fucking country and leave it all behind. For all the money and the clothes and the clubs and the freedom she _does _have, Ashley knows exactly what her life lacks, and that's just something or someone that's just _good_. Something that makes her better, someone that makes her want to be better. Hell, the only _good_ thing in her life is Aiden, and he's the one that knocked her up, left her for her best friend, came back after she'd already been saved by some kind of guardian angel on the back of a cruise liner and is now drooling over her illegitimate sister.

Her fingers brush under the hem of her top, against the curve of her abdomen where she can still sometimes feel the push of the railing and ache with that sucking, gaping despair. She frowned at herself and sat upright, suddenly wishing for the soft, blue hoodie that had been her second real comfort in life, and a stark reminder of the first.

Then there was a knock at the door and just as she answered with "Come in" the door was being pushed open and Spencer was barreling into the room, back to the bed and arms trapped in the sleeves of her tee-shirt that was being pulled over the top of her head.

"Sorry to cut and run, baby girl, but Jules just called and said she was on her way to pick me up, and you know she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Ashley didn't know that, but it wasn't a real stretch to believe, but what Ashley did know, somewhere in the back of her mind, was that she should say something, say _anything,_ except that Spencer frickin' Carlin was suddenly standing in front of her in just long shorts and a lacy, black bra and she was pretty sure her brain had just short-circuited.

"No snarky comment? I'm shocked, Ky, seriously," the lilt in her voice indicated teasing and the nick-name, cleared her head a bit, at least enough to understand the situation for what it was so she was sufficiently cognizant to intelligently utter, "Uhh-hmm."

The blonde twisted her neck followed by the rest of her body as she released the snap of her shorts. She raised her eyebrows in mild alarm (and then lowered them in mild amusement/embarrassment at the way Ashley's eyes had honed in on her thumbs tucked away at the waistband of her shorts) and stated the first thing that came to mind. "Well, you're not Kyla."

Spencer had never been particularly shy about her body, but she was raised to be more modest than stripping in front of virtual strangers would allow. Yet the way Ashley was staring, with such dazed appreciation, that she was quickly loosing the tension that generally accompanied changing in the locker room with girls that were not Kyla and their constantly judging eyes. The other girl's gaze was intense and like every other time she'd been alone with her, the world seemed to melt away leaving just the two of them and Spencer decided this was as good a time to figue out the brunette as any.

She left one thumb hooked in her waistband but used the other to snap her fingers and gesture in the 'my eyes are up here' variety.

The brunette flushed hotly at her own blatant ogling. Jerking her eyes up and expecting some negative emotion at her perving, she was more than a little relieved at the smirk on the blonde's lips. Yet, it was probably the playfully challenging set of the athlete's (rather nicely toned and tanned) shoulders as she stood confidently and hot in her state of semi-undress that made Ashley aware of what had been said and gave her control of her vocal cords once more. _Well, if we're going to be stating the obvious_, "And you're not wearing a shirt, so I guess we'll call it a draw."

She wanted to smirk, but felt it come across as more of a shy smile because this, well, _this _could certainly be good.


	16. Handle This

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

Hey, so I meant to thank everyone who has reviewed/alerted/faved this, you guys are super and you make me smile! Also, this chapter was fun to write… like a year and a half ago. But I had to tweak it to make it work for the way the story has changed since I started this thing. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

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The blonde mentally shook herself out of her Ashley-induced haze when the particulars of the situation hit her. She was up here to change in her best friend's room so that her girlfriend could pick her up and go to a party, and now she was standing half-dressed in a room with Ashley Davies. Ashley who, from the moment she'd laid eyes on her, had drawn her in and had her carefully constructed walls crumbling like sand. There was just something about her, something that had the blonde acting so out of character it was almost frustrating. But there was the other part of it, the part that made her not want to think and just act.

She paused in that moment, kept her fingers on the buttons of her long shorts and looked at the other girl in the room. For her part, Ashley felt her heart beat a little faster and her breath come in a little more shallow. When she realized that the blonde had stopped she blinked, coming back into herself and glancing back up at the amused eyes of the standing girl.

The little indulgent smile on her lips caused the brunette to flush rapidly and wonder when the room got so hot. "Well," her voice cracked embarrassingly and she winced, "d-don't stop on my account." She infused as much false bravado as she could muster into her normally smooth voice, "You haven't got anything I haven't seen before."

The blonde raised an eyebrow and managed to look amazingly flustered for someone who had appeared quite content in just tight shorts and a lacy, black bra a moment ago. There were too many factors, too many things and people to consider and Spencer was getting a headache from it all.

Ashley picked up on the abrupt tension, but not seeing any of the visible earmarks of regret figured it to be more embarrassment than guilt. "I'm not sure what you're worried about, Spence," she whispered hoping to sound more reassuring than creepy, voice unconsciously lowering an octave, "you have an incredible body."

The blush spread across the other girl's face and Ashley followed its path over her shoulders and down her chest. It was like no one had ever told her that before.

"It's not that-" she cut herself off abruptly when the musician glanced up at her through those long lashes. A challenge was being issued and Spencer wondered not for the first time how this girl could read her so well. So, with eyes locked, the blonde shimmied out of the shorts and the other girl swallowed hard at the darkening of her blue eyes. It wasn't until she bent down to kick off the shorts and pick up a pair of low-riding jeans that Ashley felt like she could look anywhere else.

It was official. Spencer Carlin had a body Ashley could have only dreamed about, and dream she had.

But, there was something that she hadn't expected in an obvious tan line upper-thigh that showed the length of shorts the girl normally wore and just on the inside of her right thigh were dozens of thin, white scars and around the top of her leg was a long, thicker one.

Ashley stared until the view was obstructed when Spencer pulled on her jeans in strong, jerky motions.

The brunette didn't realized that there were tears in her eyes until her vision blurred and she rubbed at them as she stood to turn her back and hide her reaction to Spencer's unintentional revelation. "Whoa there, Ash," the blonde approached her from behind and ducked to meet her face-to-face, "What's wrong? What happened?"

She grabbed at her shoulders and forced her to stand up straight before she could turn away again. Gently, she cupped the girl's face. "Just take a breath, okay?"

Ashley sucked in a shaky lungful and finally looked the other girl in the eyes again, shocked at the concern in those crystal blue eyes. She reached up herself to wrap her fingers around the blonde's forearms and unconsciously stroked her thumbs along the insides of her wrists, not entirely surprised to feel the ridges of scar tissue there.

They stood like that for an endless moment, pressed up against one another, toe to toe, hips to hips, and forehead to forehead, until the tears stopped and Ashley gave a shuddering laugh meant to cover up more than the awkwardness, "God, talk about over-reacting." The blonde brushed away loose tears on the other girl's cheeks when she let her fingers fall from the scarred wrists.

Spencer figured that she should probably let go but couldn't bring herself to break contact. So instead, she ghosted her hands along the brunette's shoulders, down her sides, and rested them lightly on her denim clad hips and giving them a little shake. "Better now, babe?" she breathed lightly.

Ashley took Spencer's right arm in her left and turned it until the inside was face up at waist height. She bowed her head and slipped the fingers of her right hand along the scars slowly. When Spencer didn't pull away or flinch, Ashley looked up at her through her eyelashes. "This is why Kyla worries about you when she's not around, isn't it?" she questioned softly.

Spencer jerked her shoulders back, but Ashley tightened her grip, wordlessly implying that it would take more to force her to let go. The blonde just sighed then, not sure she had the strength to fight for much longer. "She's just paranoid that she's going walk away one time and when she looks back I won't be here," she murmured, hands twitching nervously, not used to people that weren't professionals talking about them directly.

The dark-haired girl frowned at the dismissive tone. "Does she have a reason to be scared of that?" she asks, more terrified of the questions that hung silently in the air between them.

_Should _I_ be scared? Are you broken too?_

Ashley ducked her head and let her hair obscure her vision, afraid that Spencer would be able to see it in her eyes. She didn't figure out until it was too late that the other girl could read it in her posture.

She shrugged rigidly in response, "It was a long time ago." Ashley looked up at her once more through the tears sticking to her eyelashes and dropped her arms. "I got careless, distracted. I went too deep, the blood came too fast," she shook her head of the memory and let go of the musician's hip to reach up and hold herself by the back of her neck, "but like I said, it was a long time ago."

The smaller girl watched a number of dark emotions flitter across those azure eyes and she wanted nothing more in that moment than to wrap her arms around the other girl. She wanted to feel the warm expanse of skin beneath her palms, to tuck her head under her chin, press her ear against her chest and just listen for a heartbeat.

Instead she asked: "When was the last time you, um." She hesitated unexpectedly, not quite sure how to approach someone else about their vices.

"Cut?" Spencer offered hollowly. "It's alright. You can say it. I'm not ashamed," were the words she offered, but it was in the way she finally, resolutely, stepped back and around from Ashley to stand across the room and the deadened quality of her voice that had the brunette thinking that was exactly what she was.

Ashamed.

"Yeah," she confirmed, palms sweating as they curled into angry fists at her side.

The athlete tucked her arms over her chest, abruptly defensive and self-conscious, "I don't know. It's been a while, months even, maybe longer."

Ashley found that statement odd. "You don't know when the last time you deliberately split open your own skin was?"

Ice-like blue eyes cut into her own and the blonde bit off a sarcastic reply, "It's not exactly something you can mark down on a calendar." The rich brown eyes of her best friend's sister reflected hurt and Spencer almost instantly felt like an ass. She pinched the bridge of her nose tiredly, "It's hard to explain."

"Try me."

And it was there in that softly imploring voice that Spencer felt justified in trusting Ashley Davies. "It's just, some days it feels like I just had the razor in my hands seconds ago and on other days, it feels like it was in another lifetime," she tried to explain, uncrossing her arms and slipping her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. But when she shrugged she unconsciously pressed her lace covered breasts together, sharply reminding them both that she was half-naked and despite the heavy topic Ashley caught her attention wavering once more. The persistent thrumming of tension had her body vibrating like a plucked guitar string and the air between them felt electrically charged.

Ashley took a step forward, fully intent on removing any space between them, Kyla be damned, when-

_I'm drunk off your kiss_

_For another night in a row_

_This is becoming too routine for me_

_But I didn't mean to lead you on_

They both blinked down at the cell phone that was currently flashing bright lights and streaming music. Spencer recognized the ringtone and moved quickly to scoop it up and flip it open in one motion, but she paused momentarily, thumb over the accept button, watching Ashley with indescribable eyes.

_There's no room left here on my back_

_It was damaged long ago_

_Though you swear that you are true_

_I'd still pick my friends over you_

She breathed deeply and accepted the call, "Hey, babe."

Ashley wanted to be annoyed and maybe a little pissed about the intrusion but Spencer was still keeping eye contact and she could read in her posture how the blonde was barely restraining herself from rolling those baby blues skyward. The call had the single benefit of breaking the tension, however, and giving them the opportunity to retreat back to safe territory away from the heavy conversation. But retreating from that only brings to the forefront that there is another kind of tension present and it's like going from one extreme to another, but what the hell, right?

"Uh-huh, that sounds fine." Spencer gestures towards the dresser where she had placed the dark shirt she had planned on wearing that night earlier in a vague request for Ashley's help. In response, the brunette crossed her arms and tilted her head with an patronizing smirk.

"Yeah, I'm still at Kyla's, where else would I be?" The blonde juts out her bottom lip, gives her best puppy dog eyes, and mouths 'please' and Ashley finds herself complying before she even realized she'd moved. _Well, at least now I know where Kyla learned it from_, she thought as she handed the other girl the shirt. "Um, no, I think she's downstairs with her mom."

She mouthed 'thank you' with a grin but her lips quirked down at whatever the girl on the other end of the line said. "I was, uh, talking to Ashley."

The brunette arched her eyebrows in question, but Spencer just shook her head, "Wow, Jules."

There was a stream of near gibberish that exploded from the cell causing Spencer to pull the phone a bit from her ear and Ashley's smirk to turn amused. "Does she think…?" she whispered wiggling her fingers between the two of them.

Spencer nodded with an exasperated look on her face, "To be perfectly honest, Juliet, I-"

The brunette grinned impishly, if she was going to be suspected of nefarious behavior she might as well make the accusations justified. Boldly, she reached forward and glided her warm palm across the tattooed numbers that were just visible above the line of the blonde's jeans on the front of her right hip. The girl squeaked, honest to God squeaked, and batted at Ashley's hand.

"Nothing, I just ran into something," she growled into the phone as she mock glared at the girl currently in her personal space, but her eyes were sparkling something fierce and Ashley decided that this girl had to be the queen of mixed signals. Then her hands were back on the girl's hips, thumbs gently tracing the inked numbers on one side and the sparsely decorated wings on the other, and she wasn't doing anything else but _standing close_ to her and funny things were happening to her head.

"I think you just need to trust me here, Jules," she rasped, breathing becoming difficult when all she could take in was Ashley's scent. "I'll see you in a few, okay? Yeah, bye." She snapped the phone shut and they paused like that for another second.

"Interesting ring for your girlfriend," Ashley commented, sounding way more steady than she felt.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure _Toxic_ plays every time I call her, so we're fairly even on the questionable ringtone category," Spender groused, fingers tightening around the shirt in her hand when Ashley's nails scraped along the sensitive skin over her tattoos, making jolts rocket through her whole body.

"Please tell me you are not dating a girl who listens to Britney." Ashley winkled her nose at the thought; pulling away she gave the other girl a mock disapproving look, "You're losing major cool points here."

"Not a fan, then? So I guess when I finally do get your number not to make yours _Womanizer_ like I was planning on," she stuck out her tongue.

Ashley's jaw dropped, "Oh, no, you did not." She pinched the girl's hips in retaliation, causing Spencer to shriek and drop the shirt in her haste to grab the musician's wrists. They laughed together, pinching and tickling in retaliation, until Ashley stepped the blonde against the wall and they slid palms against palms and interlocked fingers.

It was in the silence that followed, in the way Ashley could feel the sharp _thump-thump-thump_ing of their shared heartbeats as she was pressed so deliciously against the taller girl, that she felt something that she didn't think she'd ever felt before.

It kind of felt like falling.

She tilted her face upward, brushing the tip of her nose against the corner of Spencer's mouth, and heard the blonde's breath hitch. Ashley watched the other girl's blue eyes flutter closed, felt her grip tighten and her own heart beat double and just as she was about to press her lips against Spencer's, the other girl turned her head sharply and Ashley ended up brushing her lips across the underside of her jaw.

Had she really read the situation _that _wrong? Because for the past day Spencer had been sending her all the right signals and Ashley knew when someone was interested in her, but then why did she turn away? Now, Ashley had been rejected before. It didn't happen often, but mathematically speaking you couldn't flirt with the amount of people that she did and not strike out every once in a while. Although it had never happened when she had invested this much of herself and it had never hurt like this before.

She felt her lungs contract and her blood freeze and it might possibly have been the apology in the blue eyes that sent her over the edge, but suddenly she didn't even want to be around the blonde. She slackened her hold on the blonde's fingers and stepped roughly out of the girl's personal space but what she hadn't counted on was the blonde tightening her hold and all but lunging to stop her retreat.

"Don't! Don't walk away, just, fuck, just look at me, okay?" the athlete implored, releasing one hand in order to wrap her fingers around the inside of Ashley's elbow.

But the brunette was far too embarrassed to comply and kept on looking away, her heart not responding well to the rollercoaster this girl was taking her on. She bit at her bottom lip and mentally counted backwards from ten in some asinine attempt to stop the tears.

"It's not you, okay? It's not." Ashley scoffed at the line, offended because it was a stupid one that she had used before and to be honest she had expected more from this girl. She tugged more insistently against Spencer's hold, nearly jerking her arm out of it's socket in her fervor. "Don't do that, Je-_sus_!" the blonde exclaimed.

"Just let go of me," mumbled quietly, angling herself to make a break for the door.

"No!" she stepped closer to the brunette's back, "If I do that you're going to leave and not let me explain." She took a chance in releasing her hold on the smaller girl only to rest her hands on the musician's shoulders, and felt them tense under her palms.

Instead of fleeing, however, she whipped around and shoved at the front of Spencer's shoulders, ignoring the way her hands tingled at the contact, "What's there to explain, Spencer? There are two of us involved here and one of us pulled away." She shrugged helplessly and took a step back, "And right now _I_ need to walk away from you before I do something else really stupid."

"No, right now you need to listen to me, okay?" And for some reason, Ashley stopped retreating. "It's not you," the brunette opened her mouth to make an angry retort but stopped at Spencer's pleading look, "It's _not _you, I swear, and it's not that I don't want to, not that I don't want you." She tucked the strand of dyed red hair behind the girl's ear. "Because, God, do I want you, want this," her voice lowered and Ashley couldn't fight the shiver it sent through her body. "What I don't want is to treat this like something that we can walk away from without anyone getting hurt because I don't think that's possible anymore. I'm not that person and you aren't either."

She picked up Ashley's left hand and played with her fingers, "I won't act like this is just some game, when it's not. I can't do that. And I can't do that to you and," she pressed her lips to her calloused palm before dropping the hand completely, "I won't do that to her."

She stepped back to scoop up the tank top and phone that she had let fall to the floor moments before and even when the muscles of her abdomen contracted beautifully as she slipped the shirt on, Ashley was too distracted to notice. Then, like the final nail in the coffin, the phone lit up in the athlete's hand.

_I'm drunk off you kiss_

_For another night in a row_

_This is becoming to-_

"Jules? Yeah, I'll be down in a second." She snapped the phone shut with a hollow click and just stared at it for a second, like it's presence confused her.

"Girlfriend here already?" Ashley asked, voice forcibly, and noticeably, light.

"Yeah," the blonde blinked and shoved the phone in her back pocket, "she's waiting outside." There was an awkward silence that persisted through Spencer grabbing her wallet out of the shorts she had dropped earlier and slipping on her flip-flops. "How's my makeup? Do I look alright?"

But she was hardly wearing any in the first place, so Ashley offered a half-hearted smile, "Yeah, you look good."

"Good," she picked up her keys from Kyla's dresser, "I'll, uh, I'll see you later, Ash."

"It's not a game to me either!" Ashley called as Spencer was halfway through the door in a last ditch effort. She knew the possibility of it ending well was unlikely, but she'd be damned if it was going to end like this. "I get it, you know," she stepped up as the blonde paused, "I get that you don't want to hurt anyone with this, but the way that this feels? How wrong could it be? But I do get it, kind of, I get that Jules is important to you for some reason."

Her shoulders were shaking and Ashley couldn't tell if the girl was laughing or crying or just stuck, "Yeah," she whispered, "her too."

But before the musician could figure out what the hell that was supposed to mean, the blonde had walked down the hall and out of her sight.

She flopped down on the bed and pressed her hands to her face, headache suddenly back with a vengeance, "Fuck."


	17. Underneath It All

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

A little more revealed, a lot more questions. Where entering the final quarter here folks.

Thanks to everyone reviewed, there were many happy dances :D Also, this is pretty much a rough cut, but I was doing so well with the updating that I wanted to keep it up.

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Ashley faked a smile for Kyla's benefit as the approached the obnoxiously large house on a lane filled with dozens of other obnoxiously large houses. This one differed in the fact that its long arching driveway was filled with cars as was most of the street in front and the shouts of teenagers being heard from round back. A nap and some aspirin had rid her of all but the dregs of her headache, but this party already had the earmarks of something that was not going to help with it at all.

She had actually, surprising even herself, seriously considered Eileen's offer of tea and a quite movie night but she knew it would be rude to Kyla, who had been looking forward to introducing her guests to her old way of life on the East Coast. Maybe even as a way of connecting the way she partied to the way Aiden and Ashley did at Grey's back in LA. Plus, the more Ashley thought about it, the more she figured she owed Spencer some kind of apology. Not that she planned on taking the whole of the blame, as she'd said in Kyla's room there were two of them involved, but Ashley shouldn't have pushed as hard as she had, shouldn't have advanced when Spencer was on the phone. There was just something about the blonde, something in her voice, in her touch or her smile that just made Ashley feel safe. And feeling safe wasn't something she was entirely used to so when it did happen, she tried to latch on as hard as she could.

So no, she wasn't the only one at fault for that little scene, but she'd be damned if she was going to leave it at that.

Kyla was practically vibrating with excitement, which was making Aiden grin goofily from his place on her right, and Ashley to roll her eyes at the pair of them. The East Coast native rung the door bell, which echoed through the buzz of music and voices audible from behind the front door.

The noise increased exponentially as the door swung open to reveal Scott dressed in khaki shorts and a light blue polo. "Kyla!" he shouted excitedly, surging forward to pick her up around the hips and hold her there. "Come in, come in! Don't stand there on the porch like a bunch of losers!" he waved his free arm at Ashley and Aiden, offering the girl a wink. He turned and carried Kyla inside the house, "Hey everyone! Ky-Ky's here!"

With the smaller girl's laughter still being heard over the din, Aiden turned to his oldest friend, mood change evident on his face. "I'm not going to enjoy this all that much am I?" he asked her petulantly.

Ashley punched him lightly in the shoulder and grinned, "Probably not, but I might now."

!

They wondered through the expansive house following Scott, who had finally set Kyla down. He pointed out the way to the basement which was blasting music and flashing multi-colored lights at random and told them if they were into dancing then that was the place to be. He also walked them through the kitchen where an expanse of snack foods and pizzas were laid out and gestured towards a door on the far end that led to the backyard where a couple of kegs where set up.

"There's also a pool out back and a game room down the hall, but feel free to wander, mix and mingle. We're all friends here, some closer than others." He waggled his eyebrows at Kyla making her flush and giggle.

He grabbed a beer from a cooler on the back porch, offering some to his guests who all accepted one but none opened them, and led them back into the house and to another room where most of the people Ashley had met in Baltimore were situated.

"Okay, okay," Donny was waving his arms, "I got one." He raised a glass in the air, "Never have I ever kissed a member of the same sex."

Val groaned from her seat on the end of the couch and shared an eye roll with the three other girls in the room that were in said same-sex relationships. Marissa reached back from her spot on the floor in front of her girlfriend and pinched her leg above the cast, both taking a sip from their respective cups.

"Lame," Spencer groused, shifting from the opposite end of the couch where she was pressed between the arm rest and Juliet, but took a sip at the same time as her and one or two other people in the room. Then she smirked, "Never have I ever been strip searched at the mall."

"Extenuating circumstances, Spencer!" Donny shouted over Val's bellowing call of: "Drink up, JD!"

"Hey!" Scott shouted over the resulting laughter, fully ushering the other three into the room, "Look what sexiness I found wandering about in the cold."

Juliet opened her mouth but before anything could come out, Spencer clapped her hand over the other girl's mouth and instead it was Marissa's voice that rang out, "I know Aiden's pretty, Scott, but I really don't think you're his type."

Scott guffawed louder than anyone and nudged Aiden with his elbow, "You going to take that, man?"

"Take what?" Aiden shrugged and threw Marissa a wink, "I just got called pretty, I'm cool with that."

"Respect, man," Val nodded raising her cup before taking another sip.

"Ignore her," Spencer piped up, "She's drunk."

Juliet leant forward from her place against the blonde and ruffled Val's hair, "Doesn't take much, does it, lightweight?"

"Ah lay off, you degenerate," she slurred, swiping at the offending hand.

"Big words, definitely drunk," Scott stage-whispered to the newcomers. He wandering further into the room, "Whelp, come on in if you're coming in or you know," he waved his free hand about in a general manner. They all made their way in and found a free spot on the floor, Scott made a round of general introductions before taking a spot next to Kyla, "So what have we learned so far?"

From the corner of her eye Ashley saw Spencer tense when Juliet resumed her place against her, her blue-eyes watching the three of them subtly. There were a few inputs from people giving out highlights, like some girl named Amanda had made out with a teacher, but Scott shook his head, "It's no good, we know too much about each other." He laughed and raised his drink, "I say we make new ones. Juliet, truth or dare?"

Ashley hid a smirk behind taking a sip because Spencer reacted the same way she had the night before at the suggestion of the game. "What is your obsession with this game?" she asked launching the closest pillow at his head, but her aim was hindered by the body against her own and it fell a couple feet shy.

Scott stroked an imaginary beard and put on a mock-thoughtful expression, "I think it spans back to sophomore year when Jules had to give me a lap dance and I damn near bust a nut."

It was the dark-haired girl that threw the next pillow and with her dominate hand free her aim was that much better, smacking him in the face and muffling his laughter, but not that of everyone else in the room. "Truth, you jackass," she finally responded to his initial question.

"Something we've all been dying to know, what is your favorite position to have Spencer in?"

The blonde's face lit up brightly and she moved to hide it behind Juliet's back, "I really fucking hate this game." Ashley was beginning to understand why.

!

It didn't take five minutes for the California-born girl to figure out the focus of the East-Coaster's game. By half an hour there was enough skin and sex-talk in the air to remind her of any club from back home. It was all sex and humiliation with these people and if you could get both in one shot then it was just a bonus. Surprisingly, because Ashley seriously was looking for more reasons to hate the girl, Juliet wasn't the ringleader of this circle of depravity.

It was nothing obvious, but Ashley had spent years as the head of the social hierarchy\along side Madison so she knew to recognize the signs for what they were. Angela Marco, the girl from the game, sat in the place of honor, a loveseat at the far end of the room, where she could watch the proceedings with limited interference. No one laughed before her, and there were several looks of people seeking approval passed to her. She pulled the strings like a puppet master and apparently she had it out for Spencer.

"Alright, Spencer, I've got one for you," Angela leant forward dramatically with a dangerous smirk on her face, "What did Jamison Kelley actually say to you before you went ape shit on him?"

Kyla suddenly sat up straighter catching the quick glance Spencer shot her, "Wait, what? Jamison came back?"

"For a visit, a couple days after you left for LA," Scott filled in, the easy smile that had graced his features all night beginning to look a little forced.

"And Spencer beat him up?"

"Kicked his ass all over Troy Derr's front lawn," Val threw in, sounding a hundred percent proud and holding up her hand for a fist bump.

Juliet shoved it away, "Resulting in three split knuckles, a bruised rib and a black eye. It's not something to be proud of Valerie."

"Fuck that," she grumbled, falling back into her spot, "Someone needed to smash his smug little face in."

Kyla kept her gaze on Spencer, a sense of morbid curiosity peaked, what had caused such a violent reaction in her normally laid back best friend? She knew what was likely to have caused it, but as far as she was aware the issue had been laid to rest for almost two years.

The blonde, on the other hand, was resolutely avoiding her looks. "Consequences?" she asked instead, indicating that she wasn't going to answer.

"You have to tell us where you _really _were for that month freshman year."

Spencer went completely still. Juliet swung wide eyes to Angela, proclaiming "She's not going to answer that" at the same time Kyla rocked to her knees to face the blonde calling out "You don't have to answer that." They turned to glare at one another.

The blonde in question turned a heavy frown and a dark look to the girl who was putting her on the spot, "Christ, Angie, pulling a fucking punch every once in a while."

"Your choice, Spinner," the dark girl replied, smugly leaning back into her boyfriend.

"Just tell her what Jamison said, Spence, it can't be that bad," Kyla implored. But Spencer was looking down, jaw clenching and unclenching, Juliet leant away from her so that she could touch her shoulder with the tip of her fingers. The blonde shook her head quickly and stood, waving off her girlfriend's attempt to do the same.

Her eyes landed quickly on Ashley before tilting her head to the side to watch the way Val and Marissa watched her. "I was in a, uh, reparative therapy camp," her eyes were screwed upward making Ashley think she was repeating something she remembered hearing rather than talking straight. Marissa hissed in surprise and Val lurched forward in her seat, "For sexual re-orientation." She turned a humorless smile onto Angela, "You know you can be a real bitch sometimes, Ange."

"It's just a game, Spencer," the girl pouted, "No need to be so hostile. Your turn, babe."

The blonde's fingers twitched around the red cup in her hand, "Someone else can have it. I'm going to get myself something else to drink."

She left the room in a stunned silence without a backwards glance. After a tense second Scott snorted, "Never have I ever stormed off, diva style, from a game of Truth or Dare." Angela and Donny laughed first, followed by everyone else in the room sans the three sitting next to him and the three girls by the couch. Kyla stood quickly. "Chill out, babe," the sandy-haired boy frowned up at her, "It's cool. No one here cares about that shit. Sit down and play, she's fine."

"That's not really the point, _babe_," she shook her head and smiled, "I know she's fine, it's just getting a bit cramped in here. I was going to check out the basement. Ash? Aiden?"

The two stood up and shuffled out after her. Ashley was beginning to wonder if any one else noticed the force behind her smile or the fake quality of her upbeat voice, or if they did if they even cared. Scott stood up to follow after them, but a dark look from Aiden and Angela's voice stopped him.

"Sit down, Scottie, we're in the middle of a game."

Once in the relative privacy of the hallway Ashley rounded on her half-sister, "Okay, seriously, what the hell was all of that?"

But Kyla's eyes were focused further down the hall and she was wearing her worried face. "'Don't worry about it' she says, 'Just some stupid drama in the group' she says," Kyla mimicked under her breath. She sighed heavily and rubbed her temples with the heels of her hands. Quickly she turned wide, apologetic eyes on her guests, "God, I'm _so _sorry, guys. I totally forgot how bad they could get, especially when it involves, I mean," she shook her head and went back to looking down the hall.

"Especially when it involves what?" Ashley wouldn't be swayed.

Kyla shrugged, her eyes filled with bland acknowledgment of the situation, "It's just the politics of the group, Ashley, I'm sorry you had to see all of that. I just wanted you," she looked over to Aiden as well, "both of you, to have a good time."

Ashley wanted to say more, but Aiden over-stepped her once more, "We can still salvage it. Let's just go find Spencer and split." He received a grateful smile in return and they split up to find the blonde part of their group.

As luck would have it, Ashley found her in the first place she looked, sitting on the side steps of the wrap-around porch. She was facing away from the brunette, swirling the contents of the red cup in her hands. "Hey," she called out softly, "You okay?" Immediately she wished she could take it back because it was a stupid thing to ask after all that. Spencer didn't respond, so she tried again. "Your friends are kind of assholes."

The blonde nodded once, "Yep." She took a sip from the cup.

Ashley frowned at the general lack of response, "You probably shouldn't drink when you're upset, or that's what Aiden tells me anyway."

Without looking back Spencer waved an arm indicating the other girl should come closer. When she complied and was within reaching distance, the athlete raised the cup for her to take. Ashley gave the contents a cautionary sniff, frowned and took a sip herself. "It's Dr. Pepper," she stated in surprise.

Spencer had shifted to watch the brunette on her customary tilted axis, "I tend to do stupid things when I drink, like take on a guy that's got three years and fifty pounds on me."

"Jamison Kelley?" she guessed, handing her back the cup and taking the seat next to her.

"Jamison Kelley," Spencer confirmed.

"Who the hell is Jamison Kelley?"

Spencer just shook her head softly, "Just some douche we used to go to school with."

"Did he deserve it?" Ashley asked. She watched Spencer's face darken as the blonde nodded. "Well, okay then."

Her neck swiveled to regard the girl next to her who was now staring straight forward, "That's it?"

Ashley shrugged and let the semi-awkward silence settle over them. She thought back to Eileen and Kyla and what they did when Spencer was locked away in her own head, but couldn't think of good way to divert the obvious topic. So she didn't, she was Ashley Davies after all, and Ashley Davies didn't shy away from a fight. "So, anti-gay camp, huh?"

"Yeah," the blonde drew out the word cautiously.

"Do you get your money back if they can't make you straight and boring? And oh! Was RuPaul your counselor?" she asked, as if the thought just occurred to her. She knew there was so much more to it than that, that this was seriously thing, but it was neither the time nor the place. So Ashley did what she was comfortable with, she went with jokes and making light of things, making it bearable.

Spencer's lips twitched like she was fighting a smile when she recognized the reference, "No and no. It was Father Fitzpatrick."

Ashley huffed as she visibly deflated, "That's seriously disappointing." She reached across to pluck the cup from Spencer's hand and took a drink.

The blonde regarded her with a small, fond smile, "You're kind of a dork, you know that?" Blue met blue as the brunette raised her eyebrows in a look of mock indignity. Spencer held her thumb and forefinger about a centimeter apart between them, "Just a little bit."

Ashley repeated the gesture in an attempt to confirm and scoffed when Spencer nodded. Leaning over she bumped her shoulder against the blonde's, "Whatever, you know you like it."

"Yeah," the other girl agreed softly, the brightness of her smile turning up just a touch as she took her cup back, fingers brushing fingers gently.

A blush took residence on Ashley's face, but she was saved from having to respond by a familiar voice ringing out like a bell.

"Spencer?"

The blonde's good mood evaporated immediately and a stony look replaced her contented smile.


	18. If You're Wondering If I Want You To

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

Reviews make me smile and I seriously want to know what everyone thinks. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed/faved/alerted this! I heart you!

* * *

"You think you could give us a minute, Ashley," Spencer's voice was tight and her face blank.

The brunette in question resisted the urge to reach out for the other girl's hand, to try and bring some spark back into her posture, but settled for a nod. She stood and carefully avoided Juliet's glare. She used Spencer's shoulder as a crutch for the last step and let her fingertips slide along the bare skin through, not enough to mean anything but enough to offer comfort. "I'm going to find Aiden and Kyla, just let me know when you're ready."

Juliet waited until she heard the front door click before rounding on the blonde. "What the hell was that?" her voice was a low hiss as she gestured backwards in the direction Ashley had disappeared in.

"No," Spencer shook her head, "No, you don't get to be jealous and indignant after what just happened inside." She set the cup down in order prevent herself from crushing it and stood.

Juliet shifted her feet, "After _what_ just happened?"

"Don't play stupid, Juliet, you were never very good at it," the blonde bit off caustically. The other girl crossed her arms defensively and avoided her girlfriend's hurt eyes, "How could you do that to me?"

"People talk, Spence, it's just the way rumors get around. You heard Scottie, no one cares about that stuff," she replied rapidly and took a step forward, reaching out a hand that Spencer dodged around.

"_I_ care, Juliet, that's my business, _my _business, not Scott's or Val's or Angela fucking Marco's, _mine._ And rumors? Really, that's what you're going to go with? That," she gestured vaguely towards the house, "That wasn't about a rumor. She _knew_ where I was, Jules. Three people knew because I told them, and Kyla and Eileen sure as fuck didn't tell her!" She took a breath to force air into her body and calm herself down, her hands were curled into angry fists at her sides and her whole body shook at her attempts to control herself. "So, no, people don't talk, not about that, _you_ talk."

Juliet flinched away from her voice, "What do you want me to say?"

Spencer doesn't know if she can actually believe what she's hearing. "I just want you to tell me why, Jules. Why after all that girl puts you through you constantly go crawling back to her like a supplicant. She tore you down for _years_," she reminded the other girl like she needed to hear it out loud, "She made you hate everything about yourself and put you on the path for an eating disorder so that when I found you, you were so broken and sick that you couldn't even look in a mirror." Juliet pressed a fist to her mouth to stop a sob as tears began to stream from behind closed lids. But Spencer wasn't done, she was sick of not talking about it, of hiding behind the thought that if it wasn't out there, no one would notice it. "I found you, Jules, I pulled you out of that, I was there for you when no one else was. I stood by you at the risk of my grandparents and my best friend, and I-I trusted you," she broke off painfully. Juliet had curled her shoulders inward and Spencer wondered if she had taken it too far, she ran her fingers tiredly through her light locks, "I just want to know why you would take the first opportunity you were given to betray me like that."

Strands of black hair fell as she dropped her head and shook it.

"No?" Spencer interpreted. "No, you can't? Or, no, you won't?"

Juliet's body shuddered heavily as the tears fell harder. Immediately Spencer felt the pull to comfort her. It was the same pull that had drawn her to the other girl for the first time in sophomore year when she'd found her crying and alone, huddled in the corner of the girl's bathroom at school.

Maybe Kyla was right, maybe she was drawn to tragedy. And all this giving, giving to Juliet and Val and Marissa, no matter how much she cared about them, wasn't healthy if all it was, was giving herself away until there was nothing left. Juliet was crying in front of her and it made her feel worse than terrible because she had caused those tears, but above that feeling, above even the feeling of anger at the girl's betrayal was tiredness. Bone-deep and unsettling tiredness.

"I can't do this anymore, Juliet," she breathed out, all that negative energy dissipating in the words left hanging there.

Wide green eyes, shiny with tears, suddenly shot upwards, "Are- are you breaking up with me?"

"I think I have to," she flexed the muscles of her forearms, thin white lines jumping out at her and with terrible clarity she can remember exactly the last time she cut because those moments are earmarked with self-loathing that only occur to her when she doesn't feel good enough, and no one did that better than Juliet. Angela was crueler, by far, but Angela was not within her defenses the way that Juliet was, so her words never cut as deeply as Juliet's subtle, almost unconscious, reminders.

"Is this because of Kyla, or-or that girl, that- her sister, because I can try harder, I can be," she stops because Spencer is chuckling morbidly and shaking her head. And Spencer is laughing because Juliet obviously doesn't get it. It's not about other people, about the snide remarks Juliet makes about Kyla, or her general distrust of any girl that says more than three words to Spencer. It isn't even about the constant battle it was to be around her and her friends or the fact that it was all mind games and fake smile or their constant need to drag people down or how it was hard to just be _okay_ around them. It was about Spencer and how she doesn't think she's going to survive for much longer if things continue like this, all this giving with no one there to hold her together when all the damaged little pieces don't fit back together the way they're supposed to. Kind of exactly like Kyla predicted.

She knows Juliet knows about the scars on her thighs and the ones on her wrists, but she wonders if the girl knows about the ones on heart. She knows about the camp and Jamison Kelley and Spencer's bouts of depression because she's been told about them by Spencer herself, but did she ever put it all together? Did she even try?

She drops her shoulders from the weight of it all and sighs, "It's not about Kyla, or Ashley, or anybody but you and me. I'm sorry, Juliet," she pinched the bridge of her nose as a reason to not look at her, "It's just not working anymore."

"Spence?" Kyla peaked around the corner of the house, "We're going to take off. Are you," she glanced over at Juliet's shaking form, "You, uh, coming with?"

"Sure," she cleared her throat, "Just give me another minute."

Kyla looked like she wanted to say more, but Aiden put his hands on her shoulders and set her into motion down the front porch stairs, "Take your time, we'll be at the car whenever you're ready." Ashley followed them offering a small, supportive smile on her way.

"So that's it? We're over," Juliet asked when the three were out of hearing range. Her infliction was odd, though, so Spencer couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement.

She shrugged, "Yeah, I guess so." She stepped around Juliet and was at the bottom of the steps before she paused and turned back. "Look, if you ever need to talk, or whatever," she slipped her hands into her front pockets to stop fidgeting, "I'll be there. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop wanting you to be okay, okay?"

"Sure," Juliet smiled stiffly and Spencer wondered if she meant it. The blonde nodded once and turned back down the path. "Spencer?" she stopped and turned back once more at the sound of her now ex-girlfriend's voice, "What am I supposed to tell everyone?"

She clenched her jaw, inexplicably weary at the question. "Whatever you want to," she took two backwards steps so that she could catch green eyes once more, "That's your show, not mine." _Not anymore_.

She made it to Kyla's Jeep without anymore interruptions and got into the backseat. Aiden was behind the wheel with Ashley in the seat next to him and Kyla waiting for her in the back. There were any number of things that her best friend could say, things she had the right to say because she'd pretty much been calling this outcome from the second after Spencer had told her she's asked Juliet out. Prepared for any of it, Spencer jumped into the car and shut the door behind her.

Kyla grabbed one of her hands and folded it between both if hers, "You okay, munchkin?"

"Why do you people insist on making me sound shorter than I really am?" she rolled her eyes, "And no, not really."

"Do you want to go home?"

Spencer knew that if she said yes that they'd would all go without complaint, but she didn't want to be the downer on their last night in Baltimore any more than she already was. She shook her head and squeezed her hand, "No."

"Coffee?" Ashley suggested from the front seat, "And then we can figure out the next step?"

"That sounds perfect." She threaded her fingers through Kyla's and smiled at Ashley, small but genuinely.

!

Spencer directed Aiden to the same Starbucks that her and Ashley had been at earlier that morning. They approached the door with Kyla tucked under one of Spencer's arms with subdued looks on their faces and Aiden and Ashley bringing up the rear. There were two people waiting on orders to the side and three people behind the counter. The one at the register, a man with mocha skin and a blinding smile greeted Spencer with a laugh, "Hey there, hot stuff."

He and the blonde wiggled the tips of their fingers together, "Hey-a, Micah, how's the night?"

"Dark," he grinned and started ringing in the order. "Anything for you, Kyla? Guests?" he directed passed them at Aiden and Ashley.

They all put their orders in and while Spencer pulled out her wallet Aiden all but slams his open palm down in the back of her hand, "Oh hell no, seriously, if one more person pays for me today I'm going to have my man card revoked." He hands Micah his debit card without pause.

The blonde opens her mouth to respond, he can see the smirk building, but Kyla pinches the back of her arm and thanks him for the both of them. Micah handed the card back with a smile, finishes writing the last order on a venti cup and hands it off to a tall red-headed girl with several bits of metal in her face.

"Thought you were at an in-crowd party tonight, shortie," the girl winks, working the machines with a practiced ease.

"Officially on the outs with that particular crowd, Al."

"That mean what I think it means?" she asked, handing a finished drink to the other girl behind the counter. Spencer shrugged but it's Kyla inability to school her features that gives her the answer. "Damn, girl, sorry to hear that."

"But," Micah interjected quickly, "If that means y'all are looking for something to do tonight, me and Al are going bowling with Michelle, Dave and the rest after shift."

Spencer is shaking her head and laughing as Al hands her a cup over the counter, "I don't think so, man." She turns right into Kyla's puppy-dog expression complete with overly wide eyes and jutting lower lip and frowns, "Aw, come on that was, like, zero warning."

Behind her Aiden is grinning somewhat evilly, "Dude, yeah, that would be awesome. I haven't been bowling in forever and I can totally kick your ass twice in the same day."

Spencer looks to Ashley like she might find an ally there, because come on there's no way the hardcore LA party girl is going to agree to this. Except that she's smiling in a not very sympathetic way and shrugging, "We were looking for something to do, Spence."

"You guys suck," she pouts as Micah and the red-head high five behind the counter.

!

Her reasons for not wanting to go, and Micah and Al's obvious excitement in her agreeing to it, become obvious within the first three frames when she only manages to knock down one pin. She endures everyone's teasing in a manner that Ashley can only assume is unique to Spencer in its good nature. Besides her pout is kind of adorable to the Californian.

There were twelve of them all together, Kyla and her guests being the only ones there that didn't work at the coffee place and every one was excited to see Spencer there. They are all insanely welcoming to the interlopers and even though none of them seem to have anything outside of work in common they were all laughing together and enjoying themselves immensely and their infectiously good attitude bled wholly into Ashley, who as Spencer had thought less than an hour before, would never usually agree to this.

"Why wasn't this the plan from the beginning?" the brunette falls into the plastic seat next the Spencer after her turn (a respectable 7, thank you very much).

"These are my friends," Spencer shrugged and raised her palms absentmindedly, "Scott and them are Kyla's and Juliet's. I would have preferred this, but I didn't make the plans." Surprisingly there is no bitterness or negativity in her tone, just the quiet acceptance of fact even at the mention of her freshly made ex.

David rolls a strike and performs one of the most flawless moonwalks Ashley's ever seen, much to the amusement of his co-workers and Spencer's bright flowing laughter cements it. She likes the blonde's friends way more than she likes Kyla's.

Even if Michelle does stumbles over every word she speaks to Spencer and blushes whenever the blonde replies. Because, pushing down that irrational inkling of jealousy, even Ashley has to admit, it's kind of cute.

!

They bowl three games, which with twelve people takes a while even on two lanes. The fact that the alley is kind of huge, open twenty-fours and the group is apparently a regular fixture there means that they don't get kicked out afterwards so they sit there 'til almost two in the morning sitting around three tables and laughing at stories from the shop.

At half past they make it back to the Woods household where Kyla disappears to take a shower and Aiden wonders off to check out score on Sports Center. Ashley and Spencer are left in the hallway by themselves when the blonde looks at the other girl thoughtfully, "Are you tired at all?"

"Not really," Ashley shrugged, still a little hyped from bowling.

The blonde slipped her hands in her front pockets and stiffened her arms in what Ashley was beginning to realize as an almost nervous gesture. She titled her head in the general direction of the front door and glanced down, "Feel like going for a walk?"

"Sure," she grinned as the other girl's apparent shyness, "Just let me go grab my hoodie."

She was back in less than three minutes wrapped safely in the soft blue material of her comfort hoodie as Spencer pulled on a black, cotton track jacket with a white number 17 on the back and CARLIN printed between the shoulder blades. The athlete tries to hide a semi-startled smile when she catches sight of Ashley, but her efforts are for naught. "What?" she looked down at herself, "Is something wrong?"

Her lips part almost unconsciously as if to answer before she closed her mouth and shakes her head. "Of course not," there's a gesture towards the door, "Ready?"

They walk side by side for a few minutes with Spencer throwing glances at the brunette every thirty seconds or so (Ashley knows this because she times it). When they reach the end of the block in mostly comfortable silence Ashley threads her arm though the space created by Spencer's hand in her own pocket and leans slightly into the other girl, "Have something on your mind?"

She looks startled for a moment before she able to mask it with a soft smile, "I have several things on it at the moment, actually."

Ashley squeezed the hand she has resting on the other girl's bicep lightly, "Anything I can help with?"

The blonde shrugs as a jerk reaction, "Well, I." She stops and starts again, "I mean, I did want to, I don't know, apologize, I guess." A confused look prompts another small smile, "For all the drama. I know it couldn't have been much fun getting caught up in my shit, and I just feel bad because this was supposed to be a fun weekend for you guys and I feel like I may have ruined it a bit or, you know, a lot."

She struggles with something to say because Ashley isn't really used to people taking responsibility for themselves or the way their actions effect other people. "It's alright," she winks to lighten Spencer's apparent guilt, "For real, the drama reminds me of LA, makes me less homesick."

But she doesn't look fully convinced, "You sure?"

Ashley grins playfully, "Remind me to tell you about Madison Duarte sometime."

"Fiery Latina cheerleader with an immense ego who may or may not hate you with every fiber of her being?" the blonde asks, chuckling at her partly dropped jaw, "Kyla's mentioned her once or twice."

They reach the end of the block and make a right hand turn in another round of silence that is broken when Ashley shakes Spencer's arm once, "Tell me something about yourself."

Blonde eyebrows raise in response, "Like what?"

"Um," Ashley chews on the inside of her cheek for a second. "How about, favorite color?"

With a smirk Spencer reaches up with the arm that isn't in the brunette's grasp and tugs gently at the dyed strip of hair, "Red. You?"

"Blue," she gives the blonde a nose-crinkling grin. "Your turn."

The conversation continued along that vein until Spencer couldn't think of any other general questions, so she went for just a little personal. "First girl you ever kissed, and don't feel obligated to answer. And before you ask, mine was Lauren Markecki, behind the bleachers at a football game in eighth grade. To this day I'm pretty sure Kyla's the only other person who knows."

Ashley smirks at the thought of a little thirteen year old Spencer putting the moves on another girl and shrugs good naturedly at her own answer. "Summer after freshman year on vacation. I didn't know her name and had never met her before. She," the brunette pauses, trying to find a way to answer without giving something she wasn't ready to. She looks at Spencer looking at her, concern and something else shimmering in the bright reflection of streetlights in her eyes and realizes how effortlessly comfortable she feels. She realizes that she doesn't _want_ to worry about giving anything away. "She was real, you know?" she finishes finally, "She was real, and solid, and perfect exactly when I needed it." That something was back more strongly in her blue eyes and a light blush was barely visible in the darkness, but rather than be confused Ashley squeezed the arm she was kind of wrapped around and went on. "How old were you when you got your tats?"

They were on their third circuit around the house with Kyla's place just in sight down the street when Ashley built up the courage to throw caution to the wind. The tension that had been present in her blonde companion's shoulders ever since that fist encounter with Juliet that morning was still set between her blades and Ashley has the thought that there are things that she wants to talk about, things she needs to talk about. But these are the kinds of things you have to talk about at a certain time, in a certain way, and with a certain audience. She's about to ask when the phone in Spencer's back pocket goes off, but it's not New Found Glory so Ashley ire at _another _interruption is only half-formed.

The blonde is apologetic when she pulls her arm from Ashley's in order to answer.

"Hello? Hey, R- uh, no, she's not with me," she frowns at whatever she hears. "We broke up 'Ris, that's what happened, then I left with Ky, Ashley and Aiden." She sighs at whatever is said back and reaches up to rub a hand across her forehead, "Well, she hasn't called me." There was a pause, "Have you tried either of her brothers?" A beat. "Yeah, let me know whenever you hear something." A deeper frown, "I don't think she will, but if she does I'll let you know. Okay, you too. Night." She slides the phone shut with a click and groans.

"What's up? Everything okay?" Ashley asks even if she's knows its not.

"I don't know," Spencer puts the phone back in her pocket, "Apparently Juliet didn't go back inside after our 'fight' and now no one can find her."

Even Ashley has to frown at that, "That was like five hours ago, are they just now noticing she's gone?"

"Most of them aren't all that observant if it doesn't involve them directly, besides I guess they thought she was with me," she threaded her fingers together behind her own head. "I hate when she does stuff like this. Christ, Ash," she turns even more contrite eyes on her, "I'm sorry, I was really enjoying this," she gestured between the two of them and sighed. "This whole day has just been so up and down, is it too much to ask for this night to end on a good note?"

Ashley knew from here they would go inside, head to bed and the day would officially be over and no matter how much fun the blonde had in the last five hours, or the brunette had in the last hour, it was indeed ending with a black mark. But this was Spencer's day as much as it had been Ashley's mini-vacation, so, no, she didn't think it was too much to ask for.

Without thinking about it too much she reached forward to wrap her fingers around the lapels of Spencer's jacket and pressed their lips together.

* * *

Yay! Right? :p


	19. Just Might Make Me Believe

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Sorry this took so long. I had it written one way, and then I re-read it and kind of hated it so I scrapped the whole thing and did it this way, which I like a lot more and hopefully you will as well. Thank you all for the lovely reviews.

Please accept this as my Valentine to you.

* * *

It was a chaste kiss, no more than lips pressed against lips for mere seconds but it was enough to put a grin on her face as she was leaning back out of it. Her fingers twitched within the folds of Spencer's jacket, but she kept them there until after the blonde let out the breath she was holding and her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh," she whispered, air puffing out against Ashley's lips. "That was…"

Ashley grinned at the unfocused quality of her blue eyes. "A good note, I hope," she supplied as she uncurled her fingers and smoothed the winkles left there over her collar.

"Yeah," Spencer agreed when Ashley looked back up the blonde was watching her intently, eyes canvassing her face, as if she were looking for something. What it was, and whether or not she found it, Ashley couldn't know because in the next second she was back to smiling, soft and sad, and the brunette was stuck with such an odd sense of déjà vu that she had to mentally shake herself. Spencer took half a step back out of the intimate closeness Ashley's action had brought them into and slipped her hands back into the pockets of her jacket. "Thank you, Ashley," she uttered sincerely, eyes averted and cheeks bright.

The brunette buffed her nails against the front of her hoodie to break the tension, "I do what I can."

"Don't we all," the blonde murmured as she offered her arm back to Ashley and started them toward Kyla's house.

!

Back at the house and in the relative comfort of the guest room's bed, Ashley didn't let herself reflect on her actions. She didn't think about how she had just kissed Spencer out of the blue, simply because the blonde was sad. She didn't think about how she'd just kissed her illegitimate half-sister's best friend hours after she'd gotten out of a relationship with a crazy chick on the night before she was leaving for home on the other side of the country.

She didn't think about how none of that mattered because Spencer was probably one of the most patient and genuine people she'd ever met, she didn't think about how the blonde made her feel at ease and sane. She also didn't think about how she could tell how the blonde was feeling just in the way she smiled, or how the shades of her eyes were as big a tell as if the emotion were written across her face in sharpie. She didn't think about the blonde's body or the way it felt to walk wrapped around her arm or the spastic way she danced in the morning or her scars or her sad, but strong presence.

She didn't think about any of that because wrapped in the knowledge that beautiful, sad Spencer had let her be there for her and hadn't pulled away when she kissed her was almost as comforting as a stranger holding her through her tears in the middle of the night. She didn't think about how that made any sense because the two _felt _the same, and that feeling was enough to put her to sleep with a clear mind and a smile on her face.

!

Spencer pulled the waistband of her flannel pajama bottom down at the same time she lifted the hem of her tank top up so that she could view the tattoo on her left side without obstruction. She traced the outline with the tips of her fingers, feeling the phantom ridge of ink under the skin. She remembers when she got it, a few days before the start of sophomore year, talking to the artist about fate and destiny and souls and angels while he worked and him lifting his own shirt to reveal hugely detailed wings over the planes of his back when he was done, declaring them family. She remembers that session in the parlor being more therapeutic than any psychiatrist her grandmother ever sent her to.

She really should call Dustin and check in.

In the bathroom mirror she was inspecting herself in, Spencer watched as Kyla materializes from around the corner, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and rubbing tiredly at her eyes. "I'm sorry if I woke you," she says in low tones.

"You didn't," Kyla's voice is sleep-heavy and muffled as she slants her hand over her mouth to cover a yawn. "What are you doing?"

But Spencer has tilted her gaze back to the ink on her skin and frowned. "How do you feel about fate, Kyla?" she asks, not for the first time in their friendship.

"This again?" Her dark eyebrows pull together in tired confusion, "We still talking about 'everything happens for a reason' fate? Destiny?" Spencer shrugged and tugged her clothes to hide the tattoo. "I don't know. Maybe? It kind of puts a damper on free will, I think," Kyla answered around another yawn. "Do you think we could talk about this more tomorrow? After I'm actually awake?"

Blue eyes found hers in the mirror and Spencer quirked up the corner of her lip, "Sure."

Kyla knew that face as well as any of the other ones the blonde employed, "Everything alright, Spence?"

"Getting there," she turned to look at her best friend without the reflective surface. "For the first time in a long time I think I'm actually getting there, you know?"

"Sure," she agrees without hesitation but Kyla knew she was too tired to process or really understand. What she did know was what she could see and that was that there was something different about the blonde, something better, like a piece had been snapped back into place. She shook her head at her own thoughts and offered the other girl a smile, then a hand, "Come on, you're exhausted."

"_You're _exhausted," Spencer argued as she stuck out her tongue and Kyla had to grin at the childish tone as the blonde took her hand and exited the bathroom pulling her down the hall towards Kyla's bed room.

The blonde was asleep within minutes, her extremely long day finally catching up to her even as she kicked at the blankets of Kyla's bed. Her best friend took a bit longer from her side, comfortable in the knowledge that the other girl was within arm's reach and safe. She watched her for a second as Spencer's lips curled into a smile.

Yeah, something was definitely different.

!

She awoke when the edge of the bed next to her dipped and a hand gently shook her shoulder. Spencer grinned down at her and Kyla reached blindly for her alarm clock, glaring 7:45 at her. "Wha-" she blinked and fell back into her bed, "There's no way you're awake right now."

"I'm going to church with your mom, you want to come with?"

The brunette rolled over and glared at Spencer's straightened hair and light blue button down shirt, "I don't think so."

"You're choice," she squeezed Kyla's shoulder and stood up, "Be back in an hour or so."

The door clicked shut behind her and the girl still in bed buried her face in the pillow until she heard the garage door whirl close beneath her. She bathed in the silence of the house and Spencer's words from last night came unbidden to her mind.

Fate.

When was the last time Spencer had brought that up?

Not long before she had left for California, if she remembered correctly. It was a conversation the blonde liked to have with people, not to flaunt her own beliefs but to get a sense of who she was talking to. People always tended to be so strongly opinionated about the most abstract things and Kyla knew how much Spencer loved pushing the right buttons to get people talking.

But that? That was different. That wasn't Spencer trying to start a conversation, or lead a discussion. That was her being self-reflecting. And the tattoo, why was she looking at the wings?

Kyla didn't know the story behind them. She never asked because it never felt like her place, but she had seen the sketches Spencer had done before settling on the design she had permanently inked into her skin. She had an entire book of the blonde's sketches, given to her the past summer as a way for Spencer to explain without talking what had been going on inside her head.

It was Eileen's idea, brilliant psychologist that she was, in an attempt to get Spencer's feelings and dark emotions out before they completely overcame her. Everything just happened so fast. First Kyla's boyfriend, Jamison, inadvertently outing Spencer to the whole school leading to her grandparents finding out. Them being the stanch Catholics that they were, sent her off to that fucking camp that set her into a spiral that ended in self-harm and loathing. The oh-so-deep cutting accident, Grandpa Quinlin death and Grandma Q's break down. Then, bam, foster care because Spencer's Grandma was in the process of having her will changed when her heart gave out and the courts couldn't decide what to do with her.

Kyla wasn't stupid, those sketches, that form of therapy, made a huge difference to Spencer, but it was after all of that happened that the blonde started talking about fate.

She frowned as something niggled at the back of her mind and she reached underneath her bed for the thing that might hold the answers.

!

Ashley woke up to silence and the clock on the wall telling her it was almost nine in the morning. She left the room feeling good, but her pace slowed when she heard no noise from the rest of the house.

The couch that Aiden had slept on boasted folded blankets and a note that said he'd gone for a run. She wondered if Spencer had gone with him, but didn't put much thought into it. Quietly she made her way through the hall and into the kitchen, but again no one was around After a brief debate with herself, she took the stairs to the second floor and gently knocked on Kyla's bedroom door. There was a faint 'come in' from the other side which granted Ashley the sight of the younger brunette sitting cross-legged on her own bed, gazing down at a flat object on her lap.

A closer look showed that it was a sketchpad, similar to the one Spencer had been holding when Ashley had first met her in the school. Kyla was running her fingers gently along the spine, but her mind didn't appear to be on the task. Ashley knocked on the open door once more, trying again to get the smaller girl's attention.

Unfocused brown eyes looked up and the younger girl offered her an attempt at a smile, "Hey Ashley, did you need something?"

"No," she took a step into the room, "Just wondering where everyone is."

"Oh, uh," she glanced at the clock, "Mom and Spencer are probably still at church and Aiden should be downstairs."

"He went for a run, I think," Ashley let the silence settle over them like an awkward cloud. She tried to remember a moment where the two if them had ever been alone together, but can't think of one. There had always been someone to act as a buffer, usually Aiden, and after Ashley initial reaction to Kyla the younger had never sought out the other girl without some kind of bodyguard, again usually Aiden.

She nodded once, as something to do, but Kyla's eyes had dropped back to the object in her lap and she was no longer paying attention.

"Okay then, I guess I'll go back down-"

"Do you believe in fate?"

Ashley started at the interruption and blinked, "Um, wow, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it before."

Kyla half-sighed/half-laughed, "Spend enough time with Spencer and you will."

"I'm sorry?" the elder frowned.

"Nothing, never mind," she shook her head, "Except that-" she sighed again and there was a brief struggle written across her face. "It's just the way things happen, Spence likes to think they happen for a reason, you know?"

"That makes sense." Ashley began to wonder if she was ever going to get a straight answer.

Kyla's chin dropped to her chest and she just breaths for a second before it all comes tumbling out, "She's not perfect, right? She has issues and things are kind of dinged up a bit, but she's still my best friend, okay? So when I'm telling you this, it isn't like a breech of confidence or anything, it's just, I don't know, something you need to know to _get _Spencer, okay?"

She looked up for the again and from her look Ashley got that there was an actual question at the end of that rambling, so she nods even though she doesn't quite know what she's agreeing with.

"She's got … damage, right?" Kyla breaths out heavily and taps her thumbs nervously against the cover of the pad.

The elder regards the tension in the air like a living thing and flashes to the scars on Spencer's wrists and thighs and what the blonde said about Kyla's worrying. Wanting to be on the same page and desperate not to mix any messages she looks down and twists her fingers together, "You mean her cutting?"

Kyla looked like she was stuck somewhere between laughing and crying, "She told you about that?"

"I saw," Ashley shrugged, uncomfortable with the way the other girl was looking at her.

"Right," she nodded like that was a much better alternative to Spencer talking to someone else about it. "Okay, so Spence doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff… to anyone, so my mom convinced her to get it out some other way." She brushed the tips of her fingers across the top of the sketchpad and glanced back at Ashley still-confused face. "That camp she was sent to, it seriously messed her up. Those people that ran it, they made her feel … wrong somehow. Like she wasn't good enough or something. They took the most beautiful person I'd ever met and convinced her that she was ugly on the inside."

That thought stuck a cord deep inside Ashley and she let the twinge cross her face. It picked at a memory that she was unprepared to deal with in her half-sister's presence, so she shook her head and frowned as well, "I don't understand."

"They made her hate herself, convinced her that she was _wrong_, that until she repented and changed she was unworthy of the good things in her life. Like her friends, or her family, or even the way she looks. But you know as well as I do you can't change who you are, so when nothing worked she pushed everyone away and started punishing herself."

Ashley felt hollow, and disgusted that there were people in the world that would do that to another human being, especially someone who was just trying to find herself in the world. She knew how hard it was to be a gay teen, but she had only ever had to deal with her mother's indifference and the snide remarks of Madison and people like her. Of course she _knew _how hard it could be, knew about those kinds of camps and hate-crimes and shit like that, but maybe LA's less than vanilla view on sexuality had convinced her that things like that didn't happen anymore. Or at least it didn't happen to people that she knew. People that she was starting to care about.

"She was convinced she could be okay if she could only make herself -"

"Ugly on the outside," Ashley murmured, crossing her arms reflexively as she pressed her fingers to her sternum.

Kyla blinked and frowned, "Yeah." Her half-sister was looking down but Kyla got the feeling she was more focused inward. "It got pretty bad before anyone really noticed, but her gramps was getting really sick and her grandma just couldn't deal so my mom offered to take us on vacation, get us away from everything for a little while. It turned out to be exactly what she needed, something… changed our last night there."

Ashley heard everything like it was coming at her through a dense fog and she shook her head because she was convinced it was the only motion she could make.

"From the first moment we'd met I felt like I knew you already," Kyla abruptly changing the topic and Ashley head swam at the new tone of her voice. "At first I thought it was a connection that we had, you know, sisters and the powers that be and all that, but," she grinned mirthlessly at Ashley's completely lost expression, "Spence asked me about fate last night and I thought about the first time she asked me that."

"I," Ashley pressed her palms against her closed eyelids and ducked her head, "I have no idea what any of that was supposed to mean. Why?" she swallowed and resisted the urge to cover her ears and try to stop the whirl of thoughts in her head. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

Kyla's lips parted in thought before she slipped her fingers into the pages of the sketchbook. "I could never figure out what was going on in her head, and on that vacation, when things changed for her, I couldn't believe it." Her smile was watery as she caught Ashley's chocolate eyes and flipped open the pad, "People don't just heal from that kind of hurt. So, she gave me this to try and explain."

She stood and showed the open page to Ashley. The drawing was rough and simple and it showed an impossibly young and vulnerable girl that she hadn't seen in the mirror for _years, _but there was no doubt about who's eyes and mouth and face that could be. The older girl felt her own breathing stop because staring back at her sketched in startling clarity and charcoal was herself .

"I told you all that because I want to know," Kyla pressed the pad into Ashley's shaking hands, "Do you believe in fate?"

* * *

Thoughts?


	20. 999 Sure I've Never Been Here Before

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

So, here's the deal you AWESOME people you, let me scrape my jaw off the floor and just say: da-amn, you guys (shakes finger) you guys…I'm speechless, seriously.

I tried to get this out earlier, but two of the guys at my lab decided the flu would be a fun thing to have so overtime (yay, not). Also, Happy (belated) Birthday to a lovely reviewer Mehhnobigs, I hope it was fantastic.

And I hope _this_ lives up to expectation.

* * *

Ashley didn't take the sketchpad from Kyla. In fact, she didn't do much of anything but stare down at the charcoal rendering of herself and feel her mind go blank. Then she folded her hands across her stomach and turned on her heel, walking out of the room and down the stairs without once breaking stride.

Kyla watched her go with a frown on her face. '_Drat_,' she thought, flipping the art book closed and trapping it against her chest with her arms. Maybe this was why Spencer was always telling her to think things through before she acted.

_Have a plan,_ the blonde would always say, _have a plan and have another plan for when the first one didn't work_.

'A plan,' she snorted to herself because what good would a plan do her if she didn't even have a _goal _in mind. Seriously, what had she hoped to accomplish with all that dramatic crap? Certainly not Ashley's retreat. But then what would she have done if the older girl had responded in the opposite fashion? She'd already asked Spencer to back off, made it clear to her best friend her position on the not-a-relationship. Except that things were quickly being taken out of obvious control and onto something of a higher power.

There was so much to this that she didn't know. Didn't understand.

It was time for Kyla's well-used, default Plan B and she knew it. With a sigh she tossed the pad onto her bed and reached for her phone.

!

_They took the most beautiful person I'd ever met and convinced her that she was ugly on the inside._

Ashley stood under the spray of the water long after she had finished with her shower. It was a quiet place to think, to gather her scattered thoughts and try and put them in some sort of logical order. Everything Kyla had said was bouncing around in her mind but there were certain things that she kept refocusing on. She thought on the sketch of herself, thought about the implication. What _was_ the implication?

She and Spencer had met before. Or Spencer had seen her and something had happened for her to leave an impression on the blonde. The impression of a sad, scared girl. Or maybe not, maybe Spencer was the kind of artist that would just notice things, notice people and be able to recreate from images in her own mind. Except that Kyla had implied that the sketches in the book held some sort of significance to the blonde so she probably wouldn't be in there if it didn't mean _something_.

_They took the most beautiful person I'd ever met and convinced her that she was ugly on the inside._

It was like all the pieces were right there in front of her and all they needed were to be put together to form the whole picture. But what if the whole picture wasn't something she wanted to see? What if it meant something she couldn't deal with?

Because this wasn't some stranger on the other side of the country that she would never see again, this was _Spencer_, Kyla's best friend. This was, that was … insane.

Ashley didn't trust people, almost on instinct. It was more than a little difficult for her to let people in because she had been burned so many times by the people that were supposed to be on her side unconditionally: her mother, her father, her best friend and the boyfriend that had impregnated her. Although Aiden had made his way back in eventually he was the only one who had tried.

But Spencer? Spencer had to just _be _there and Ashley felt at ease. That didn't happen, not on the first time meeting someone.

So maybe the thought that they had met before was there on both sides, as well as the thought that something significant had happened. But she hadn't been lying that time at the school when she told Spencer she would have remembered if they'd ever met before, and Spencer had said the same thing. The only hugely significant event that had happened to her where she hadn't truly seen the other girl's face was…

_I want to be as ugly on the outside as I feel on the inside_

_They took the most beautiful person I'd ever met and convinced her that she was ugly on the inside_

Ashley leant forward to let the warm water pour down the back of her neck and squeezed her eyes shut, and took one more shaky breath. No. No, because see, things like that just don't happen. Spencer couldn't be the stranger on the boat. She couldn't be the one Ashley poured her heart and soul out to through her tears in the middle of the night. She couldn't be because Spencer was _real_, she was… That was not possible, right? How does something like that even happen?

_Do you believe in fate?_

Ashley wanted to laugh because even if she didn't believe in it, Fate seemed to definitely believe in her.

!

"What _exactly_ did you say to her?"

Kyla dropped her head into her hands and pouted at the kitchen table. "I told you already and it isn't going to change no matter how many times you ask me."

The other person sighed and the chair clattered as she fell into it. "Oh honey, I know you were trying to help but you must realize that you can't force those kinds of things." Eileen reached across the table to hold her daughter's hands in her own. "Some people need to work things out on their own or else they did not respond well to the sudden influx of knowledge."

The smaller girl's forehead hit the surface with a dull _thud_ and Eileen actually laughed. Ashley appeared in the doorway to the kitchen in her glasses and looking freshly scrubbed. The mother offered her a small smile even as she patted her own daughter on the back of her head, "Spencer should be out front with Aiden, sweetie."

Ashley nodded once and spared a glance at Kyla's slumped form before disappearing once more down the hall towards the front.

Kyla's head shifted and Eileen was suddenly looking down into her daughter's slightly accusing eyes, "You knew, didn't you?"

The older woman lowered her upper body until she matched the younger's posture and they were staring at one another eye-to-eye with their chins both resting on the table top. She cupped her hands over Kyla's cheeks affectionately and smiled, "Spencer has more than one sketchbook, honey, and I've seen them all."

!

Ashley found Spencer sitting on the front steps with Aiden standing in front of her on the walkway. Whatever they're talking about ends as soon as the front door swings open and the boy's attention is drawn away from the blonde. Ashley stands there awkwardly for a moment, two sets of concerned looking eyes on her and she falters.

It's Spencer that speaks up, though not to her, "We'll talk later, Aid?"

He tilts his head to one side, looking between them and Ashley feels her chest tighten at the distinctly Spencer-esque motion on her oldest friend. "Sure," he finally agrees taking the steps and rubbing the top of the blonde's head as he passes her. She swats at his leg with a 'hey!' and he laughs as he reaches out to squeeze Ashley shoulder.

Spencer was pulling her hair into a quick ponytail when Ashley sat down next to her. "So..."

"So," the blonde repeated, clasping her hands between her knees and giving the other girl a side-long glance.

"You, uh," she glanced at the space between them on the porch where Spencer's phone lay. "Have you heard about Juliet yet?"

"Yeah," her hand twitched like she going to pick up the device but decided against it. "Marissa called last night, apparently Jules showed up at her brother Mike's apartment, swallowed a fourth of a bottle of Jack and passed out on the couch."

"Ouch," Ashley winced, "She going to be okay?"

Spencer's shoulders jerked up at the same time her eyes dropped, "She'll probably be sick for a few days, but after that, who knows."

The brunette hummed in response but instead of continuing with that thread of thought she gestured weakly outward, "Would you want to go on a walk? Or …something?"

Spencer stood and offered her hand to Ashley, but the smaller girl choose to push herself up and walk passed her, drawn too much inward to notice the hurt look. The blonde blew out a breath, rolled her eyes skyward and mentally counted backwards from ten before moving to catch up.

"Something on your mind, Ashley?" Spencer asked after a long moment of silence.

She twisted her fingers together as a distraction before murmuring lowly, "Kyla showed me your sketchpad."

"She told me."

Ashley wasn't sure why that information surprised her, but it did. "Oh." She went silent again, not quite sure how to start this conversation or even of she wanted to.

The blonde gave her another chance. "Something else on your mind?"

She frowned and told herself it was like ripping off a band-aid, do it quickly and get over the awkwardness faster. The longer she dragged it out the harder it would be. "We've met before."

Spencer nodded and pulled back her shoulders slightly to put just a tad more distance between them, "Yeah we have."

"It was- wait," she swung her herself around to face Spencer with her jaw dropped, "You knew?" The blonde was glad for the space when Ashley's arm missed her by a centimeter when she nodded. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Shocked by the hardness in the question Spencer immediately went on the defensive, "What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Ashley, not sure if you remember me, but I pulled you off a railing when it looked like you were going to jump from back of a cruise liner into the icy depths below, you doing better?'" Ashley's face paled at the confirmation of her wayward thoughts and Spencer cussed under her breath at her own response. She sighed at the other girl's semi-lost look and tipped to nudge her shoulder against the brunette and break her stillness. "Come on, Ash, that's not something you bring up over coffee. That's like," she waved a hand, "third date material, second date if you stretch it."

Ashley snorted despite herself and then tried to control her features, "Don't try and make me laugh. I'm mad at you."

"Why?"

"You should have said something."

"Maybe," Spencer shrugged in a what's done is done sort of manner. "Maybe it was a little selfish of me to want you to recognize me on your own, but can you blame me? That was a hard night for both of us and if you weren't ready to face it, to face me as that girl, then, I wasn't prepared to force it."

Ashley's jaw clenched at the new information and she took a moment to rearrange her thoughts. "When," Spencer let her work through the thought, "when did you… recognize me?"

"Uh," Spencer rubbed at the back of her neck and puffed out her cheeks in thought. "Friday, at school," she finally answered with a slight wince despite her attempts at nonchalance.

Ashley stopped in her tracks. "Friday?" she reiterated shrilly, sputtering at the blonde's answering shrug. "But you said-"

"That I would remember meeting you," she opened her hands, "And I did."

"How?"

Spencer cut her blue eyes at the other girl but stopped just the same and turned to face her fully. She took a moment to trace Ashley's face with her gaze, something she had done several times over the last two and a half days the brunette realized, and answered softly. "Your voice is pretty unique, soft but kind of raspy. I thought it was because you were crying the first time, but it's just the way you talk, like you're leaking charm." Ashley felt her breath catch at the blonde's words. "You smile the same," gently she reached out a hand to brush along Ashley's cheek where she knew a dimple appeared when she smiled too widely. "It changes your whole face, but it's still outlined in sadness. Except when you laugh, for real laugh, because your nose crinkles. Right here," she touched the pad of her thumb to the bridge of the other girl's nose.

Ashley felt her eyes flutter closed as she unconsciously leant into the blonde when her voice dimmed to an almost murmur. "And you, uh," her eyes and fingers dropped lower until she could run her thumb under the brunette's lower lip. Her gaze was almost azure and she swallowed heavily before pulling her hand away and completely withdrawing from Ashley's personal space. "You," she cleared her throat, "You wear my hoodie a lot."

Still disoriented from the blonde's touch, it took her a moment to catch that last part but when she did she felt her body flush for an entirely different reason than moments before. Her stomach clenched in embarrassment and she clapped her hands over her face to hide the blush, "Oh my God."

Spencer couldn't stop the nervous laughter that bubbled up at the abrupt change in demeanor and was more than a little grateful at the distraction. "What? Why 'oh my God'?"

"It's embarrassing," Ashley moaned, glaring out through her fingers at the blonde's amusement.

But Spencer shrugged and stopped chuckling long enough to pull the digits from Ashley's face and give them a small squeeze, "Why?"

She took a moment to think about it. It was embarrassing because anyone would look at it as a little creepy that she was still wearing an article of clothing she got from a stranger. Plus she wore it without thought and used it like a child's security blanket or a boyfriend's letter jacket. And to see someone wearing their clothes in that manner, multiple times in such a short period of time would inevitably draw the wrong conclusions from any one.

Except that it was Spencer, and if anyone was going to understand the truth behind the obvious it was probably going to be her.

Finally she flexed her fingers for the blonde to let go and shook her head, cheeks still tinted red and eyes downcast, "Do you want it back? I mean, it is yours after all."

"No." Spencer grinned and gestured for them to continue walking. "It's looks better on you, I'm sure. Besides," she let the grin fall into a teasing smirk, "I would hate to deprive someone of their 'comfort hoodie'."

Her blush returned with renewed vigor and she would have gone back to covering her face but Spencer had grabbed her wrist to prevent it and to keep her moving in their walk. "Who told you?" she asked, stonily ignoring the heat of her face and blue eyes.

"Aiden may have mentioned it." She let go of Ashley, slipped her hands in her front pockets and shrugged.

"Aiden may have to die."

Spencer laughed, bright and clear, and leant to touch her shoulder to Ashley's, "I may have asked. I'm glad you still wear it though, Ashley, glad it can still provide comfort when you're feeling overwhelmed." She clenched her jaw like she was physically stopping herself from continuing and then smiled reservedly at the brunette. They walked a few more moments in silence, Ashley attempting to process and Spencer content in the quiet.

"It's not the hoodie, really," the brunette spoke to the air in front of her, seeing Spencer turn slightly to her from the corner of her eye. "It's kind of like, I don't know, the memory it holds or just the idea that there's someone in the world that would be there for me when I needed them to be. Kind of like a sign from the universe," she raised one shoulder and let it fall in a smooth motion.

Spencer pressed her lips together but didn't offer a reply.

"You saved my life that night, you know." Ashley finally confessed, stopping completely in the middle of the sidewalk and waiting the four heartbeats it took for Spencer to stop as well.

With her back to the other girl, the blonde raised her forearms until she could stare down at the inside of her wrists. "So much of our lives, yours and mine, wasn't about want we wanted. We never asked for what happen to us but it did. In moments of desperation we scramble to seize control, to have an option where we get to choose the next moment in our lives." She flexed her hands and dropped her arms, "You weren't going to jump, even if I hadn't been there, you're too stubborn to let other people drag you down to that level. It was never about jumping, Ash, it was about control," she turned and looked Ashley in the eye. "You were in control that night, and you're in control now and that's all you."

"What were you doing there that night?" Ashley asked after a pause, the thought occurring to her for the first time. "Why were you back there?"

"I was …tired," Spencer drew her fingers over her face and started walking again, just slow enough for Ashley to catch up. "I was just cracks away from breaking. It wasn't a choice for me and it wasn't about control. I hated everything in that moment and I was so, so angry."

Ashley casts back her memory to that night, but all she can remember is the way she felt and blue eyes. Sad, empty blue eyes. "Spencer…"

But she wasn't listening. "Before that, whenever I would look in the mirror I would see everything that camp made me out to be and I would hate myself more and more. But then that happened and you and, and suddenly I could hear your voice and I could see myself how you must have seen me that night, not the physical, but everything else and I'd heal, bit by bit, until I could look myself in the eye and be okay." Ashley reached out and grabbed Spencer by the elbow, forcing the blonde to face her. It took a moment for her gather herself enough to look into chocolate eyes but she did. "What I'm trying to say, Ashley, is that if your life was saved that night, then it wasn't the only one."

"Oh," Ashley blinked and Spencer flushed at the way she was being looked at. She tied to pull back but Ashley twisted her fingers in Spencer's shirt and squeezed, keeping her exactly where she was. She hesitated, she thought about it and she kept her eyes on Spencer's. Everything she remembered about that night was about how that stranger, how Spencer, had been there for her.

She never thought about how she had been there for Spencer.

So she stops thinking, stops hesitating and just reacts. She let go of the material around Spencer's elbows and slipped her arms fully around her middle. She set her head against the blonde's collar and feels her breath hitch, her shoulders stiffen and her chin jerk. But then she being surrounded by arms and heat and that feeling of safety that she felt for the first time that summer between her freshman and sophomore years settles over her once more.

Spencer's breathy laughter is muffled in Ashley's hair, but that is not nearly as comforting as the steady _thump-thump-thump_ of the heartbeat she can feel with her whole body.


	21. Fin

Title: Damaged

Summary: Everyone is damaged, she explained, but not everyone is broken. Ashley never thought that going back to Baltimore with Kyla would bring her face-to-face with the one person who made her feel like she wasn't broken.

Disclaimer: I don't own SoN. What I do own is a computer and the amazing ability to not do what I am supposed to with my time.

AN: Alright, all you amazingly fantastic people out there in internet land. This is it, the end of it. I want to apologize for how long this took to get out. For as long as I've had this story in my head I hadn't realized until after I posted the last chapter that I had never thought passed it. There was no plan for how I was going to end this so I have about seven different starts for this last part on my computer that were not what I wanted at all. It was really frustrating, plus there are things going on in my life that, while I won't get into it here, weren't letting me get in the proper mind for writing what I wanted to write and I don't really have anyone here to talk things like that through and definitely no one with which I could talk this story out with. And while things aren't necessarily _better_ I didn't want to leave this unfinished, like I have a terrible habit of doing.

I didn't want this to be another one of those pieces. This story has meant too much to me, many of you have mean too much to me to let it go like that. I started this to work through some things I was dealing with and it's been a form of catharsis, so to speak. People tends to write what they know and, while this is in no way, shape or form based on anything even resembling a true story, there are elements that are more personal than others involved. I needed to finish this. For better or worse, I did (although I sincerely hope for the better).

I started to go back through and reread the reviews because I actually wanted to thank everyone who had ever took the time to sit down and type one out. I got a little teary-eyed, for real. I just, I don't know how exactly to thank everyone except to post this and hope against hope that you like it. Two years is a long time to wait for this, but I'm so glad you all stuck it out with me. Seriously, I want to find you all and give you great big hugs (that's not creepy, right?)

* * *

Ashley leant her shoulder against the doorframe and let the heat from the coffee mug warm her hands. She lifted the mug to take a sip, not letting her eyes stray from the sight in front of her. She grinned, lips curling around the ceramic edge and marveled at the journey that got her here, to this place at this moment. It hadn't been easy, not by any stretch of the imagination, what with the things that needed to have happened to throw them together. Miscarriages, accidents, deaths, adulterous parents and tragedy lined the path they took but with the sight before her Ashley couldn't bring herself to regret a single moment.

The blonde girl that lay curled around Ashley's pillow and tangled in their sheets shifted in her sleep and her eyelids fluttered but the brunette knew she wouldn't wake up until the alarm clock went off. Ashley let her eyes trail over the oh so familiar features of the blonde's face, down the slope of her neck and across the newly stained plane of her shoulder that was left exposed by the cut of her white tank top. That weekend in Baltimore felt so far away and the idea that she could have looked into Spencer's bright, blue eyes even once and not known exactly who she was such a foreign concept that the musician had to shake her head at herself sometimes.

She grimaced when she thought of all the drama Spencer had been dealing with that weekend. As if a semi-psychotic girlfriend and a State championship weren't enough, the legal battle over her custody that had been simmering in the background since her grandmother's death had also weighed prominently on her mind. Her social worker, a kind but over-worked woman by the name of Janice, had informed her via letter that the courts would make a decision about her guardianship sometime in the following week.

Originally the blonde was supposed to go to Jerry Carlin, her father's brother, who had raised her elder brother after her parents' accident. And that would have been fine, except they lived in St. Louis, almost a thousand miles away from everything Spencer knew and loved. At seventeen she was more than a little upset by the idea of having to pick up her whole life and start over. Eileen, ever brilliant and maternal Eileen, had jumped at the chance to offer her own home, as the girl had already secured her place in her heart years before. The woman was a professional with a steady job and strong relationship with the blonde, citing that the girl was practically her daughter in all but genetics anyway. The judge ruling the case was wary, especially when certain things were brought to light, like the reparative camp, Spencer's cutting, her suicidal thoughts and self-destructive behaviors.

But what he couldn't argue with was Eileen's role in helping Spencer out of that darkness, which was more extensive than even Kyla had known about. It was the deciding factor for the judge. Spencer stayed in Baltimore with Eileen for her senior year and was able to complete high school with all her friends. Or rather, most of them as her best friend was back on the West coast with her two newest friends that were quickly becoming more and more important to her.

Spencer and Aiden were like two peas in a pod, with so much in common (mostly girls and sports) that the blonde was quickly elevated to the 'bro' level. Most of their interactions were limited to social networks on-line though, and they usually only talked on the phone when there was a major sporting event happening that meant something to both Coasts, or, you know, when Aiden needed advice about Kyla or girls in general. As for Kyla, the petite brunette had gotten more busy their senior year when she had started volunteering at shelters but still made time to talk to her best friend on the other side of the country several times a week, if not more. On-line or over the phone, the were always caught up on each other's lives.

But again, with Ashley it was different. Starting with the first few 'getting to know you/20 Question' texts in the weeks following their return from Baltimore it evolved quickly into something more. Then throughout the last year of high school it was rare that a day would pass without some sort of contact with Spencer Carlin. Texts were for quick conversations about nothing, but they could also talk for hours on the phone about everything.

Ashley had never had anyone in her life like the blonde, someone who would drop everything to answer a call and talk about stupid viral videos for an hour so that the musician had time to build up to the important stuff. She'd also never been that person for anyone else before Spencer. But there she was, listening to camp horror stories or about nightmares or the few memories the blonde had of her parents. And she cared, seriously freaking _cared_, about every single word. Until that point it was easy to pretend Spencer was just a friend, a _very _good friend, but just a friend nonetheless. But once she realized that? It changed her.

Spencer was still in Baltimore, though, on the other side of the country so things were unlikely to ever actually amount to anything. Not like Aiden and Kyla who were located in the same zip code and therefore (after permission from Ashley which stemmed from prodding from Spencer) able to date, and they did, starting a week or so before the start of their senior year.

It was a tough time for the eldest daughter of Raife Davies.

And while things were looking alright in LA they weren't so shiny on the East Coast. Marissa and Val hadn't lasted much past the end of their Junior year, especially with the blowout they had over Juliet and her erratic behavior. Marissa, a girl who had been in the system for a while and had seen quite a bit, was under the impression that Juliet needed help for her drinking, her eating disorder, her mood swings and bouts of depression whereas Val was all about making excuses for her friend and didn't like the implication that she wasn't enough for her. The blonde couldn't be blamed for wanting to remain in her blissful state of ignorance, not entirely in any state, Juliet had been her best friend since kindergarten and no one wants to believe there is anything wrong with the people they care about the most. Spencer had tried her damnedest to stay out of the whole ordeal, and she had succeeded for the most part, until her ex showed up on her doorstep after midnight one Saturday about halfway through their senior year. The athlete had actually been on the phone with Ashley at the time, who was stuck at home by herself while Kyla and Aiden were out on a date. Spencer was offering suggestions about what the West coast girl could do with her evening when she suddenly had a drunk and disheveled Juliet throwing up in her toilet and crying, curled up in a ball on her bathroom floor.

Ashley had been in such a state by the time that her half-sister and best friend had gotten back that Kyla immediately dismissed Aiden to sit with the older girl and figure out what the hell was going on. That was the night that Ashley told Kyla about kissing Spencer in Baltimore to which the smaller girl replied: "Yeah? Spencer told me about that months ago." It was also the night Ashley admitted out loud that she might actually _like _Spencer and that was why she was freaking out (just a little) about the blonde being on the other side of the country with her crazy ass, drunk ex-girlfriend. Kyla's response for this was a sarcastic smile, a pat on the shoulder, and "_No_, you think?"

That stress didn't go away until late the next night when the blonde finally called her back. There was a moment, Ashley remembers, when she seriously contemplated ignoring the ringtone, letting it go to voicemail, and making Spencer feel a semblance of what she had gone through the night before. She hadn't, of course, and she let the blonde explain what was going on in a worn-out and dull voice that made Ashley feel hollow inside. Spencer only ever gave her an overview of that night, saying that the things that happened were for Juliet to talk about but she had made it a point to let Ashley know that although much had happened, nothing had happened _between_ the two. Ashley believed her without question.

Another first.

The year ended without much fanfare, except for the day that Ashley pulled into her driveway to find an unfamiliar rental car parked in her spot and a very familiar blonde sitting on her front steps talking with Kyla and looking for all the world like she was made for the California sunshine. Spencer's skills on the field had garnered the attention of several college recruiters, including UCLA, and she and Eileen figured it would be nice to get a tour of the campus the blonde might be calling home for the next four years.

That weekend, showing the two around LA had been the most fun the California native had had in years. Even with the little hiccup on the last night when Ashley, Aiden and Kyla took Spencer to Grays and the blonde was sought out by Carmen Mendez. The thin Latina wedged her way between Ashley and Spencer and without so much as glance at the other brunette and pulled the East coast girl onto the jam-packed dance floor. It took Kyla finding her sister muttering darkly into a glass at the bar to shake the older girl out of her state of mind. The fashionista pointed out Spencer's 'Dear Lord, some one save me now' look and informed Ashley that if she didn't step in soon the smaller girl was going to make Aiden do it. And, seriously, how awkward would that be?

As far as Ashley knows, that was the first time she's even initiated a hug with Kyla.

She and Spencer hadn't started any kind of relationship that night, they couldn't really because there was still time before anything definite was decided with the University and the blonde was heading back to Baltimore for at _least _five more months in the morning with no guarantee where she would be after that. But she did shut down any hopes Carmen may have had for that night with the blonde, which made the statement that without defining it, there was definitely _something_ there in the space between the two of them. And that was enough, for the time.

It was weeks after that, on the phone with Ashley once more, that the blonde opened her letter of intent from UCLA and asked if Ashley thought she would look good in blue and gold. Ashley had tears in her eyes and they must have been in her voice as well, because the athlete had picked up on it right away. "Hold onto to those tears," the blonde whispered through the phone, her own voice thick, "I'll be there soon to wipe them away." Which of course made her cry harder.

After that it was Ashley opening the file that gave her the name of her randomly assigned roommate (which was only happened because of Eileen and her weird desires for them all them all to have "the proper college experience" ). So, personal saviors during the apex of crisis, strangers meeting through happenstance and a mutual social contact and then randomly paired roommates at their freshman year at UCLA.

Fate was one persistent mistress and who was Ashley Davies to argue with the driving force of the Universe?

All of that, every moment, brought her here. No, it wasn't easy, not even those first two years in college when they were actually together, but damn it all if it wasn't worth it.

The alarm sounded, a low but relentless beeping noise that was silenced almost as soon as it started. Spencer stretched under the sheets and Ashley hid another smile at the semi-confused hand movements over the empty space where she normally slept.

Sleep darkened blue eyes sought her out. "You are awfully far away," Spencer rumbled in her just-woke-up tones and closed her eyes once more, relaxing back into the mattress. "You need to not be so far away."

Ashley grinned more widely and made her way fully into the bedroom. Setting the mug down on the side table next to the alarm clock, she sat down on the edge of the bed next to the other girl and gazed down at the exposed upper right shoulder where a lightly lined script tattoo was at the end stage of healing. All black except the thin line of red snug around the 'a', _Fate _was there, branded forever onto Her faithful believer. It's twin adorned the inside of the musicians left wrist, though the color outlining the lettering was a deep blue. She let her fingertips travel the length of Spencer's tattoo before following the same path with her lips, whispering 'I love you' between each kiss.

When she was done, Spencer twisted until she was on her back and able to slide a free hand into thick, brown curls and pull the other girl down into a proper kiss. "I love you, too," she breathed, voice vibrating along Ashley's lips due to their proximity. The brunette smiled widely and pressed herself fully into the other girl. Every cracked piece of herself she'd ever felt pressed up against her heart like the railing of the cruise liner had pressed against the soft flesh of her stomach on the night they first met fit perfectly against every one of Spencer's jagged pieces. Damaged, but not broken, she fit against Spencer like they made for one another.

Every moment, every tear, every heartbreak was worth it.

If only for this, right here, right now.

* * *

Thank you again to everyone who has ever reviewed/faved/alerted this fic.

From the first to the last, you all are incredible (anyone I miss, I'm SOOOO sorry and if I misspell your name I'm blaming autocorrect). Julia S., niecyx3, .HEART, katshark, wannabebo352, ladytink2011, Nighthawk88, Perfectsam1, YinYangTwin1, sugarrush78, lalalalee, soulstealer247, Sora-Hikari, KITTYKAT, , Noodlesmls, DarkHues, AbsoluteGarbage, Baley-fo-life, hugbudd13, Tvat, Anonona, off kilter, iknowhow, DushkusBitch, sonmcrtlwuuh, seyheysteviery, Bree, exist2believe, bitten2, hellooooo23, ashikinz, scooby2771, Doesitmeanjustice, slushhy, lez4life695, FRED, Aerize, booIczu, eMK, henessaycarter, JJ, justjibz, Isebella.E, kaila5707, KindainlovewithShadowStars, Elly1212, eternallymontyp, Anon, me, Alena, 14faraday, rookie802, PLLgleefan11, BlueRagingRaven, mkylsmth, Inmyownwords92, Wheezer, InMyArms6176196, Hmmmm, BlackanYellow, kahlelatara, ashleyss27, nwlifenwworld123, Reader, and .I Talk-2-Evil Little Pixies. (awesome name btw)

Breakdown: dearest, unfortunately this is the end, but I glad you enjoyed it.

shiftingaxiom: even "lazy assed appreciator"s are severely appreciated

annie: sorry for invading your subconscious, I'll try and control that better from now on :P

your,kat: you, dear heart, are a saint. Now that I'm done writing for a bit I can finally continue tackling your epic work

Allsmiles18, ConnieLaxer12: thanks for being super reviewers and also for letting my know my wikipedia search skills are spot on with the Lacrosse terms lol

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: holy heck! You read this? *bows down in awe* Thank you!

Lnkmstr10, Irishgrl33, suspenceme, mehnobigs: you guys are some of the most consistent reviewers I know and seeing your names always put a smile on my face. Thank you so much.

Xvolcom11x: you have a dirty mouth. I feel like I needed to tell you that. Thanks for making me laugh. You're aces.

xwpblue: I hope you get your Ashley Davies too. Thank you for being awesome.

Imaferrari, , WillowOn3, Sparklyleathers08 : damn, you guys write some epic reviews. I think my co-workers think I'm crazy with the way I would smile while reading them. I can't thank you enough.

Stephybearx, T: thanks for sticking with me from the beginning. You guys are amazing.

CMangaFan. I don't know if you are still reading this story, but I need you to know you're amazing and I wish only the very best for you. Thank you. And you should have talked to me! I would have loved it!

Conscious: I have a terrible feeling you don't read this anymore. But I need to thank you for everything in the beginning of this. I hope everything worked out for you the way you wanted it to.

I love you, guys. Legit.

On the very last note of this, I'll be around if any one wants to chat.

The End.


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